I think it’s hard to understand why I want to go ‘gallivanting’ across the world for 11 months for certain believers and non-beleivers alike. In fact, a year ago I might have wondered the same thing. I have found that it is much easier to know my world and to stay in it, than to explore outside of it, for to see the world in all of it’s brokenness is often a tragic reality. But this tragedy doesn’t win. This hunger, this hate, this disaster does not reign—and I realized that people despite the best attempts of the enemy can still see light and can still breathe in Jesus. I saw in the Filipino people who despite the corruption of their government, the destruction of Typhoons, and the ravenous poverty still choose Jesus in the morning, and welcome strangers like me to what little they have in hospitality in the evening. The world would be a much better place if more of us were like that. Don’t get me wrong, I love the comfort of my best friends, the warmth of a fire in the fall, and the comfort of my own bed. But there is something out there that is worth leaving it all for, there is something out there that encourages abandon, there is something out there thats calling me off of my comfortable place on this couch. And if we as disciples don’t listen to it, it is a whisper that may not be heard or answered. I will never regret going. I will regret not going though. Not saying yes.
No matter what happens, I have no doubt in my mind that I will thirst for home at certain points, that it will probably be the most difficult year of my life so far, that I will question/re-examine my beliefs, that I will lose plenty of sleep and be very unclean for most of it…but I want all of that. Give me burden, give me tears, give me a humility—as long as it is part of furthering His kingdom. I spent my early years of being a Christian picking and choosing from scripture what to believe. Believing the easier things but neglecting the radicalness of the gospel, the many calls that say come with me, or go, or leave it all. There is something in all of us that calls us to go, whether it is heard as a call to serve or just a call to see the world, we are programmed to leave where we are and take off for elsewhere. We have feet, not roots. At first it hurts as God rips up the roots we have planted in our hearts to home and comfort, but then I realized that removing these roots makes your home wherever He is, and thats where true safety lies. I would much rather live a life radically and perhaps recklessly, with an overflowing heart for Jesus— than live life as a well preserved character in the American dream. “It However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given to me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.” -Acts 20:24
I spent the first few weeks of being accepted on the race trying to justify and explain why I am going. Then I realized that this approval addiction is not only exhausting, but probably what fosters the fear in those who often thirst to go but don’t. I am saying no to the enemy, I will not be ruled by fear. Now, I am journeying to a place of peace in that some people aren’t going to get it or approve—but often a tried and true sign that you are doing something right as a believer is when people of the world say I don’t get it, no, or don’t. Each day brings new humility, revelation, and knowledge that God has much more for me before I go—but I know he is faithful even when I am not, and he’ll get me there.
