“What’s next?” has seemed the question of the hour since returning home. Unlike most racers, it wasn’t too scary of question for me because I had a plan –The Fellowship.
The next question, I attempted to answer with a little less certainty, “What is that?” Well, the best way I’ve come to describe it is a 6 month internship with AIM (the organization over the World Race, among many other endeavors) focused on discipleship, leadership, and professional development.
For some reason, people are still confused and go on to ask, “Soooo, what will you be doing?” Hmmm. This one stumps me a bit because I’m still waiting to be placed in a department there, but I generally respond with something along the lines of “I think I’ll be working in a certain department with AIM as well as attending leadership classes.”
My insecurities start to rise as they don’t seem convinced. The downward spiral begins quickly as I start asking myself questions like “what am I doing with my life?” or “is this really the path I’m supposed to be taking?” I frequently have to remind myself why I committed to this new chapter of uncertainty with such confidence just 4 months ago.
Rewind back to June when my team and I were in Changlun, Malaysia. Now, there wasn’t much happening in this not-so-bustling town or even with our preschool ministry that month, BUT the Lord chose this location to propel me forward in our relationship together and grow me leaps and bounds spiritually (feel free to read my blog post about that). It was here that our hosts poured into me daily, and prophesied many things over me. One of the things our Pastor spoke over me one night was a greater leadership beyond the World Race and that I would someday stand on my own, not under an organization. In my head, I was all, “Thanks, but no thanks.” I had just been raised up to a team leader the month before, and to be honest, it was a bit rough. That being said, though, I do tend to thrive in leadership. I’ve been a team captain, a club president, class VP, promoted to supervisor at my first job, etc. I don’t mind stepping up to get things done and taking on a bit of responsibility. The thing is, though, that I always have someone ahead of me to run to or hand things over that I’m unsure of (a coach, manager, etc.). I’ve never dreamed of running my own business or anything like that –it honestly seems more like a headache to me. So, I prayed that word out a bit with God and let it sit.
A month and a half later, I’m sitting at our second to last debrief in Siem Reap, Cambodia. Our lovely Squad Mentor, Stacy, starts talking about post-race plans and opportunities. I’m in complete denial –like sitting in the back row, arms crossed, mean mugging denial. I LOVED the race and wasn’t ready for it to end or start preparing for life afterwards. As I touched on in my last blog, God spoke to me during this debrief, and gave me the peace to move forward. He told me, “Empty your hands to receive what I have for you. Don’t reach for something from your past or grab onto what you think you need. Just empty your hands.” There were a few things he was asking me to let go of, but one of them was this idol I had made the race out to be and another was the fear of going home. He made a promise to me that He would provide when I had made the room for Him. A few days later, I received a card shoved under my door (so, james bond, right?) with an invitation to interview for the fellowship. Again, of all the options Stacy presented to us that week, the fellowship was at the bottom of the list of things I really wanted to pursue. But if I’ve learned anything, it’s not about me, it’s about Him, and His plans and adventures seem to always be SO MUCH BETTER.
As I read the blurb about what the fellowship was in a nutshell, which included something about professional and leadership development, I was brought back to the word my host gave me in Malaysia. So, I did the interview, prayed a lot about it, and held it with open hands. If it wasn’t supposed to happen, He would close the door. A few months later, I was accepted.
While I’m still unsure what the future holds, I’m praying that the fellowship helps to clarify that vision and launch me forward in it. I have confidence that this is where He wants me; so, I’m choosing to walk forward obediently in that.
For this program, I have to fund raise $9,950, the breakdown of which is as follows:
Fellow housing expenses: 20%
Fellows stipend: 50%
Admin & Overhead: 10%
Program expenses: 20%
My deadlines are:
March 1st: $3,000
May 15th: $6,500
August 1st: $9,950 (full amount)
Please consider partnering with me prayerfully and financially on this next step of the incredible journey God has me on. Thank you so much for your continued support!
