The Lord Says:
Trust Me in times of confusion- when things don’t make sense and nothing you do seems to help. This type of trust delights Me, because I know it is real. Invite Me to enter into your struggles- to be ever so close to you. Though other people may not really understand what you’re going through, I understand perfectly. Find comfort in knowing you’re not alone in your struggles. I am with you, watching over you continually. Long-term trials can drain you of energy and hope, making it hard for you to keep trusting Me. But I have given you a wonderful Helper the Holy Spirit, who never runs out of strength. You can ask for His help, praying: “I trust you Jesus; Help me, Holy Spirit.” Instead of trying to resolve all your problems, simply rest in My presence. Trust that there is a way forward, even though you cannot yet see it. I am a good way for you, though it is bumpy at times. When the road is rough, cling all the more tightly to Me. “As your soul clings to Me, My right hand upholds yours.” –Psalms 63:8
As I sat on my bed this is what I opened to in my devotional. It is exactly what I needed to read. I get so caught up in things I need to do, stuff I must finish , places I have to go… wait a minute why am I feeling like this? I am nervous I will miss my life. My family. My friends . Leaving my comfort frightens me if I want to be honest with myself. I left opportunities of having a good job, moved away from Chicago, back to my parents house and sold almost all that I owned (which wasn’t much, don’t let me fool you.) I stress about fundraising, how to pack, not seeing everyone before I leave oh and leaving everything I know for an entire year. Why!… Why am I even feeling this way when I say God, I trust you with my life. Why does trusting God make me feel uncomfortable, not having total control makes me nervous. So I just need to trust God 100%, That is it! That is my answer. But why is that so hard? He has gotten me this far and He loves me so much, He used my past mistakes for His glory and is giving me a second, third, fourth maybe fifth chance to live a worthy life in Him. God loves me so much He is paying for my plane ticket to go travel the world with Him… but only if I trust Him. He sent His one and only son to die on the cross for me, for you, for everyone to live an eternal life with Him -in heaven. People ask me what makes you think you are trusting is the right thing- Because man has always failed me. I have been left disappointment, hurt, angry, rejected etc. but God has never left me alone or forgotten about me…Never. So with that being said I can say all day long I trust in The Lord, but if my actions are not lining up then I must not be fully trusting in Him, so I am only kidding myself. I want it to be more than empty words.
Alright God, seriously!!! I want to trust you. I want to show it in my actions. You trust in me, so why can I not trust in you? I am so glad You haven’t abandoned me, I am so glad you have been persistent with me, I am really glad You love me so much that You want to bless my life and give me the best. I do not deserve it but You think I deserve it. What makes me entitled to anything in life? I am a sinner, a liar, and thief and many many more things. But you love me so much You pursue my heart and have forgotten about all of my sins.
I have come to the realization that I cannot keep living like this, God you equal love. I want to trust in you. Not just saying it but showing it. When I feel overwhelmed remind me you are near. When I feel hurt show me your compassion. God when I feel like I cannot handle anymore remind me that you have been carrying me. Just like I want to depend on a man to love and take care of me, someone that I can trust and be loved by, God be that man to me.
God forgive me for being selfish. Forgive me for relying on man to take care of me. Forgive me for depending on everyone around me when You are right there in my face and I still choose to ignore you.
God change my heart and my mindset. I am ready to start learning to fully trust in You. And I mean it. I want to trust You in the good and in the bad, not just when I choose.
[God I am giving you my life…Take it off my hands because I am tired of not trusting in you when I say that I do.. I want to be a woman of my word]
