We were asked to write an essay called “This I Believe” about what really matters to us, as preparation for this world missions adventure called the World Race. This is what I believe… God needs to sift us in order to prepare us for his provision.
It is one thing to say “I believe God provides us with all we need,” and quite another to live it. Here is the first chapter of how God is showing me how to live in his provision.
Over the last three years I have been through a sifting process. In Luke, 22: 31-32, Jesus tells Simon that Satan has been given permission to sift him like wheat. Peter’s pride is about to set him up to deny Jesus. My pride was setting me up to much the same denial. I wanted to operate with God’s approval how ever I desired. Conforming to the likeness of Christ was going to be at my discretion and in my own power. Well, you don’t need to be a prophet to predict that I crashed and burned. All of the “plans God had for me” or so I thought, were falling apart. I dropped out of Oral Roberts University where I was studying to become a youth minister. I broke off my engagment to the man I thought God was preparing me for. My own strength was not enough.
In a attempt to put all that behind me and start new, I up and moved to Wilmington, NC. I labeled it “God’s calling”, but really I didn’t stop long enough to ask Him. The night before I left, I stood on my back porch realizing how much I needed God’s direction because I had not sought His will. I told God even though I had a packed U-haul in the driveway, I would stay if that was what He wanted. With love, he told me to go.
In his infinite wisdom, God brought me to North Carolina to be sifted. I needed Him to break me of my pride, stubborness, victimhood and the idols of my heart. Through this painful process, I have come to know God’s provision. In all things he provides exactly what I need. When I was broken and hurting, he provided healing and comfort. When I was restless, he provided the World Race. When I was undisciplined, he provide me with revelation through the scripture, books, and the teachers and trainers at camp this September. When I was downcast and frustrated, he provided affirmation and encouragement. This is just a drop in the bucket of all that God provides. Every need, he meets. Every burden, he carries. Every impossibility, he makes possible.
There are days when I stand firm on this promise and days when I don’t. My prayer for next year is for the days to stand firm to outnumber the other days. I want my eyes opened wide to the abundance of God’s provision for all his children. I am excited to meet people this next year and hear of God’s provision in their life. I can’t wait to face challenges and see God provision for my team. I hope to hear from all of you what God has been providing in your life.
