Alright…so the blog title was just a joke for the sake of getting your attention. I would never say that about myself…I’d tell someone else to say it. (Again, kidding.) It reminds me of the story of the most humble man in the world. He was so humble he was awarded a medal. As soon as he accepted it, they took it back.
Anyway…I’m not here to tell you how humble I am…but I do want to talk about humility. We’ve been at “debrief” for a few days, and God has really been laying some stuff on my heart about leadership. (Just fyi, debrief happens every 3 months when the whole squad comes together for 4-5 days to worship, regroup, breathe, laugh and be spoken to by members of World Race staff on different topics. It’s a great time.) Debrief is partly a time of reflection…to think about what we’ve seen/experienced, how we’ve grown, what we want going forward, how we’re dealing with issues as a team and individuals, etc., etc. And this time around I’ve been thinking about my role as a team leader and what I’ve learned, where I’ve lacked, what I’ve done well, yadda yadda yadda. And I think Holy Spirit has led me to this thought:
Leadership comes as two equal parts. One part humility; One part confidence. Here’s what I mean. To be an effective and loving leader I must recognize that I am no better than anyone on my team. I am experiencing this whole “race” thing for the first time too and that at times I’ll make mistakes or overreact or whatever. I must recognize I’m imperfect. I must recognize I’m a leader not because I earned it, but because I was asked to be. I must recognize I have gifts and talents, and that there are many other things I lack and need to be guided in, instructed in for growth to occur. I must recognize I am an equal to all those I have been asked to lead.
That’s the humility part. And to be honest…and without pride, I am strong in that. I recognize those things
more often than not. (Don’t get me wrong…my ego goes on a self-promotion tour now and again, and I can think too highly of myself from time to time…I mean, I’m human.) But as a whole, I see myself as a teammate, as an equal, as someone who is trying to figure out this race, this life, full of questions and guesses, just like everyone else. God has moved in my life, and spoken in such a way that my heart operates this way on a fairly regular basis. And that’s a good thing. But it’s only half a good thing.
Because the other aspect of leadership is confidence…boldness. And that is where God has been showing me I am weak. It is in that area I am fearful, lacking, wimpy, unsure. In short…I don’t think I’ve been leading very strongly with confidence in the authority I have been given. I have held back, been reluctant and hesitant. I’ve been timid and weak in taking bold steps as a leader. (This is a blanket statement, and there are things I have lead confidently in. But as a whole, this has been a weaker part of my leadership.) And that’s not a good thing. Leading that way does everyone around me a disservice. It does the Kingdom a disservice. As I’ve thought about it, and as Holy Spirit has been speaking, I’ve begun to realize some reasons I’ve been weak in this area:
- Despite saying I don’t care about people’s opinions of me, I do…and sometimes I hold back because I don’t want someone to think I’m “high and mighty” or that I think I know more than others, or whatever. I want them to like me.
- Sometimes I hold back out of fear of making a mistake.
- Sometimes I believe the lie that because I haven’t done anything to earn this role, I really don’t deserve to embrace it fully, making it my own.
- I believe the lie that because I am an equal, I am not qualified to instruct or guide anyone on what they should do.
- I compare myself to other leaders, and try to lead as they do, and because it feels unnatural, I lead that way half-heartedly, not sure I trust their methods any more than I do my own.
- But I think the biggest reason I don’t lead with confidence and boldness is because I don’t trust myself with the authority given to me. I don’t believe myself to be worthy. I don’t trust that God knew what He was doing when He led others to ask me to play a role as a leader on this adventure.
In short…I don’t operate from my identity in Christ as someone He says is worthy and as someone He has raised up as a leader. I operate instead from my own view of myself, which is not based in spiritual and scriptural truth…but in who I have shown myself to be in the world. And here’s the problem with that…without Christ, everyone in the world is lacking, is incomplete, makes mistakes, fails, doesn’t know best, is imperfect, can be untrustworthy at times and egotistical at other times. And for that reason, no one can truly trust themselves, no one has any real right to lead…but not so with Jesus! With His Spirit in me, He (who is All Knowing, All Truthful, All Loving and All Wise) claims that despite my weaknesses, despite my imperfections, despite my fleshly, human nature…I am WORTHY to lead in His kingdom. Because of Him…Him in me. In HIM I can place my trust…In HIM knowing what HE was doing calling me to leadership I can place my trust. In the gifts and talents HE has given and developed in me I can place my trust. Because they are all from HIM and for HIM. Because of that, because of Christ in me, I do not need to shy away from boldness. I can step forward confident of Holy Spirit in me, relying on Him in faith, and not in myself. I can even step forward boldly, confident of who He has crafted (and is crafting) me to be and the spiritual nature He has given me…and to lead others.
So going forward, and not even in just the next three months of The World Race, but going forward in life…Iwant to continue to grow in humility…and to embrace CHRIST’S SPIRIT in me, leading with boldness and confidence…still not having all the answers, still risking failure and risking leading more out of myself than in Him. I want to operate out of who He says I am…to let that seep into the deepest pores of my spirit, to start not just believing it…but living it out! And not just for my own sake…but for the sake of others, for the Kingdom of heaven…for the role He has asked me to step up and play in order to bring my brothers and sisters who don’t even know they are my brothers and sisters to our Father. I want to lead boldly not simply for my own sake, but for the sake of something greater that is taking place, where there is a need for people who have a VOICE, who have BOLDNESS and who do not hold back for fear of anything.
God I pray you do this. Build up my spirit man. Soften my heart to believe what you say is true. As you speak help me to listen, to believe and to live. I need you. Please please please…please continue to reveal these kinds of things to me, to grow me, to develop me for the sake of our relationship and for the sake of the tasks you would ask of me. I love you. I know you are for me and that you long for this more than I do and that you already love me infinitely for who I am now, and not for who you desire me to be. Thank you Daddy. Thank you. You are so good. So, so good.
(And for the record dear readers…I’ve realized as I type that this isn’t just for leadership…this is a truth we as believers need to embrace in order to live out the lives and to be the people that He has made for us to the absolute fullest. Humility is good…so is confidence. Independently though, they’re both lacking. Humility by itself I think may just leave you sitting stagnant, and confidence by itself will have you plowing into directions you were never meant to go, and with a wake of destruction behind you. Neither one will produce good fruit. But together…together, and with Holy Spirit, God grows something beautiful, something awesome, something unbelievably powerful and fantastic.)
[All images found on images.google.com and are not being used for profit. I just think they're awesome.]
