It's so good!!
Last month I had the privilege to partner with YWAM (Youth With a Mission) in Penang, Malaysia to serve the hungry, poor, and homeless there. It was such a blessing to be a part of what they are doing in that community. They simply LOVE people. They form relationships with people who come in and have no agenda accept to love them with the unconditional love of Christ. On top of that incredible ministry, we also participated in worship and intercession at the Penang House of Prayer twice a week to pray for the people of Malaysia, for other missionaries, widows, orphans, and unreached people groups all over the world. Every Tuesday and Friday night we would spend 4-5 hours praying and worshipping together as we sat in God's presence listening to His heart. Talk about soul stirring!! God began to speak to me in some big ways and He taught me so much in just three short weeks of being there. God truly surpasses all human knowledge, time, and understanding. It's amazing that 3 weeks of experiencing the Fathers love by just soaking in His presence has changed me more than 28 years of living and trying to figure out what God is doing on my own. The crazy thing is that we can't and won't ever have it "figured out" and yet we still try! If you are still trying to figure out what God wants for you like i was doing then be encouraged by this: God doesn't want you to stress, work harder, or do better to figure things out. He just wants you to BE. He reveals things in His own time. He doesn't need you to help Him get all the plans right. Just be with Him and always be listening. You could be doing exactly what He wants right now by just being present where you are, but our human nature has us always looking for the next best thing. Be content with anything and anywhere God calls you and He will always blow your mind!
Personally, I had been making plans since October to get back to Kenya as soon as possible. I love Africa so much and want to be there more than anything. When I said yes to Ireland I justified it because it was only until September. My plans could still work. Even though I had no idea exactly what I was going to do in Kenya I knew I could figure something out and God would bless it. I was confident that I could go and open a door myself if one didn't seem to pop open right away! One Tuesday night at PenHop (Penang House of Prayer) we had a "Pray for the Nations" night. Each person picked a nation and went to the front and prayed for that country. Mine, naturally, was Kenya. I prayed for the people and my heart ached for them the way my heart aches for America and my friends and family back home. I love them and I love that country, but I have been holding too tightly to what I wanted God's plan to be.
Later that week, I stood under the stars on the rooftop of our house talking with God and looking out over the city. God moved me in one of those unexplainable ways that only He can do. I knew what He was doing, but I was fighting it hard. My plans and God's plans weren't lining up and I could feel a sudden discomfort in my spirit. God was telling me to come back to Malaysia and I didn't like it. There's still so much He wants to teach me here and so much that He desires to reveal to me. He used so many people to speak life to me, encourage me, pour into me, and give confirmation after confirmation that this is where my next season will be spent. I started to cry. He is molding me, shaping me, and stretching me and sometimes it hurts. How could this be happening?? How could I love Africa so much and that not be where God wants me??
"Pursue me." God said.
"Pursue My presence."
Dont pursue a place.
Dont pursue your plans.
Rest in My presence.
Be My daughter.
Follow Me.
God promised that night that if I gave Him what I have been holding onto so tightly He would give me something better. A plan better than our own is hard to really imagine sometimes because we often can't see past ourselves, but I told God back in February I would say yes from now on…so yes it is. Yes, I will come back to Malaysia. Yes, I will trust You. Yes, God, I will follow your presence.
Letting go of the things I want can hurt, but it's a good hurt knowing that the reward is so much sweeter than anything I have ever tasted! I do not know what the future holds, but i have never been more free in my life! My plans are not just put on hold, they are out the window. I'm done trying to figure things out on my own. I am taking one step at a time. I have no idea what the next 28 years will look like in my life, but its sure to be an adventure! I might not ever end up in Africa again, who knows?
I would rather be in His presence and follow wherever He leads me, than keep trying to make MY plans be what He wants for my life.
If we are honest, we all tag God in our statuses and check-ins as if its what He wants for us when really we have been opening doors for ourselves all along. We make plans and then convince ourselves that it's what God wants for us. Let go of your life and your plans aend let God lead you. Let His presence lead you like the cloud that went before Israelites. Just sit back and enjoy the ride! Trust Him. With God in control, we can walk in the confidence of His voice and His presence that He promises will lead us. That takes all the pressure off. It's so much better to hear your next step from God! It's so much easier when He speaks it and you don't have to do anything to make it all work out! Nothing is too hard for Him! Wait on God. He hasn't forgotten you.
His plan for you still remains.
Follow His presence.
Pursue Him.
And whatever you do, never say never to God!
