The entity of my wardrobe spreads across three closets in my household. My closet holds winter clothes, my grandmothers closet holds summer, and the living room closet holds coats. Today I purged 75% of my clothes out of these closets. There is so much empty space now I can slide clothes around on the rack like they’re bumper cars. If I have a summer dress left in my closet I’ll be surprised. So why the drastic change?
Two weeks ago I broke into my summer closet to bring out my favorite pair of shorts. To my despair but not disbelief, they were about two sizes too small (thanks World Race weight) and five inches too short. Suddenly all of my clothes appear “skimpy” and inappropriate, yet I’ve never thought them to be a problem before. What’s happening? The only explanation I can find for this epiphany is the probing of the Holy Spirit.
If you know me at all, you know I didn’t go down without a fight. Actually, I was driven to frustration and even anger with God. “I like my clothes! Sure they may be a little risqué but it’s not like my butt and boobs are hanging out of my clothes… That’s the style these days! Fashion forward clothes are moving more and more towards less and less clothing.”
I mean it’s true. Take a look at any fashion magazine and you’ll find crop tops, plunging necklines, mesh shirts, bralette’s worn as tops, lace dresses without slips, ripped jeans and cut off shorts. Swimsuits have aged over time from shorts and a tank top to one piece swimsuits to high waisted bikinis to string bikinis to thong bikinis. Our culture sells lust as a hot commodity.
I take this debate to my dad, and despite the truth behind my argument, he responds “Kimberly, men who are truly seeking God aren’t seeking women in immodest clothing. They don’t want to see all of that.” I, regrettably, rebuttal “there’s not a man on the planet who doesn’t want to see more skin.”
The words leave a bad taste in my mouth and seem to linger in the air. But if we’re honest, that’s what we women learn by perceiving social cues. If not only by the second glances and multitude of “likes” on social media given by men for immodesty, we’re also encouraged by our girl friends who tell us to “flaunt what your momma gave you,” or my personal favorite “if my body looked like that, I’d show it off too.” If you’re friends aren’t commenting how hot you are on your posts then they must not be good friends. We all reinforce the cycle, not just men. And we learn to put our worth in how we’re physically perceived: hot or not.
After a few minutes of silence my dad continues, “a respectable man wants a girl to cover up so that her body is saved for his eyes only (one day) – not for the rest of the world. He wants to see a woman respect and value herself.”
As the day went on, I mulled over our conversation in my mind, “of course he says that; he’s my dad” I thought. So I text my girl friend who seems to be rebelling against what modern fashion says about modesty. She shared with me multiple testimonies of men who have been drawn to her because of her modesty, one of these men “an unbeliever and an attractive body builder.” This blew my mind. I mean this is the antithesis of what women are trained to believe about being attractive.
Over the next couple of weeks my heart and views on modesty began to change. The more I think about the way I want to see my high school girls dress, the more I think about the example I have been setting. There are times my motherly defenses shoot up and I want to tell them to “get back in the house and change clothes because you have lost your mind if you think you’re leaving dressed like that.” Im reminded of a particular time that I did indeed speak up about what one of them were wearing, and I will never forget her response to me: “well you wear the same thing. What’s the difference?” Boy did it sting hearing that! Even though it has taken me years to come to a place of humility and conviction to put it into action, she spurred me.
So here I find myself ravaging through a plethora of clothing. Surprisingly, it was an emotional task. Every outfit held a specific memory, some wonderful and some painful, but they all seem to hold the memory of who I used to be… as if my self was splitting into two distinctive people. This obviously comes from the issue of how often we put our identity in our personal style, the exact reason why we feel ugly in an outfit we don’t like.
Although I’m well aware of how different I returned home after being on the World Race, I didn’t expect it to be difficult giving up my old self, especially my clothes for goodness sake. The best way I could relate these seemingly ridiculous feelings is to compare it to pulling out the ex-boyfriend box. Girls you all know what I mean – when a relationship ends and you heartbreakingly store all of the pictures and memorabilia you can into a box that you stuff under your bed or on the top shelf of your closet, until one day you come across it again. As much as you know it’s completely over between you two, the act of throwing it out can be as raw and painful as the moment in which you hid it there. All I can say is it was oddly similarly tough.
Now if I haven’t lost you in the emotionality talk and storytelling stick with me for one more thing:
I say all of this say, in the words of my wise rebel friend, girls let’s “redefine sexy! You are worth so much more than being lusted over.” You are each wonderfully and beautiful created, and you don’t need to let it all hang out for this to be true. You have so much more to offer than your body. Oh how easy it is for us to call out other women for their attire that gives off a perception of ease yet so difficult to see it about ourselves. Therefore, when you’re trying on an article of clothing, imagine if your little sister was wearing it; judge yourself the same.
If you’re in a relationship or even preparing for a future relationship, girls, respect your man enough to know that he’s physically driven, but chose to protect him instead of tempt him. Look for a man who will respect you for it, not push you for more. And guys, look for a girl that respects and values herself enough that she saves her body for your eyes only on your wedding night. Find a girl who respects you enough to guard your heart by guarding your eyes and therefore both of your purity. And lastly, tell them these things, for they will mean much more coming from you than me.
Thanks for reading a blog about how emotional I can get over selling my clothes but more importantly how radically the Fire of refinement can bring change to a heart that’s seeking to please her Father. I hope you’re blessed by it.
with love,
KP
