If you have known me for any amount of time, you know that I'm a fighter. If I want something, I will do whatever it takes to get it. If I want to do something, I will do everything in my power to make it happen. If I know that you are struggling with something, I will pray for you until God sees you through it. If you see me on the soccer field, I'm always the one pushing people around, and getting pushed back in return. If you try to throw me in a pool or push me off a dock, I won't go down without a fight. That's just me. I'm a fighter.
This past month has been really difficult for me emotionally with everything I experienced, mainly my boyfriend back in the States breaking up with me. When it all happened, I was torn. I wasn't sure whether I was supposed to fight for the relationship, fight for him regardless of the relationship, or just let it go.
A string of emails back and forth ultimately led to the break up. A few emails before the end, I realized that I needed to take off the girlfriend mask and operate simply as a friend and fight for him and what he is going through spiritually and emotionally. So I did. I no longer focused on our relationship and just focused on speaking truth into his life that he needed to hear. I didn't care about the relationship as much as I cared about his heart and his relationship with God.
After a few more emails, a Skype conversation, and an instant messaging conversation, I finally admitted that it was over. I tried everything I could do to salvage the relationship. I was more devastated about him refusing my help to spur him on towards the Lord than I was about the relationship ending. For weeks after the break up, I tried to think if there was anything else I could do for him or say to him.
Even now, not a day goes by without me thinking about sending him an email. I still want to fight for him. I still want to do more for him. But right now, all I can do is pray. I pray for him every day. God is teaching me that is all I can do. I can do nothing in my own strength. I have to accept the fact that I am not the only one fighting for him in this life. Ultimately, Jesus has never stopped fighting for him. And Jesus us a much better fighter than I ever will be.
Through the letting go of this relationship, God is teaching me to be a fighter for his Kingdom. He is teaching me how to fight for my team and my squad; my family for the next 7 months. He is teaching me to be fully present and is giving me opportunity after opportunity to fight for my team mates and squad mates in prayer.
I am a fighter. And that doesn't have to change. What I am fighting for is what needs to change. There are days that I want to pick up my sword again and fight for the relationship we once had; most days than not, actually. But I want to be fighting for the Kingdom. I give up fighting for my own selfish desires. Your Kingdom come, Your will be done.
This past month has been really difficult for me emotionally with everything I experienced, mainly my boyfriend back in the States breaking up with me. When it all happened, I was torn. I wasn't sure whether I was supposed to fight for the relationship, fight for him regardless of the relationship, or just let it go.
A string of emails back and forth ultimately led to the break up. A few emails before the end, I realized that I needed to take off the girlfriend mask and operate simply as a friend and fight for him and what he is going through spiritually and emotionally. So I did. I no longer focused on our relationship and just focused on speaking truth into his life that he needed to hear. I didn't care about the relationship as much as I cared about his heart and his relationship with God.
After a few more emails, a Skype conversation, and an instant messaging conversation, I finally admitted that it was over. I tried everything I could do to salvage the relationship. I was more devastated about him refusing my help to spur him on towards the Lord than I was about the relationship ending. For weeks after the break up, I tried to think if there was anything else I could do for him or say to him.
Even now, not a day goes by without me thinking about sending him an email. I still want to fight for him. I still want to do more for him. But right now, all I can do is pray. I pray for him every day. God is teaching me that is all I can do. I can do nothing in my own strength. I have to accept the fact that I am not the only one fighting for him in this life. Ultimately, Jesus has never stopped fighting for him. And Jesus us a much better fighter than I ever will be.
Through the letting go of this relationship, God is teaching me to be a fighter for his Kingdom. He is teaching me how to fight for my team and my squad; my family for the next 7 months. He is teaching me to be fully present and is giving me opportunity after opportunity to fight for my team mates and squad mates in prayer.
I am a fighter. And that doesn't have to change. What I am fighting for is what needs to change. There are days that I want to pick up my sword again and fight for the relationship we once had; most days than not, actually. But I want to be fighting for the Kingdom. I give up fighting for my own selfish desires. Your Kingdom come, Your will be done.
