A year ago today I woke up, grabbed my computer and finished my application for the Word Race…because my best friend said I had 24 hours or my computer would be hacked and it would be submitted for me. I rolled out of bed, prepared for the day and, as usual, went off to work. When I arrived home the tidy, picture-esk vision of life I had in my mind began to crumble right in front of me. That night, my flesh began to get the best of me. I began to question everything. Can I trust my own judgement? Am I fit to protect myself? Will I ever be worthy of the love my heart desires? Did I ever even really hear God speak..? Or is this entire relationship I have with Him simply something I have concocted of my own imagination?
Looking back the order of the day reminds me God had His hand in everything. He knew exactly what He was doing and He knew exactly what would happened. He had prepared firm steps for me that, in the moment, I couldn’t fathom or see.1 Months before He had began working, preparing exactly what He knew my heart would need. In March He gave me the time off to process and draw into Him, He gave me a new job, with a boss who is a Christian, He placed it on the heart of another to ask me to join a missions trip in June, and June was finally here…
My world was crumbling before me, so, He wrapped me in His arms and took me out of the country. He brought me to two groups of kids – some I knew, some I had never before seen. He had prepared the space and time I needed to draw into Him for strength and protection, but He also had bigger plans. He took that week down in Nicaragua to teach me people actually do love…and it doesn’t cost a thing. Christ-like love is to be freely given and freely received. He brought me to a place where I could let down my walls and let Him in, unafraid of the harm that might come while I exposed myself, unguarded.
People often talk about how others go on short term missions trips, get a “spiritual high,” then come home and fall into the same patterns all over again. I get it, I see how one could look at another and judge them – but it’s not our place to judge, is it? No, it’s not.2 This is my perspective and something He taught me that week and the year to follow:
People have walls a mile high around their hearts. Why? Because they have innocently put their heart out there loving others and desiring love in return only to be hurt. One-by-one they stack brick upon brick, with each heartache, hurt, scratch or scrape, the wall is built higher and higher. We come into this world ready to give and receive love, but quickly learn putting your heart out there only gets you hurt. We all do it, so don’t pretend you don’t, we fantasize about what love is like and all the good things it will be. But we fail to remember we’re being loved by humans, humans just like you and me, who have, just like us, been hurt and stacked bricks up. So we try to love and desire love in return only to hit a wall – the wall around their heart. For a little while we keep hitting the wall, trying to tear it down; make it fall to the ground. Not with violence or vengeance, but with love we keep hitting the wall over and over hoping to one day receive love in return – but we don’t. So we give up, walk away, say things such as “I can’t handle this pain.”
It’s all about perspective though…do you only see what is right in front of you or do you see how Christ is using you? If you only see what is right in front of you, you’ll think you’re up against this wall which will never fall. It will feel as if all your efforts are for nothing. You’ll feel like you’re hitting the wall over and over again only to walk away with cuts and bruises – proof you’ve tried to love, without receiving love in return.
But, if you go before the Lord and ask to have a glimpse of His perspective, how He is using you, you would see that every time you hit the wall with love you’re being used to make a fracture in its foundation. Just like the seed takes time to grow, the wall takes time to fall. One does not plant a seed and immediately see a fruit bearing tree.3 Neither does one hit a wall and immediately see it fall. When you hit them with love they may not even register they’ve been hit – the micro fractures still occurs though. Don’t give up hope, God is using you.4
We hit this wall around the hearts of those we love or the ones God has called us to love. We hit it, and we hit it, and we hit it. With our human eyes it looks pointless, but every time we hit that wall we make a fracture and the next time we hit it, we make another fracture. Eventually, those fractures become a crack in the wall. After a while a brick falls down, then another, and another. We hit some more and an entire section of the wall begins to fall. One day, we look up and realize that person no longer has a wall around their heart instead they are now giving and receiving love.
We too often give up hope and walk away because we want to see a brick fall immediately. But if we were to draw into the Lord for strength He would equip us with everything we need to endure the long-suffering of hitting the wall over and over again until it falls.5 It’s called long-suffering for a reason – it’s not easy. Nothing Christ has promised us is easy, because it comes at the cost of dying, dying to our selfish desire to walk away and say “I can’t handle this pain.” But think of the pain He endured for us on the cross. Think of how everyday He comes back and hits your wall. Do you think its easy for Him to be rejected day after day? To know His beloved child is choosing, using the free will He gave you, to walk away.
That’s just the thing, we as humans walk away too soon. We are called not only to receive love, but to give love. Yet more often than not we aid others in stacking the bricks upon their wall. Inflicting pain, heartache, scrapes and bruises in the form of rejection, belittling comments and actions that don’t match words making others feel less than lovable… And then, we come across someone we desire to love but decide their wall is to big or too high, it will take too much effort or too much time to tear it down and get to the love they keep locked up inside. Yet God encourages us to persevere through trials of many kinds; He calls us to love our brothers and sisters in Christ.6
God asks us to persevere, to hit the wall Satan has built over and over again until it falls; the wall Satan built by feeding us lies. Every brick stacked high is something Satan has said or done to make us feel afraid of love, keep everyone at arms distance and keep our true desire to love and be loved locked inside. But heres the thing, perfect love cast out fear,7 Jesus Christ was perfect, therefore, Christ-like love is the only perfect love, and we, as heirs – sons and daughters of the King, have the ability to give perfect love as a gift. It is through drawing into Him that He shows us what our brothers and sisters need. You and I don’t have to strength to tear down the wall or the insight to know the battles our siblings are facing, but Christ does and He desires to show you what to do, what they’re going through and how to love away the enemy.
Here’s a personal example for you – In March, when He gave me time off to process and draw into Him, He used that time for two things that I know of, but probably more than I am able to see. First, He used that time to teach me how important it is to draw into Him for strength. His joy is our strength8 and Psalms 16:11 says, “You will make (have made) known to me the paths of life; You will fill me with joy in Your presence with eternal pleasures at your right hand.”
When we spend time in His presences we will be filled with joy, we will be filled with strength, He will make known to us the paths of life He desires for us to take. We will undoubtedly face trials of many kinds throughout our lives and one of those trials may be to hit the wall of your brother or sister. These trials may seem overwhelming from the human perspective, but when we draw into Him no trial is too difficult to overcome. With Him as your leader, filled with His strength, you can overcome any trial, you can overcome any temptation the enemy throws your way and you can aid your brother or sister in battle.
Secondly, He used March to give me insight into our siblings trial and gave instruction on how to fight alongside them. The instruction He gave was Hebrews 3:!3, “Encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” Hardened by sins deceitfulness… Sounds a little like bricks being placed around a heart, believing the lies of Satan and keeping love at arms distance, doesn’t it? But the Lord is faithful, when we draw into He gives instruction and then we have a choice, to obey or not to obey. That time I chose obedience, I encouraged my sibling in Christ, and asked the Lord for the words He desired to encourage them with everyday.
Remember how I said sometimes you hit a wall and the one who was hit doesn’t even register they’ve been hit, but how the micro fractures still occur? That’s exactly what happened. It was difficult at first, I felt I was walking in obedience, but nothing was coming to fruition. It wasn’t until one year and two months later I saw how the Lord had used me, used the words He desired to speak to them to break down the wall around their heart.
We often don’t see the fruit, don’t see the wall fall right away and that is why it is important to walk in faith. Faith is defined in Hebrews 11:1 as, being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. In that moments Satan employed tricks and deceit to make me believe God was not truly using His servant to break down the wall, it would have been easy to myself fall. Instead, His word and the Holy Spirit reminded me of His truth just as Jesus said,9 they reminded me to walk in faith and maintain hope; that the love of Christ would prevail.
The words of the Lord carry weight, the weight of a wrecking ball, the weight needed to demolish a wall. We have the ability to be used by Christ to carry His love to the world, but we also have the free will to choose to judge. When we choose to judge, we choose to aide the enemy in stacking bricks, building higher the walls around our siblings hearts. Whether it’s a sibling who has left for a short term missions trip, who comes home and falls into the same patterns of life or a sibling who is facing a trial at home, next door to you, right in front of your eyes, you have a choice to make – do you judge them for the fear Satan has instilled in them or do you love them? Do you stack another brick upon the wall or do you go to the Lord, ask for insight and instruction, walk in obedience, endure the long-suffering, allow yourself to be used as a vessel to create a community where your bother or sister feels safe enough to let down their walls, expose themselves…unguarded. When we choose to walk in obedience, when we create a community of safety, that is the area where Christ can use you as a vessel to demolish the lies Satan has fed them for their entire life and replace those lies with perfect, Christ-like love and truth.
A year ago today I would have looked you dead in the eyes and said, “No one gives love for free, it always comes at a price.” Spite would have been the tone on my lips and the unsaid words my body language screamed. As wrong as I would have been in the moment, because of my perspective, there would have been some truth to those words. It’s amazing what a perspective shift can do, how it can open your eyes…
The love we have the ability to give, perfect love, was not free – it came at the cost of Jesus Christ being hung on the cross. It costs Jesus His life and it will cost us ours too. I know, I know the love of Jesus is free… Yes, it is free to receive. But to love like Christ will come at the price of denying your flesh, denying your human selfishness, denying yourself the things and ways of men and choosing the treasures of Heaven over the instantly gratifying treasures of Earth. Being used as a vessel, a servant to bring the love of Christ to the world will come at the price of your worldly life.10
So, what do you treasure? Do you treasure the affirmations of men or do you treasure the Heavenly blessings received from walking in obedience, from following Christ?11 “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also;”12 and where your treasure lies, your actions will follow. Your actions have the ability to aide the enemy in his attacks, in stacking bricks high or your actions have the ability to bring you before the throne of God and say, “Use me to knock down walls and carry Your love to every person you intend me to bring it to. Use me to create a family of safety and be a vessel used to exemplify Your perfect-love”
God had His hand in everything. He knew I needed the a new community, Christ-like love and to learn lessons He desired to teach me. He knew I needed to submit my application in the morning because in the night my world would crumble before my very eyes. He knew exactly what He was doing and He prepared the direction for me to go. He went before me, months in advance, preparing the safety, strength and encouragement my heart would need to choose to continue pursuing Him, walking in faithfulness, instead of getting buried alive by the bricks of lies. He pulled me out of my home community and placed me where I needed to be.
First, He placed me in the community of high schoolers and Nicaraguan kids teaching me Christ-like love is freely given and freely received. Second, He placed me on the World Race where I have been able to walk through the pain inflicted by humans who have been used by the enemy to feed me lies which built a wall around my heart. Faithfully, He has one by one gently taken down brick after brick. I sit here, still hindered in love by the pain from a year ago today. But today I sit here, closer to Christ, more aware of His character and what it looks like to give and receive love in a Christ-like way. Today, it’s easier to spot the attacks of the enemy trying to feed me lies and stack bricks on my wall. It’s also easier to notice the walls of others, to distinguish the one’s who need to be loved patiently; with long-suffering.
I know what it’s like to be afraid, afraid of love… I know what it’s like to be afraid to let people in, do it and get hurt again. I know what it’s like to go somewhere and feel safe, able to let down your walls, return home and fall into the patterns of your past and get judged. I know what it’s like to struggle, fall down and then use every ounce of human strength you have to try and stand back up. But I’ve learned you and I have a choice. We can choose to draw into Christ for joy, for strength, to make it through the trails we face or we can lie down and allow Satan to burry us alive underneath bricks of lies.
Dear Reader,
Just as this was my prayer for my sibling in Christ this past year, this today is my prayer for you… “May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing His will, and may He work in you what is pleasing to Him through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.”13
Biblical References
- Proverbs 3:25-26: Have no fear of sudden disaster or the ruin the overtakes the wicked, of the Lord will be your confidence an will keep your foot from being snared.
- James 4:11-12: Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks agains his brother or judges him speaks agains the laws and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it but sitting in judgement on it. There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you – who are you to judge your neighbor?
- Mark 8:1-15; verse 15: But the seed on good soil stands for those with a nobel and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce crop.
- Hebrews 6:19: We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.
- 2 Thessalonians 3:3-5: The Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one. We have confidence in the Lord that you are doing and will continue to do the things we command. May the Lord direct your hearts into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance.
- James 1:2-4: Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
- James 1:12: Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life that tGod has promised to those who love him
- 1 Peter 4:12-19
- Galatians 5:14: The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
- Galatians 6:9-10: Let us do not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.
- 1 John 4:18: there is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
- Nehemiah 8:10b: Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.
- John 14:26: But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and remind you of everything I have said to you.
- Matthew 16:21-28, Mark 8:31-38, Luke 9:18-27, John 12:20-26
- Luke 11:28: He [Jesus] replied, “Blessed rather are those who hear the world of God and obey it.”
- Matthew 6:21: For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
- Hebrews 13:20-21
