Living in a house of 46 people can be pretty crazy at times.
Now I just might be one of the most extroverted people you will ever meet, but
even I occasionally desire a little time to myself. On the race that typically
involves putting in those earbuds, pressing play on that iPod, closing your
eyes, and saying, “I’m by myself, I’m by myself.” Music is my heartbeat, one of
those things that can always bring me peace. That had been working really well
for me up until a few days ago.
I was sitting down for some time with the Lord and wanted a
little worship music when my little iPod decided he didn’t want to turn on.
Dead battery? If only I could be so lucky. Long story short my iPod has been
completely erased and is now a lovely $200 paperweight. I’m sure it comes as a
surprise, but unfortunately there’s not an Apple store here or in Haiti.
I would love to tell you that I reacted well to this. That I
was a good missionary who has chosen a lifestyle of abandonment and is no
longer connected to the things of this world, including little iPods. Not so
much.
Instead I first contemplated throwing my new paperweight
through the window. This got vetoed by rational Joshua, as I wanted to be able
to keep using the internet at the place. So I decided to complain instead.
“This is the ONE
thing that I NEED for this trip!”
“How can I not have
an iPod when it’s only a few weeks in?!”
“How am I going to
make it through this next year without this?!?!”
A few of my teammates were subjected to my dramatic
complaints and I warned that for the rest of the night my patience was pretty
much shot. (Did I mention I’m supposed to be the team leader? Ooops!) It was
definitely not one of my shining moments and I wasn’t in the best mood for the
rest of the night.
Thankfully God is patient with us, and the past two days
I’ve really sought out the Lord on my “loss”. See the problem is I felt
entitled to my iPod. I felt that if I’m going to live out of a backpack, I at
least deserve an iPod.
Wrong.
Life in Christ means dying to my rights, dying to the things
of this world, and depending on Him. He calls me to tear away my dependence on
the things that break and fade away, and learn to live in dependence on Him.
I never would have thought it, but clearly my iPod holds a
great deal of importance in my life; far too much importance. Instead of
running to my headphones when I need refuge, I have now been FREED to run to
the arms of my Father. It’s never easy to break away from these things, but
thankfully I don’t have to do it alone. I’m confident the Lord knows exactly
what I need… and what I don’t. Even if that means having a very expensive
paperweight.
