3 days from now I have to pack up all my stuff, and look 30 kids in the eyes, and say goodbye……
Ugh
The past few days I have been struggling a lot with the concept of short term missions, and if what I am doing here is more beneficial or harmful to these kids.
The months where I will be bringing the Good News of God to those who have never heard of Him, I struggle less. They desperately need someone to bring the Kingdom to them.
But these kids…
these kids need someone to show them love…to show them what a man/woman of God is supposed to look/live/act like.
They need someone to reassure them everyday that they are amazing children of God, and that whatever happened in their past they have been redeemed from. That through God, they can live a happy, healthy life, and want for nothing.
They need a mother and father to walk with them throughout their journey.
For a month they have been all I have thought about
They have become my extremely loud, unmuteable, & unlimited snooze alarm clock. (It is also impossible to set…it goes off whenever it feels like it!)
They have all become the source of joy and heartbreak in my life. I have invested in them, I have spoken life into them, and most importantly I have gained their trust…..
How do I tell them I am leaving….how do I tell them that I am just another missionary that created a bond with them only to leave…
UGH!
The only consolation I have gained in the past few week is from this verse in Luke where Jesus explains to a pleading crowd why He must leave…
"I must preach the kingdom of God to the other cities also, because for this purpose I have been sent."
~Luke 4:43
The next question that arises is…..
How long is long enough?
a week?
a month?
a year?
10 years?
When does it become okay to leave them……
When is it no longer coming in, loving them, and then leaving???
What is the right answer?
Does it ever get easier? Is it ever okay?
I will continue to ask God for strength & understanding.
I pray that by the end of this race…I will know the answer to these questions…or at least have gained some understanding.
I also pray that God will reveal to me exactly what my purpose is here…..
For now…. I will gain reassurance from scripture, and lean on the idea that God Called me to this & at least something is better than nothing…
The Whole Ministry!
