Heart Update

A Bit of Background

 

The race has been a true test of my
trust in the Lord, and my obedience to Him. For years I felt the call to
missions, but I did not obey. I tried and tried to live out life my own way,
quite unsuccessfully. I kept switching majors in college because nothing felt
right. All the while, I heard the Lord whisper to my spirit that He wanted me
to follow His great commission. Suppressing the call, I continued to seek my
own way in my schooling. I also misconstrued my priorities and began to make my
boyfriend my everything. Doing this only hurt our relationship – and I quickly
experienced the jealousy of the Lord. Only He [God] is to be my everything.
Even when I thought I was putting Ben first because I loved him so much, I
realized that was only hurting him, hurting us. The best way I could love him
was by consciously centering our relationship on our Creator and Savior. God is
so faithful to redeem what was once broken. When I got to the end of myself, He
began to put my pieces back together. When I began seeking Him, it was Him that
I found. Even when I didn’t understand, I knew I could not walk in my own
strength any longer. I blindly started taking steps in obedience to His
voice… possibly for the first time ever. He so blessedly restored my
relationship with Ben to be one that brings Him glory… And led me here to
Bucharest on the World Race. I still don’t know many of the why’s… why me
[and by myself]? why now? why here? All I do know is that HE has brought me
here; I know this full well.

 

Running the Race

 

With that being said, each day I’m
on the race is another step of faith. Each moment I’m here is another walk in
obedience. My flesh wants nothing more than to be back home in the comforts of
what I know with the people I love. But I know that my purpose is to be here
right now. Even though this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, I am
learning that surrender isn’t easy. Ephesians 3:20 says “God can do
anything, you know. Far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in
your wildest dreams!” (msg). He knows better than I, and so I trust in
that and strive to continually follow Him.

 

An Ocean of Blessings

 

The blessings that I’ve already seen
come from my Father’s hand have been amazing. The work that’s being done
through this World Race team is much bigger than us. His presence is thick and
moving. It’s been incredible to be a part of! It’s month 2, and I am already
seeing how He’s changing my heart, and how He’s changing the world.

 

My
teammates never cease to amaze me. They are a people filled with such wisdom. When
they lay hands on me and pray for me and my exact needs, I literally feel the
strength of the Holy Spirit surrounding me. Thank you God for them!

So to
conclude the update of my hearts condition, there is a lot going on inside of
me. But I’ve made the choice and I’ve dived in – I’m all in. I can’t live any
other way, my soul can’t take it any other way. No longer do I want to sit on
the sidelines of what God wants me to do in life. No longer is it a scary thing
to surrender; for that is where His blessings flow. The waves are crashing all
around me, but I will not be afraid. I’ll just go deeper with Him and see even
more the beauty of His wonder.

In your ocean, I’m ankle deep
I feel the waves crashin’ on my feet
It’s like I know where I need to be
But I can’t figure out, yeah I can’t figure out

Just how much air I will need to breathe

When your tide rushes over me
There’s only one way to figure out
Will ya let me drown, will ya let me drown

And the water is rising quick
And for years I was scared of it