What does it mean to be free in Christ? I’m talking about really being FREE. Free from anger, bitterness, the past, rejection, hurt, or whatever bondage has/had you in chains. What does it feel like to experience this freedom that is only possible with the One who formed us, the One who knit each of us together in our mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13)? I believe this freedom plays out differently for everyone. But at the end of the day when you are free, you are free and the free can rejoice together. So rejoice with me as I tell you how I experienced true freedom:
On the first Saturday of training camp, Oct 17th to be exact, I pretty much started crying the minute we walked into the training center for worship. I’ll admit that I am an emotional person, but that night was ridiculous. I mean I was exhausting myself with how hard I was crying. My stomach started hurting with this pain I can’t even begin to describe. I thought it had to do with all the crying I was doing. Yeah, not at all, but i didn’t know that yet. The next morning, after breakfast, we went back into the training center for another session. We talked about being free from sin and at the end we stood to pray with our arms raised to Jesus. Staff members and the serve team walked around praying freedom and deliverance over us individually. The person who was praying for me said “You want it. You want the Holy Spirit, but you’re not ready to be free.” I was confused. I began asking God “why? why am I not ready? What does she mean?” I kept praying, begging the Lord for freedom. That night was the night God shattered the small white box I kept him in (link to part 1 if you haven’t already read it) That was the night I felt the Holy Spirit in a new way. But, I still wasn’t free and I still had that dern pain in my stomach. I know you are probably wondering what I wasn’t free from… but you will have to keep reading to find out 😉
The next day, Monday, we went camping. At the end of the session that night, we were asked to pray for God to show/tell us who we were to go pray for/ speak life into. I was on my way to the girl I felt God wanted me to pray for, when Bill, who is now like my brother, grabbed me to pray for me. As he is praying, I feel Lauren come up behind me to continue praying as Bill finishes. Bill asks what I think it is that God wants to free me of. I explained that I felt like it had something to do with my mom, but I didn’t know what. As I finish talking, Bill says, “God is telling me that you aren’t ready.” This is the 2nd time that I have heard that I wasn’t ready. I’m now frustrated and my stomach still hurts (going on day 3 of the pain). Lauren and I walk over to the fire as I begin to verbally process all this junk with my mom. Later that night, when we were back at the camp site, she was pretty much holding me up as I was doubled over from the pain. The pain finally eases and I am able to stand back up. The night ends with our team singing and praying for each other.
I wake up the next morning on my birthday 🙂 . I soon find out that this day is basically going to be a day with God. Where He tells me to go, I am to go. What he tells me to do, I am to do. And what He tells me to rid myself of, I am to get rid of. We were to pray about what we felt God telling us to do, then meet with a staff person before embarking on this journey. This is new to me. I was so used to praying at God that I never shut up to hear Him talk back to me. At first I thought God was telling me that I needed to surrender control. So that is what I told Casey, the staff member I talked to. I explained how I try to control everything in my life, including my relationship with my mom. I explained the pain I had been feeling and that I thought it had to do with my mom, but i didn’t know. At the end of all my jabbering, she told me that I wasn’t ready, that I needed to get to the bottom of all this with my mom, making sure I had the right motives for wanting to be free from it all. Did you catch that? She said I wasn’t ready. Are you kidding me. So i go pray some more… basically hashing it out with God. I starting thinking of all the positive things my mom has done in my life, (i figured I had to start somewhere) It was then I realized that the positives FAR outweighed the negatives and that I needed to free my mom of all the bitterness and anger I had harbored in my heart for so long. So I went back to Casey with a huge smile on my face and I explained how I wanted to free my mom. She then released me on my morning with God and it was GLORIOUS!
Not only did I free my mom, but I freed myself. I am now a walking prodigy of freedom. Needless to say, that indescribable pain I had in my stomach was finally gone. I think it’s pretty cool that it happened on my birthday too. It wasn’t only the best present ever, but it was a present to my mom as well.
On the Monday after returning home form training camp, I told my mom how I freed her. I can finally say that I unconditionally love my mother. All praise goes to the God, the Father of freedom.
disclaimer: not the most recent, but the best I could find
