I want to share some things I consider valuable to those who may be going on the race and are in a relationship with someone not going on the race.
Here’s a little (actually a lot!) about my experience on the race being in a serious relationship with someone back home [to preface, I’m sharing from my experience. I know all relationships are different.]…
…So there I was, three years into a relationship with my boyfriend. And then I saw the world race website and my whole world was shifted. How could I do this? I was deeply in love with Ben, but had an undeniable tug on my heart to do this crazy thing. Should I just pretend I didn’t feel the call? Should I break up with Ben? Or the most unthinkable in my mind… should I pursue both?
First, I realize that God calls each person to whatever He so desires them to do in life. He placed a burden in my heart to go on the race. He did not do that in my boyfriend Ben’s heart. While I battled for the months leading up to the race if this relationship was hindering me, propelling me, frusterating me, encouraging me. All I knew is that whenever I sought the Lord’s direction, neither my desire to go on the race nor my desire to be with Ben subsided.
I know there are many who have been in the same situation. I know there are many who will face it. All I can say about going on the race, whether you’re in a relationship or not, seek your Papa.
After spending a while trying to control the situation (as I tend to fall into), my heart was hurting more and more. I was subconsiously pushing Ben away because from a human standpoint, of course this wouldn’t work. 11 months away from your boyfriend/girlfriend? There’s no way. That’s what the world says. Why does it seem to take us so long to actually seek and listen to the voice of our Father? Once I finally did surrender the situation, things just clicked.
He brought me to a place of understanding that He is good and knows better than I. If He wanted me and Ben together, than no matter how long or far I went, nothing could break us. If He didn’t want us together, than me staying home wouldn’t keep us together. Basically, it was pivitol that I stop basing my decisions on what was good for Ben and I’s relationship, and started basing decisions on what was good for the Lord and I’s relationship. Truly following. Truly surrendering. And yes, surrender really is so sweet.
There were (dare I say it?) thousands of times on the race I wanted to come home. Ben was a huge part of that, but I’m also just really close with my family and had never left them like this before. Both my family and Ben have such influence on me. They were such sources of encouragement, and truthfully sometimes discouragement. They didn’t feel the call I did, so it was very difficult for them to understand why I didn’t necessarily always want to stay, but needed to. Ben asked me to come home many times. This was extremely hard on me because as much as I wanted to sometimes, I knew it was not an option. These challenges only provided more opportunities for growth. I was very challenged with who I would follow. I was challenged to encourage my family and Ben. I was challenged to challenge Ben to welcome this chance to grow into the spiritual leader I need him to be. And at that time the way he could do that was encouraging me when I needed it because we both knew full well that this is where I was supposed to be for this time. With very little communication, conversations like this were rough and hard. But oh so fruitful.
That’s another thing. Communication. Sometimes you’ll have lots of it. Sometimes it will be once a week. I had a few months of unlimited internet where we were staying, and it turned out to be both a blessing and a curse. It was so nice to be able to check up on loved ones whenever. However, it was extremely tempting to spend massive amounts of time and energy connecting with them… and the thing is, we don’t come on the race to spend all our time on the internet. The constant ability to connect made it difficult because it’s easy to miss out on things. With my team, and spiritually.
In Africa we could only get once a week, bad connection internet. It was terribly difficult. I had an international phone that was stolen in Tanzania. I was just plain frusterated. On top of just missing my loved ones, I thought I needed my phone to check in and make sure everyone was ok every so often. But I tell you, those months of separation from every sort of comfort (physically, relationally) brought me to depths I’ve never before experienced with Jesus. I had no choice but to trust Him with everything that meant so much to me. The hardest times are an opportunity… an opportunity to really put into life what we say we believe. I can talk all day about the importance of surrender and dependence on Him. But when it comes down to it and He brings me to those places, how will I handle it? In Africa I did try to fight Him for a while, then I finally embraced it. Embraced Him. I know it was His jealous love for me that brought me to that place. He knew that too, knew that’s what I needed to bring me on my face.
And now I look back and count those as the sweetest times in my life. We must separate ourselves from the thinking of this world. I thank Him for that pit I was in in Africa, for it was then that I really felt a need for Him like I’ve never before experienced. But the thing is we always have that need for Him. It’s just a lot easier to feel and see when you’re stuck in a valley.
The weight of being on the race and dating Ben was really hard. A lot of times I felt really distracted. A lot of times I felt really overwhelmed. I know God has a unique path for everyone, but I really envied the people from my squad that chose to go home early. There were plenty of times I was seriously about to, but for some reason I just couldn’t. I know that reason was Jesus whispering to me that the fruit of this would be worth the hardship. So, it’s going to be tempting to go home. But if you hear that too, I plead with you not to. It was vital to me to be surrounded by the encouragement and support of my team/squad. You can’t really hide things from them – they’re always there. That support system was so important for me. I literally wouldn’t have lasted without the community around me constantly speaking truth and life to me.
I think that support system is extremely important for your significant other as well. We were not created to carry burdens alone. They need people to pray with, encourage, speak into them too. It goes both ways.
On a bit of a lighter note, you both will inevitably both go through different stages. Your squad leaders will go through the typical heart ones with you – abandonment, brokenness (I spent a lot of time here), dependence, empowerment, calling. I know Ben went through some of these as well. But his stages also came out in physical form. Shall we take a looksie?
It started with him wanting to look like me, via braids…
…continued with the worlds most massive stache…
… onto caveman Benny…
… to finally, a low messy bun for my arrival. As you can see, a lot of hair happenings can go on in 11 months!
Anyways, something else that kept me on the field and completely rocked my world was to see fruit in Ben’s life because of this. In a relationship, I know the importance of both parties seeking our Savior. If one does more or less, the yoke is just uneven. So to be honest, I was afraid of this before I left. It’s a blind leap of faith. I didn’t know what would happen with us… would he go off the deep end? Maybe. But all I could do was trust. I knew this was my path, and deep down I knew God would take care of it. One of the most awesome things was seeing the growth that Ben was experiencing with the Lord. Getting to talk with him about it all now, it’s really clear that God seemed to have taken our hearts through very similar things. This, in turn, allowed us to grow in similar ways. It blows me away because we were living in such dramatically different circumstances. But it just goes to show, nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37 – which was actually a verse we clung to while I was away.) I knew that me doing the race had just as much to do with Ben and my family as it did with me. This definitely kept me on the field – who knew what God had in store in months to come to teach not just me, but Ben too? It was not my place to cut that short.
For me, coming home was amazing and really tough. Ben proposed to me at the airport! It was unbelievable and so joyous! But I also cried a lot. There is just A LOT going on in your mind when you come back. Your boyfriend/girlfriend has got to be understanding of that. Sometimes I want to be here, sometimes I wish I was back on the field. It’s SO good being in this relationship face to face again. But that doesn’t discount the fact that I miss my squad like crazy. Ben and I had been skyping the whole time I was gone, so we were up to date on all the essential info and heart stuff. But there was/is (since I only got home 2 weeks ago!) an element of the ‘get to know you’ stage all over again. It’s not bad, just different.
I don’t recommend dating and going on the race. I know AIM doesn’t either, and for good reason. I’m so thankful God seemed to have put blinders on my eyes and made me naive to many things. Because it was harder than I ever could have imagined. But I wouldn’t trade that experience for the entire world.
Now, again, this was my experience on the race being in a relationship. This post is in no way to guarantee anything… I just want you to know the reality of what I went through. The difficulty of it, the fruitfulness of it. I had friends who started out in a relationship and saw that God was leading them out of it, so ended it on the race. I had friends who started the race in a relationship and went home. I was in a relationship for all the race, went home and got engaged. Although we get really worked up on what the end result will be, that’s not the issue. The issue is following Christ, rather than a person or even our own desires.
If God’s leading you to it, I plead with you to follow. You won’t be dissapointed you did. Whether the relationship works out and grows, or if it ends, your heart will be filled with peace knowing you did what Jesus lead you to. And He always knows what He’s doing.
