We have been in the Philippines about a week and a half now and it has become more comfortable every day. It is difficult to invest in a place if there are very little relationships being built, but the Lord has been faithful here to create relationships in different ways. A lot of my team's time here has been spent doing construction because this ministry is growing like crazy and it is amazing. We have been building walls, digging holes, and leveling ground. We have also spent quite a bit of time with the girls who live in the community and go to school next door. But the Lord really blessed me two days ago in a way that I was not expecting.
It was Friday and during breakfast one of my teammates, Alana, came up and said she needed someone to go with her to the women's clinic because one of the ladies there was about to have a baby and she wanted to go help. So impulsively I volunteered and we ran to the clinic to meet this woman. As soon as I walked into the room and saw her laying on the bed, all I could think about was how tiny she looked and how basic the room was. No monitors, no doctors, no machines, nothing but a plain hospital bed. We find out that she can't have the baby at the clinic because they don't have a license for delivery, so this woman who is nearly fully dilated had to walk about 10 minutes to a house where there would be enough room and clean enough to deliver her child. As Alana and I are walking behind her the only thoughts crossing my mind were that she has had no medication, she could go into labor any second, and she is WALKING to someone's house! Unbelievable. When we get to the house she settles in and we just wait. While we are waiting I start to think that maybe I shouldn't have volunteered because I am no help and I don't understand the language of the people in the house so I can't have a conversation with anyone and we will be waiting for who knows how long. So I am asking the Lord to change my attitude. After about 10 minutes I start talking to this Filipino lady there, Ellen, who speaks great English. So I get really excited and start asking her question after question about her life and where she has been and her family and it just fascinates me. Turns out she is a missionary and married an American man who she lived in the States with for 18 years before they moved back to her home country to follow the call that the Lord placed on their hearts. I was so thankful for that conversation because my mind is being opened to how many people give up so much to obey the great commission. I honestly cannot fathom leaving my home forever for a completely new life and I have met a handful of people here who have done just that.
After about an hour the woman is fully dilated and goes into labor. Now, I have seen two births before so it was not a shock to me except for how incredibly different these Filipino women act as they are giving birth. They are told not to make noise because they live so close to each other and do not want to disturb the people who are literally on the other side of the wall. She had no pain medication whatsoever, she is laying on a wooden platform, and she makes absolutely no noise while she delivers a beautiful baby boy. Although we didn't get to talk to this lady at all, it was an incredible experience to see how things were done in other places. My mind is so small and my ignorance is great in the fact that I have no idea what other people's lives are like. I kept thinking 'this is their normal, this is all they know, this is life' and I still don't think I have fully processed what it means to me. The rest of the day I volunteered in the kitchen here at our ministry site and that was a huge blessing. I love to cook and I loved cooking with the Filipino women in the kitchen, they are so funny and so full of life and willing to talk and ask questions. It was a day filled with fruitful relationships that were completely unexpected.
I am asking daily for the Lord to open my heart to love fully, to blow my small thinking out of the water. My capacity to love is so small compared to how he calls me to love and it is something that I have to constantly seek and ask for. I cannot produce the kind of love that my Lord wants me to possess on my own. I can say that I love building relationships and that is true, but I want to get to the point of being able to say that I love people and that's it. I love them whether or not I know their life story or know nothing about them, I love them whether they are clean or dirty, I love them whether they love me or not. That is the place I want the Lord to move me towards because I honestly know I am not there yet. I am too full of my own selfishness and censored acceptance and I want to be completely stripped of that. I believe that God is able to do it, I do not know how long it will take but I know I need to be willing to work with him and surrender. It is a daily battle that will not be handed over easily, but it will be won.
