I came in my freshmen year optimistic about my skills and the season ahead. I ended up getting injured early on in the season and despite severe back pain, I played through it. My injury went undiagnosed the whole season, and several months following. My freshmen season I played in a majority of the games, but only for about 5-15 minutes per game. I tried to stay optimistic in saying that I was only a freshmen and I had three more years, but that only worked for a bit since over half our starting lineup was freshmen. As the season went on, I got in less and less games for less and less time. Almost every game I would be told to warm up, but then never be put in. It was so discouraging. I slowly watched my dreams disappear. In addition to not playing, I didn’t click with any one on the team very well. Those that I was comfortable around and felt accepted with were seniors, and they were quickly off the scene.
The following February, after sitting out 90% of off-season training, my back pain finally got diagnosed: one bulging disc and one herniated disc in my L4 and L5 vertebrae. I ended up getting an epidural for the pain. That same day, I went back to training. I had been out for months and had a lot of ground to cover. Spring season came around, and everyone got playing time, so my hope of playing was rekindled for a while. In my exit coaches meeting, the coaches reviewed me as a player and gave me some areas that I could improve on before next season. I joined a local club team and played all summer, traveling from New York, to New Jersey, to Maryland to play with some of the best college players in the area. Whenever I didn’t have practice or a game, I was at the soccer field right up the road doing drills and sprints, determined to earn a starting spot on the team.
From my perspective, my odds looked good. The day before I left for training camp, I ran a timed mile and came in at 6:05 [we needed to get at least a 6:30]. I was mentally and physically ready for preseason. As a precaution, I decided to get another epidural for my back. I had no pain all summer, but I wanted to be safe, since preseason consisted of 3-a-days. There was some miscommunication between my doctor and the training, and I was forced to sit out for the first four days of preseason, missing all of the fitness tests. I was beyond pissed. Not only did that put me in “breakfast club” [fitness session in addition to practices] but I had lost a lot of my fitness in those four days of idleness as well. I was perfectly healthy, and capable to play, but the coaches still viewed me as injured and that they had to proceed with caution.
The first game of the season, we had gone down 4-0 by half time and the coaches had pulled all the starters. The entire bench was in the game, except me. With thirty seconds left in the game, the coaches decided to finally put me in, with no time to warm up and having spent the last 90 minutes standing still. I played in a total of five games that season, almost all consisting of less than ten minutes apiece. I wanted to quit midseason. I decided to stay with it, trying to convince myself that this is where God wanted me and this was my ministry. I wanted to quit again at the end of the season. I decided to stay with it, go through off season training and at least wait for spring season, since everyone gets playing time then.
I ended up getting mono after Christmas that December and was bedridden until mid-February. I missed the first half of my classes, returning just in time for midterms. I missed all of off-season training [again] and had lost all of my fitness. Once again, I was starting from square one. My boyfriend even became my own personal trainer to help me with my fitness and ball skills in addition the lifting and practices sessions I had throughout the spring. Spring season came around and I was still struggling for playing time. I had about had it.
