I’ve had my share of rice and noodles this month. My team has $3 a day per person for food, and we do just fine. I certainly haven’t gone hungry. Physically that is. There’s a part of me, though, that doesn’t feel full. This hunger is much more profound than my physical needs.
There are a lot of misconceptions about Christianity in China. First, it is believed that Christians need to play an Agent 007 type of role to stay safe in this country. False. We have talked to and met numerous Chinese Christians who are bold and courageous with their faith and have no fear of living it out. Christianity is not illegal here. It is not necessarily encouraged, but it is not illegal. I have learned so much already about not being ashamed of the Gospel. In fact, this has been a huge part of this month for me. I’m being filled with knowledge and wisdom and so much encouragement.
So what is this hunger I feel? It is for a people here who are so desiring to know more about Christ, and who will tell them? It is a starvation for the times at home when I had an opportunity and I watched it pass right by me. And it is a yearning, even more than a hunger. Because yesterday when I was having a conversation with the young man who believes so much in science that he cannot comprehend a God in heaven watching him and everyone else at all times, I did not know what to say.
And that’s what I’m starved for. I’m starved to know more about the Word. I am not ashamed of the Gospel, but I also don’t know it very well. I was so desperate for God in that moment to be my mouthpiece, to give me the words, so that this man, who is living for science, could understand why I live for the Lord. I kept praying, Jesus, I’m desperate. Give me the words to say.
But he didn’t.
And you know what? He’s still good. He’s teaching me through this. He’s letting me know: Lauren, I will give you the desires of your heart. I will be your mouthpiece. But you need to do some of the work. You need to know my Word. Then you will better understand my heart and have an answer in those hard moments.
I’m so thankful that I’m feeling these growing pains. I want the Lord to keep breaking me in a way that shapes me more and more into the woman he desires me to be, His daughter with a heart after his own heart.
China is stealing my heart. These people have found a place with me. The time seems to be going too quickly. We are only “doing ministry” for four more days, and then our squad coaches are coming for debrief. I keep feeling myself silently crying out for more time. I have a feeling that will become a regular heart-cry. More time. More time.
Our time is so very precious. The words we choose, the things we do in the time we have, these are precious things. Not just in China. Not just on a mission trip, but every single day, no matter where we are. We have such an opportunity to be Light. What we choose to do with those opportunities speaks volumes about our character. This I’m learning. This I'm starved for.
Pray for my squad as our ministry in China comes to an end this week-that the Lord would strengthen us to say goodbye and that he would continue to work in the lives of the people we have met, sending them others who will encourage and speak Truth. These people are so hungry for the Lord.
Praise God for a squad that has remained mostly healthy this month. Pray for continued health and safe travels as we move on to Thailand in about 10 days. Pray for the Lord to prepare the hearts of those we will meet as well as prepare our own hearts for what He will teach us in the coming months.
