Four days ago I walked into training camp and the weight of responsibility fell so hard on top of my shoulders. I had been asked to lead a team of six other racers (term referring to others doing the world race).
How?
How am I, a 22-year old girl who just goes with the flow, how am I supposed to lead these people? I am not equipped. I don’t even feel like an adult. Heck, I still live at home, am on my parent’s insurance and hardly know what to wear each day without my little sister’s opinion.
I am not qualified for this.
It’s easy to look in the mirror and not see what God sees in me. But why not? Why can’t I see myself the way God sees me?
I think I may have a reason as to why I don’t.
When God looks at me, he sees someone he desires to come into relationship with. It is when I accept this invitation, when I trust him to lead, I am putting myself in a position to follow. I am allowing him to go before me, to take the weight of responsibility, to guide me so that all that is left for me to do is follow.
When I choose to follow it changes my perspective. I envision myself standing on the edge of a jungle needing to find a guide, needing to find someone to trust to lead the way.
Staring into the vast expanse of green, the trees and leaves swallow any sunlight that tries to get through. The unknown lies ahead but I know that I am called to journey in. Overwhelmed, I wonder what I have gotten myself into.
But it’s all in perspective.
I am seeing myself at this point as a small, incapable person trying to take on the jungle all alone. I see myself as someone expected to know the way, know the path through a place I haven’t even stepped foot in. How am I supposed to be an adequate guide in a place I have never been and know nothing about?
But it’s all in perspective.
When I begin to allow the stress to slink off, I am mentally allowing God to take my load. As I stand there with everything imaginably needed for this trip, I feel the weight of everything I did in my own strength, all the desperate attempts to fully prepare myself for this moment. But even though I have everything I could think of needing, I still feel like I don’t have enough.
But then God revealed something to me.
No matter how much I stuff into my bag, no matter how much I mentally prepare for, no matter how organized or put together I feel, I will never be ready enough to enter the jungle.
It is not until I put down my pride and decide to trust in the unseen. It is not until I lay down control and admit that I can’t do this on my own. It is not until I ask the holy spirit to be my guide that I will be ready to enter into the jungle.
I felt so small, inadequate, and incapable when I looked at the vast expanse of jungle in front of me and tried to prepare to tackle it in my own strength.
But it’s all in perspective.
God is inviting me into this jungle, this vast expanse of opportunity and adventure. I cannot wait to see what he has for me. God has now blessed me with a vision of myself going into this race like Jane… yes, Jane from Tarzan.
It might sound crazy but that’s because it is! God has called me to leave comforts behind, to let him, to trust him to take me into deeper parts of the jungle. He has invited me to take part and not just stand on the outside looking in!
God has not invited me to join a program and live in fear and stress to follow his itinerary. God has invited me into an adventure through the unknown territories, through the vast jungles. He teaches me to swing from branches and vines, while Phil Collins sings, “I wanna know, can you show me?”
Bob Goff nails this concept in his book “Love Does” saying an adventure “is not a trip where He [God] sends us a rigid itinerary, He simply invites us.”
First, how exciting! Second, how great is our God to invite us on an adventure that we are so not qualified for! I may not be what everyone expects me to be and i don’t have some crazy-detailed itinerary for how to conquer the next 11 months.
What I do know is that God has called me out for a reason and I will honor that call with obedience and trust.
As I wait to enter the jungle, as I stand before the huge trees and all the unknowns, the weight of fear and anxiety falls off my shoulders. I look up and no longer feel intimidated by what I am facing, but instead giddy with excitement to say yes to this adventure and strap in for all God has to show me.
Thank you Jesus for your change of perspective, for a fresh outlook, for an adventure for your kingdom, and lastly for an adventure in missions!
