“Don’t you dare forget, not even for one single second, how much I love you. Come home safe to me.” I tried to blink them back, but once that first tear broke free, the rest followed in an unbroken stream. I buried my face in her hair in an effort to hide my grief. I wanted to seem like I had it under control. Like I wasn’t struggling to keep it together as I said goodbye to the ones I held closest. But instead of letting me hide, she held my cheeks in her hands and gently kissed me on the forehead.
I walked away feeling so loved, yet so conflicted at the same time. I wouldn’t be honest if I said questioning what the heck I was doing had never crossed my mind. It crossed my mind as I packed my things, deferred my graduate school program, recklessly abandoned my own plans, sold my car, and began to process what it would be like to be gone for a year. And even though it was hard…really hard…I still knew in my heart that this was where I was supposed to be.
So, now I sit here the night before launch. My bags are packed. My goodbyes have been said. My car is sold. The tears are still plentiful. But my heart is also so full. It is full of hope for the future. It is full of excitement. It is full of the knowledge that I am loved more than I had ever realized before. Most importantly, it is full of a passion to show others the freedom that I have found in Jesus. Because at the end of the day, the only reason I have the love, passion, excitement, tears and drive that I do, is because first and foremost I have Jesus.
Goodbye’s are hard, but they are also good. They have taught me to hold onto a hug for just a second longer. They have encouraged me to make the time to go the extra mile. And most importantly, they have shown me the depth of love that surrounds me on a daily basis.
XOXO,
Maddie
