Standing at the top of a rather steep hill, I paused to catch my breath. My hand is still tightly clenched. Inside, something very valuable is hidden. On my journey, I have done everything in my power to protect this treasure. The moment of truth is upon me. Have all my efforts to protect and value this hidden treasure brought glory or destruction? As I look at my hand, I feel it clenching tighter and tighter. “What if everything I have done has only brought destruction? Am I brave enough to find out?”
In order to fully understand the magnitude of this moment, I must take you back to the beginning of my journey. We started our week at World Race Training Camp with some intense teachings on spiritual formation and inner healing. Immediately, I heard God speaking to me about my treasure. He was asking questions and I did not have good answers.
Two days later, the July racers are all gathered under a shelter at Unicoi State Park. Our next adventure was a Surrender Walk. We were asked “What is God asking you to surrender? Once you know, go find something in the surrounding area to represent it.”
I could barely get my head bowed and God was speaking. I knew what he wanted me to surrender. Searching around the shelter area, I was looking for a rock. Cold, hard, stone. As I was looking, I heard God say “Delicate”. Abandoning the search for a rock, I looked over and saw a patch of tiny yellow flowers. Ever so carefully, I bent down and chose a delicate flower
All my attention was directed toward the protection of this delicate flower. Every time I had to adjust my bag, get a drink or traverse some part of the path, I had to be mindful of how my flower was going to be affected. Normally, I would have just closed my hand around it and been off. This wasn’t just a flower to me, it was my treasure. I could not just carelessly get from Point A to Point B with no regard for its well-being.
The first half of the journey was fairly easy. God was speaking to me about how he longed to be the keeper of my treasure. He knew how to protect it. He knew all the good it was capable of. He kept telling me of how if I would let him have it much would be accomplished for His Kingdom. I was so excited to hear these things. Those had been my prayers for so long.
As I entered into the second half of the Surrender Walk, God said “Close your hand and do not open it until you are done.” At this point, the path went straight up this “mini mountain” that was littered with brush and fallen trees. Closing my fist, I began the hardest part of my journey.
The last bit was straight up and with only one hand it was grueling. Slipping and gripping with my other hand, I crawled my way to the top. My hand still tightly clenched. I could only imagine the condition of my delicate flower.
Moment of truth. God again is asking ” When will you offer you heart to me? When do I get to be the keeper, protector, healer and lover of your heart?”
Deep breath, my fingers rolled back to reveal smashed petals and a crooked stem broken in a few places. Seeing the destruction I had caused when I was trying to protect my flower made me wonder how much more damage had I done to my own heart. Who was I to think I could protect my heart better than God? All my effort, was in vain.
My heart was no longer my treasure but God’s to treasure.
