Ex pat church
The moment worship started, maybe even
as I walked down the isle to a seat, I started to feel emotional.
Whoa! what a catchy, start-line. Hang in there though. I think this
is important.
As the music continued, a verse
about crashing waves nearly caused me to loose it- full blown
meltdown. I was spiraling into a sea of emotions, flight out of
control.
Pulling myself out of my tailspin, I
immediately began to analyze all the possible variables that could be
causing this unusual reaction.
Was it because I missed home? The
people all around me looked like mid-westerners, and several of the
guests were from California.
Did my slight stomach ache cause
some of my shielding to fall?
Was it because I was remedied that
my college life was over?
That I am facing a future without
form?
That the air conditioner was really
cold?
As I ran out of possible
explanations a pastor began to pray, then one phrase hit me like a
thunderclap.
You feel that emotion? That is not
yours. That is the Holy spirit Impacting. Running into the cracks
of your heart’
Oh.
I suppose the creator and sustainer of
the universe could orchestrate any and all factors leading to my
emotional state. Okay, You got my attention God.. What do you want
me to learn?
The sermon topic was about Doubt.
The passage under study was Mark
6:14-29 Where John is beheaded.
Today however the focus was
not on John. It was on Herod. The really tragic story, is that of
Herods lost chance. The
thing is, Herod liked
Johns
teaching, found it sweet. This is a strange reaction to speech
that called him out, and pulled no punches. Something resonated with
Herod, but he could not bring himself to start on the
journey
of
faith.
He
was conflicted, doubting.
Some of us think we believe, but
we have some shadows of doubt. Indecisiveness.
Herodias-
Herods Sister-in-law/wife on the other hand was decisive.
She had a window of opportunity to rid herself of John, and she
seized it.
Herod did not seize his window of opportunity.
Why
do we think we have all the time tin the world to decide. Herod
didnt.
Doubt is a gift,
but it is a dangerous gift.
If
ours is an examined faith than we should be unafraid to doubt. If
doubt is….eventually justified, we were believing what clearly was
not worth believing. But is doubt is answered, our faith has grown
stronger. It knows God more certainly and can enjoy God….more
deeply C.S. Lewis
Sadly, we often move from Dignifying Doubt -to Glorifying it- then
we call it Open Minded
Interestingly, even as Herod waffled about his decision of weather
or not to follow the path presented by John, John also had doubts.
That is why he sent his disciples to ask Jesus if he was indeed the
promised messiah. There is the thing. Jesus did not dismiss
Johns doubts. He removed them.
We
think our belief has to be 100% we have to be sure of every
last detail in order to trust to salvation. – But that is not
Biblical. Lord I believe,
Help my unbelief (Mark
9:24) Your
salvation does not depend on YOUR STREIGNTH of belief.
This
is one of the illustrations given:
If
you are falling off a cliff. And you spot a branch that you could
grab onto, but you are not 100% sure it will support you- do you let
that window of opportunity pass? The thing is, what
you believe about the ability of
the branch to catch
you has no effect on the actual branch.
Even if you are only 70% sure the branch will catch you, the
branch (that
is Jesus)
is 100% saving. God is so big and so good, you can trust him, even
with your doubt
There are two ways to deal
with doubt. You can allow it to keep you from trusting and
following God, allow it to keep you in an unstable
waffling place, wave
of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind
(James
1:6).
Or you can seek answers to those questions, and
in the meantime, trust God to the details.
The ultimate example is Jesus
himself. On the cross he had a pang of doubt- My god why have you
forsaken me but then trusted himself to the Fathers goodness-
into your hands I commit my spirit
M response to this lighthearted
sermon was to try to search out some of my doubts. To name them, so
that I could ask that they be removed. This is part of what came
out of that little soul search:
Doubt: That God is trying talk with
me all the time
Fear: That I will hear something I
don’t like/ Don’t want to do
Cure?: Accept/believe when God does
speak. Seek him, train myself to hear His voice. Step out when asked,
trusting that he has a good plan.
You can see I wasn’t really
feeling it. I knew the right answer. But, that was not the root
of the problem.
Then this idea blossomed on my
mind.
Why would you
think that our conversations will always hurt? What kind of Dad do
you think I am?
Sometimes
I just want to share with you. Share your moments of wonder and joy.
Lead
you to more, to mine. It hurts that you see me as a harsh task
master.
That
is not what our relationship is supposed to be.
