Last wednesday my ipod was stolen.
I’ve always prided myself on not being dependent on technology. I was never the girl who was always texting. I rarely went on Facebook for pleasure. I was rarely on my phone in public. That was partly due to my detached attitude, and partly the fact that my phone was subscribed to an incredibly slow network. I prided myself on my ability to put my phone down and forget about it for hours, not caring what was going on in the cyber world. That mentality continued on my race. I considered myself a pro at staying free from wifi and technology. I casually refused getting wifi more than a few times a week. I thought I was completely detached from my ipod.
That was until I had to go without it.
At first, I wasn’t very upset about losing my ipod. I cared more about the heart of the thief, someone I knew and trusted. I was concerned about his/her welfare in the kingdom and thought I might never get to see him/her again. I was reminded of the corruption of Zone 18 and the culture our students grow up in. My bad mood was because I felt betrayed and was concerned for the person, or so I thought. Until my life started falling apart, I never realized the unconscious effect my ipod held over me.
It started with little annoyances. I didn’t have an alarm for waking up early in the morning. I could no longer listen to music on our hour long car rides or jam during afternoon runs. I couldn’t snap quick photos easily or use instagram. I had to ask the time instead of looking at my device. However, these things weren’t big enough to really hurt me. Real problems started when everything snowballed. Not having an alarm meant not waking up early, not waking up early meant not spending time with God before the day started. Similarly, no music meant no worship time. No worship music meant it was harder to “get in the mood” for reading my bible or prayer. It was shocking to realize how dependent my relationship with God was on my ipod. I never would have expected this area of my life to suffer because of the loss of an item.
The past few days have been staggering at how consistently my life has been unravelling. I’ve completely neglected time with God. I’ve had a terrible attitude towards my teammates and ministry, a dark mood that began with the discovery of the theft. I’ve fallen back into some sin that I haven’t struggled with since I came on the race. I’ve isolated myself from my team, physically and mentally. I put on a happy face wanting them to think everything was fine and dandy. I wanted them to think I was strong and not dependent on my ipod (pretty much the opposite of the truth). I didn’t want any pity or charity.
The funny thing is, the month before the theft, I’d been praying a lot. Praying that God would make me more dependent on him. And here it is. Something goes wrong and it’s out of my control. What did I immediately run to for comfort and peace? Certainly not God. I ran to all my old comforts. I purposely made bad decisions for myself, thinking I had a good excuse. God was so fed up with my inability to see my dependence on technology that he ripped it away from me. Through this, I’ve had to rely on my teammates for so many things. That’s not a bad thing at all. God is teaching me dependence and trust. I don’t trust God the way I thought I did. I thought I was a model citizen in his kingdom. I thought I was better than others because I didn’t struggle the way they did. Wow did he humble me. This whole experience has been eye-opening and extremely humbling. I’m grateful that my ipod was stolen. I’m grateful that I fell back into old patterns. I’m grateful that I suffered and felt lonely for a few days. It’s shown me so much about myself. It’s shown me numerous areas for improvement.
So many times we ignore the sin in our lives. After years of deadening our consciouses, it becomes easy to push the little voice away. The things that were obviously wrong to us when we were younger become difficult to discern over time. We harden our hearts against what makes us uncomfortable. We’re worried that God might actually ask us to give up things that we love. He might actually try to work in our lives. So we tune him out. I’m guilty of doing this with my ipod. I thank God he made me see where I was wrong, and I’m asking him to show me more things that I need to abandon.
P.s. Sometimes God is so cool! The next day, 2 guys from Y-Squad (Isaiah and Kacey) came over to our house to hang out. They were in their last month of the race and had some things to give away since they wouldn’t need them anymore. They pulled out pocket knives, mess kits, converters and all sorts of things. In the middle of the Christmas-like frenzy they pulled out a digital camera. One of my teammates immediately said, “Mackenzie! You need that!” and proceeded to hand it to me. So I am now the owner of an awesome digital camera that perfectly fills the hole that my ipod camera left. Even though I’m sad to have lost all the pictures from my ipod, I’m extremely grateful that God provided a camera! He didn’t have to, but he did. Thanks Dios!
