I’d like you to meet my friend, Elizabeth. She is the last friend I made on the World Race. Although, God seemed to have wanted to be cliche and save the best for last.
Throughout the course of the World Race I learned a lot of lessons, sat in a lot of pain, cried many tears, wrestled with God almost every single step of the way, walked through a ton of healing and, some how, I’ve been refined. But with all that being said, by the end of the World Race, there were still two lessons I needed to be reminded of…
You see, my heart felt as if it could only endure but so much. Only so much hurt, only so much change, only so much life. The lessons I had left to learn, or re-lean, were love and trust.
My heart needed to be reminded of a few things. First, there is no such thing as too much love, second, love is a choice and, third, when you forgive, you love.
I’ve went most of the World Race in fear… Fear of letting love in and getting hurt again. Getting hurt worse this time. Getting hurt and not being able to get back up. Fear of letting myself love another person and my heart being scattered all over the Earth, never able to be whole because it would never be all together in one place.
I’ve wrestled with God. I’ve questioned His honesty, integrity, faithfulness, and whether or not He is truly trustworthy. I wrestled because I was afraid He would allow me to get hurt again.
God saved Elizabeth for last because He knew I would not be able to resist loving her and letting her love for me into my heart. I rarely picked up a child throughout the last 11 months. I rarely allowed my heart to open up and let children in. I told people, “I’m not sure I want children. I’m not sure I ever will.” Only to see a child and, secretly, be brought to tears because I was terrified. Terrified because I knew letting them into my heart, letting them into my life was part of what He created me do. He created me to love kids, if for no other reason than to be reminded of how He loves me.
Elizabeth was the smallest child in our entire VBS. Regardless of her size she was extremely independent and she walked to the beat of her own drum, which I loved! I caught myself telling people, “If I ever have a kids they’ll be just like her.” For one week she became my best friend. All she needed was me and, as much as I didn’t want to admit it, I needed her.
I needed her to remind me it’s okay to let love in, it’s okay to feel things, it’s okay to be afraid of getting hurt again. I needed her to remind me that what’s not okay is to keep love locked out due to fear of pain.
When we lock love out of our hearts, we lock it out completely. We think we’re able to compartmentalize where we lock love out and let love in, but we’re not that good…it doesn’t quite work that way. We think we’re that good and we think it works that way, but before we know it we’re completely numb. Numb to love.
Numb to love, that was me. But all it took was one moment – spinning around and around in a field to realize my heart was captured by the love she had to give. I wish I had a picture of the way she let me hold her; how much she trusted me. The picture to the right is merely a glimpse of how she would toss herself backward. Typically, she would have her legs wrapped around my waist, lean completely back, close her eyes and hold her arms out. Her entire body, her entire life, her safety was completely in my hands. If I fell, she went down too. But she didn’t think about what pain could possibly come to her, she trusted I would keep her safe. All she could think about was how amazing it was to spin around and around, and about how she wanted to “spin again!”
Healing. Forgiveness. Love. Trust.
Elizabeth reminded me that we’re not only to give love, but to receive love. And receiving love often takes more trust than giving love does. When you open your heart to receive love, you’re opening your heart and letting someone fill the spots you keep closed to the rest of the world. You’re letting them into your most vulnerable space.
I could live my entire life giving love to others without ever letting love in, but Elizabeth reminded me what an empty life it would be. Trusting others enough to receive the love they desire to give takes courage…it takes a step of faith. Didn’t Jesus first love us while we were still sinners? Didn’t we feel unworthy of His love yet, He still gave it to us? He gave it over and over again until, finally, we let love in. Until finally, we decided to open up our hearts and trust Him.
Once we trusted Him and the love He had to give, did we not receive the greatest gift? Did we not receive this overwhelming, overflowing joy which filled our hearts because we knew without a doubt we were loved?
What emptiness we walk in when we keep our hearts locked away from receiving love…
Love is a choice.
Choose to let love in.
Choose to allow love to fill your heart with joy.
