Looking out over the river Quai through tears, I sang along with David Crowder:
 Where there is pain, let there be grace
 Where there is suffering, bring serenity
For those afraid, help them be brave
Where there is misery, bring expectancy
Surely we can change, Surely we can change something.
And the problem it seems is with you and me
not the love who came to repair everything
I don’t know what to with a love like that
I don’t know how to be a love like that
When all the love in the world is right here among us
and hatred too and so we must  choose what are hands will do.
  Where there is pain, let us bring grace
Where there is suffering, bring serenity
For those afraid, let us be brave
 Where there is misery, let us bring them relief
surely we can change, surely we can change,

 surely we can change something
 
    As each tear fell and became part of the water encircling my feet, all I could feel was pain.  The pain of seeing something you feel helpless to change. The pain God must feel as he watches us suffers.  Just imagine all the pain you have felt in your life.  God was there feeling the magnitude of each tear, each wave of emotion, each desperate cry and each tear of your heart.  Now multiply that by every person you know, every person in the state you live in, every person in every country, the whole world, past, present and future.   Before this trip, I imagined God with joy that never ceases.  I imagined him always smiling as he looked down on me.  Tonight, I realized that God experiences as much pain as he does joy.  If he is with us at all times and through all things, how could he not know great  pain? 

    Yesterday, I met Ekine.  She is a women who lives in a village of Burmese refugees.  A man from the church, brought us to her village to pray for some of the church members. Ekine lives next door to a woman we prayed for.  As we were leaving, the man from the church, called us over behind a piece of tin roofing.  Curiously, we approached and found Ekine sitting in a wooden chair sheltered from the sun by the tin . As Mon, our translater, spoke to her, we learned that she was suffering from the effects of a stroke.  Her body was very weak and she  was not strong enough to walk.  Kira felt the Lord asking us to pray for healing.  Kneeling down we put our hands on her legs and feet and began to ask God to heal her.  After praying for a few minutes, I opened my eyes and saw Jen Crane speaking with her  husband.  The husband searched around and handed Jen a towel and a basin of water.  Jen gently washed Ekine’s feet as we continued praying. Once we had all prayed. Mon said she felt like the Lord had healed Ekine and that she needed to practice walking.  No time like the present, so we gently helped Ekine to her feet.  Jennifer and I held her arms to steady her as she walked the few feet to her house and back to her chair.  My heart was exhilerated to see God giving her strength to walk.  We promised to come back the next day and help her practice. It was a beautiful moment seeing my team lavish Christ love on Ekine.

 

Excitement and anticipation grew  within me, as we were to return and help Ekine practice walking.  The sun was scorching hot and caused us to delay our visit til late afternoon.  The day before the Lord provided a walker for Ekine through a neighbor.  Walker in tow, we looked for Ekine.  She was not in the same shady spot.  To our amazement, the house we visited yesterday was gone and a new house was halfway built.The foundation and floor were complete and several men were working on roofing the house with tin.  Ekine was in her chair waiting. 

“I want to walk today,”  She meant business. Jen and Jen helped her up and I steadied her from behind.   Mastering the walker, was no problem.  Her strength surprised us all and gave us reason to praise the Lord. I kept my hands on her back but she was doing all the work.  After making her way back to her chair, the wind picked up and we feared an eminent downpour.  Concerned, we asked if we could help her to a  more sheltered place.  Some words spoken in her native language brought her son over.  He scooped her up and brought her to a neighbor’s house. Mon and I followed with her chair. 

 

Newly situated and sheltered,  we continued talking to Ekine.  All of the sudden, Ekine was weeping.  Through her tears she spoke about how her husband sometimes beats her. Many times when she needs to use the restroom or has other needs she is beaten.  Looking into her children’s eyes as they speak and tend to her, you can see that she is an unwanted  burden.  The loneliness and despair in her words hung in the air. All I could do was stroke her back.  I wanted to run away  because the pain was palpable.

Minutesof helpless silence passed. Finally, not able to take it anymore, I said it was time to go.

“Tell her that we love her and will pray that her husband’s heart will change.”

This was all the encouragement I could muster.

 We left her sitting there.

 

The rains were on their way, but I didn’t care. I grabbed my ipod and bible and headed down to the river. I would give anything to take Ekine’s pain. I would pay any amount of money to give her relief.

As I am telling God this, I remember that He already paid the price by giving His life for Ekine.

Pain swept over me as the river swirled around my feet. It was the same pain I felt in Cambodia at the Killing Fields. The same pain I felt leaving  Happy Tree the orphanage for children with HIV.  The pain I felt is but one small drop compared to the pain God must feel. To know that he sent Jesus to die so that are suffering would end.  Everything we need or long for is available because of the blood of Jesus Christ, but so many don’t know.  Even Christians don’t know the freedom Christ died to give us. So I cried.  I cried and asked  that the Holy Spirit would find a prayer for Ekine in my weeping.

 

I found no answers, only a peace that passes all understanding.  Literally, I have no understanding of how God is moving in this situation. No understanding of how he will bring grace, relief, joy, serenity, bravery and provision.  No understanding of how I am supposed to help or be obedient. All I know is that I ran out of tears and God gave me peace.

Please pray for Ekine, her husband, her children and her community.

Pray for me as well. I want only to be obedient to God’s will on earth as it is in heaven. I don’t want to leave this place feeling better. I want to leave this place knowing that I was obedient to the will of God.

Even if I don’t understand.

Even if nothing appears to change.

Even if I still feel pain.
 
Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.
Luke 12:6-7 (NIV)