This blog is for a lot of different things and it is by no means going to be a quick read. Brace yourselves. What I plan to write about and share with you all is a collection of thoughts, feelings, and understandings that have been developing for over a decade now. In a sense, this blog is to be dedicated to an incredible group of friends that I have called my closest since 2006, some even longer. I rarely see them anymore. Not just because I have been on the race for seven months now, but also because we have grown individually in a way that has seen practically all of our paths diverge at various points over the last four years. I can share more, but for the point of context, the question I am seeking to answer in this blog is an obnoxious one that I could not get past for years prior to the race: if we are designed for community, why do we leave it behind?
I could tell you about a lot of different people that this blog could apply to. I could tell you about Collin, Ryan, and Thomas, three of my very best friends from high school. I could tell you about Phil, Chris, and Thomas (different one), a few guys that I shared an apartment with for a few years prior to the race. Thomas and I only lived together for six months, but I’ve known him since he was in 8th grade and he’s like a brother to me. Then there is Laura, Jonathan, and Shannon, with who I helped lead a church for several years. I could tell you about James, Geoff, Colton, and Justin, some guys from high school that I ended up becoming great friends with at points throughout college. I could even tell you about Shane, Max, Sam, Jackson, and their friends who, over the last two years became less like projects for the Kingdom and more like friends who I longed to love and longed to see come to know the Lord intimately.
I could tell you about any of those people and it would be a great story. But this story is about a different group of men. This story is about Matt, Jim, Ernie, PJ, Josh, Paul, Steve, Jeremy, Adam, Mike, Jason, and Brooks. Some of them are married to women who could be included here as well, so I want them to know just how much they have meant to me as well. But for the sake of this blog, I will leave it to these men. Over the years, these are the 12 names that have had the greatest impact on my life. I’d love to tell you why…
I moved into the Toolbox in 2006. The Toolbox definitely wasn’t for the faint of heart. I’m pretty sure my mom lost a couple years off of her life knowing I was living in such close proximity to that much black mold. That being said, it was a glorious house for a group of nine men in college and it was probably the central element that launched most of us into our college and young adult community. I met some of them while at the Toolbox and others both earlier and later in life. Over the years of being a community, there were countless numbers of memories shared between all of us. As Jason reminds us at all of our group reunions, “it seems like every time we get together, you all just share the same Toolbox stories over and over again.” Jason never lived at the Toolbox, so he was certainly warranted. We were a body of men that shared life together in a way that could have been a “six seasons and a movie” type of sitcom. For the sake of “brevity,” I’ll share some of my favorite memories here and what I loved about each of these men. I cannot do them justice in one paragraph, but I want to share about them, so hopefully this gives you a deeper insight into the types of men they are. I could probably write a short novel about each of them, so if this gets wordy, I apologize:
- Jeremy – I’ve spent a lot of life with Jeremy. We worked together, did Young Life together, and lived together under the same roof. The following statement is probably one of the most true statements I will say in this entire blog: No one called our group higher with more boldness, bravery, and grace than Jeremy did. He refused to stand for some of the unhealthy things that we did. He annoyed the hell out of us (literally), but I think each of us had a deep respect for Jeremy because of his leading. No one has encouraged me more in my walk with the Lord than Jeremy. The stories for Jeremy are truly endless, but one of my favorites is the night we duct taped him to a post on the front porch. I know, it sounds mean, but it was hilarious. While waiting for Jeremy to come home one night, the rest of us decided to prank him by duct taping him to the post. Simple as that. And it worked. After attempting to fight us off for a minute or so, he eventually gave in. He knew it was all in good fun. So we taped him there and went inside. We lived on a college street, so groups of students would walk by, laugh, and then move on, refusing to help. A group of sorority girls actually said they would help, but instead laughed and kept on walking. We didn’t leave him out there for too long before cutting the tape and hanging out together as a group. I love this story because it speaks so much truth about who Jeremy is. He is patient, enduring, fun-loving, and full of grace. Even when I failed to love Jeremy well, he never wavered in his love for me. He exudes God’s grace and represents with great authority what it means to be a temple for the Holy Spirit.
- Matt – I had the fortune of being the best man in Matt’s wedding several years ago. Matt and I have been friends since 7th grade and I’ve been able to call him one of my very best friends since then. Matt has this really cool warrior mentality about him. His tattoo of the armor of God on his back is so appropriate for who God created in Matt. He is that friend who you know will have your back in every situation. Matt is the kind of man who stands up for the things that matter and puts the things that don’t in their rightful place. It took me the better part of an hour to decide which story to share about Matt. I settled on the multiple times that he and I have watched the movie Orange County. Since we were in early high school, Matt and I shared an obsession with that movie, to the point where we quote the movie from start to finish whenever we get together. There were consecutive weekends where we would spend our time in his basement watching it over and over again. It sounds kind of dumb, but it’s also one of those memories and shared experiences that I find myself cherishing more than anything else with Matt. Another awesome story was the time that he and I got the wise idea to try and build a tree house in the land behind his parents’ house. Mind you, we were, I believe, juniors in high school at this point and definitely should have known better. It never crossed our minds that the land had to have belonged to someone. We spent an entire afternoon cutting down trees and burning brush in a barrel. After probably three hours of chopping, Matt’s neighbor comes walking down the hill to see what we were doing before telling us we were cutting down his trees. The look on his face was priceless. He was completely bewildered, and, frankly, it was hilarious. Living life alongside Matt was a daily adventure. No day was the same as the one before. Matt will be a man that I call a best friend forever and I’m eternally grateful for his role in my life.
- Ernie – In the grand scheme of things, I think I learned more from Ernie than I did from 5.5 years in college. Ernie has a brilliant and witty mind. He would often share stories and insight into things that would keep my attention captivated in a way no one else had the skill to do. He is also a massive human-being with some of the biggest hands known to man. He can fix anything that needs fixing and break anything that doesn’t need breaking. Apologetically, one of my favorite stories about Ernie occurred when I wasn’t even present. He and some of the other guys went camping during the winter. The only way to get to their camping spot was on this single road winding up a mountain with a cliff on one side. At the time, the road was covered with a sheet of ice. Most normal men would have conceded defeat and moved on, but we are just a bit too stupid for that kind of thinking. So Ernie went for it in “his” Jeep. He made it about halfway before the Jeep couldn’t keep traction and started slipping toward the edge. Jeremy jumped out of the car and Ernie followed before it was too late. Fortunately, instead of flipping down the side of the mountain inside the Jeep, Ernie was able to marvel at the process unfolding before him from the safety of that sheet of ice. I’m certain that he was significantly more bummed about it, but when he and the rest of the guys came home that night, I couldn’t tell. He just smiled and confidently said, “well, I flipped the Jeep off the side of the mountain.” As you can see, Ernie is incredibly level-headed and there are few things in this world that seem capable of rattling him.
- PJ – I don’t really know where to start with PJ. PJ is probably the smartest person I know. He also does fun and pranking better than anyone I know. One of the many things I’ve learned from PJ over the years is how hard it is to adequately prank someone who already does it so well. PJ does fun really well. He also does an exceptional job at making people feel loved and wanted in the moment. I’m not sure he even knows how good he is at this, but over the years, I saw him consistently make an effort to create space for the people with which he was sharing his life. He led Young Life close to an hour away and did so for four years while majoring in one of the most difficult programs at James Madison University. He was dedicated and he was really good at it. One of the endless numbers of stories I could tell you about PJ also speaks to his carefree and easy-going nature. Though this may cause Adam to cringe, one of my favorite moments with PJ was during Ernie’s bachelor party. We rented a cabin on a river in Virginia, which had a hot tub on the back porch. In an effort to enhance our fun this weekend, PJ and I decided to dump a bottle of dishwasher soap in the hot tub and turn on the jets. It was just as awesome as it sounds. Adam ended up with a gnarly rash as a result, but he lived, so it’s okay. PJ loves hot tubs. While we were on a cruise along with Mike, Jason, Colton, and Jim, PJ decided to try and make Kool-Aid in the hot tub by filling his pockets with red Kool-Aid powder and jumping in. Sadly, it didn’t work, but looked like he was bleeding for a while, which was fun. All that said, PJ just exudes fun and joy.
- Steve – Out of everyone on this list, I’ve known Steve for the shortest period of time. That being said, I feel like I’ve known Steve since I was a kid. Steve is always so interested in the lives of his friends and the people with which he shares his. Steve has an incredible sense of humor. He is also a man of great passion. Steve loves to do a lot of things. We played video games, golf, frisbee golf, and basketball together. We went skiing, watched movies, talked politics, talked about our faith, and vacationed together. Steve could get involved in anything and everything. He has a “just try it” mentality about him that I really admire. Steve is also a man who speaks with a lot of wisdom and authority. When Steve had something to say, I typically wanted to listen because I knew it was coming from a place of knowledge and experience. I don’t think I ever told this to Steve, but some of my favorite times with him were when we would go sit at one of the local breweries, have a couple beers, and just talk about life. I respect his opinion and voice so much, so it was important to do that whenever I could. Steve is also deceptively good at pretty much everything he tries. We started playing basketball with a group of men in the area after work and Steve was usually one of the most consistent players that joined. I don’t think Steve ever played basketball competitively growing up, but he was annoyingly good. I hated playing against him because he would take these ridiculous turn-around fade away jump shots that had no business going in. Yet game after game, contested shot after contested shot, Steve found a way of making them. Everything about Steve’s character is beneficial to me. There’s a strong sense of give and take for us in our relationship. I hope Steve knows how valued he is by me. I look forward to having him, Josh, Mike, and Jason around when I return home.
- Josh – A common theme amongst my relationships with these men is all of the awesome things that they have imparted to me along the way. With Josh, I learned what it looks like to question the things around me in a healthy way. Josh has a really wise and brilliant mind about a lot of things. He and I could sit on my back porch and really dive deep into our faith, the world around us, and into our hopes and dreams for the future. Josh has a way of questioning things that doesn’t stem from a place of doubt, but rather from a place of hungering and thirsting for more understanding. As I have grown deeper in my faith and walk with the Lord, Josh has imparted a ton about how to do this in a healthy way. Josh is also just a really smart guy. He has these brilliant ideas for how to help impoverished families start saving for a better future down the line through education on how to invest. That’s a really cool part of his heart. My favorite Josh story is quite simple…our shared obsession over all things Lord of the Rings. We pretty much marathon all of the extended edition films at least once a year. We even vowed to watch all of the Hobbit films together along with the LOTR movies when I get back. There have been multiple times where I have wanted to sit down and watch them while on the race, but I always catch myself longing to instead do that with Josh. It’s just a really cool shared experience. It’s simple and it almost sounds kinda ridiculous, but it’s a connection that I value. We will sit together for a couple days, drink coffee, and watch these movies. It’s one of the days I look forward to the most upon returning home.
- Adam – I’ll start by saying this about Adam…I know him VERY well. I lived with Adam longer than any of the other guys. I will have to live under the same roof with my future wife for five years before I will have lived with her longer than Adam. Adam was actually a senior in my youth group the first year I started volunteering at my home church. He graduated from high school, served in Mississippi doing Katrina relief for six months and then came back and started volunteering at the church with me. That’s around the time we began to really establish a good friendship. Adam is a man of extreme compassion. He was consistently the leader in our youth group who would seek out and draw in the fringe students and those who didn’t seem to naturally fit in with the rest. Adam has a massive heart. He loves deeply and fiercely on behalf of his friends. When God refers to David as a man after his own heart, I often think of Adam. God follows that statement up with, “he will do everything I want him to do.” Adam is a man of obedience and exceptional discernment. One of the last things I did before leaving for the race was stand next to Adam on his wedding day as his best man. I don’t think I realized how big that honor was in the moment, but it’s one that I’ve thought a lot about since then and I am so thankful for having that opportunity. One of my absolute favorite stories about Adam actually comes from the many I have from leading alongside him. At our annual summer beach trip, he was sleeping in the same room as a group of guys who he had spent the better part of 5 years pursuing. He learned how to love them well and he made every effort to make sure they felt seen. I walked in one afternoon after coming in from a long morning and afternoon on the beach with some other kids and I saw him sitting up on the bed next to one of our students reading anime comics. Rather than enjoying the sun and clear blue ocean, Adam saw a need and he met it by paying for the need with his time and devotion to this student. I never told him how much I admired him for that, but man does he deserve some extra jewels on his crown for how well he loved.
- Jason – Jason is another of my longest standing friends. I met him through another friend in high school. Jason and I grew up in Harrisonburg together, though we didn’t become close friends until later in college. Like Adam, Jason grew up in my youth group, though I only really “led” him for about six months before he graduated high school. Jason is a high thinker on a lot of things. If Jason says something, you know that it has been thought through before it leaves his lips. I really hate that because it usually means if we disagree on something, he’s typically the one that’s right. Jason is a highly intelligent man who recognizes that even though God isn’t capable of being fully known or understood by us in this life, He still created us with minds that are capable of questioning, searching, and understanding. Jason and I have a million things in common, not the least of which is a shared appreciation for sports. Any time I get together with Jason, it only takes about five minutes before we’re knee deep in a discussion about the latest events. Friendship with Jason is easy, and I really love and appreciate that. Jason is also capable of eating more than any human-being I personally know. I never did become desensitized to seeing him pull out a whole loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter, and a jar of jelly, all the while knowing in my mind that he isn’t making just one sandwich. No. Jason would make a point of eating the entire loaf (slight hyperbole, but genuinely not much). He also has never made a single joke about eating fajita burritos at a local Mexican restaurant back home. It’s serious business. All things considered, Jason is one of those friends who I find myself most excited about sharing life with for the next 50 years, though based on some previous unhealthy habits, Jason claims I might only have a solid 20 left…
- Paul – It’ll be a miracle if Paul is able to stay awake through reading this paragraph. Remember Laura from up above? Paul is her husband. Paul grew up in my hometown and actually went to high school with my older brother before heading to USC for college. After moving back to Harrisonburg, Paul got involved in Young Life and started leading with Matt, which meant he was hanging out with the rest of us at the Toolbox a lot. Since then, I have had the honor of growing as close friends with Paul and even standing up with him at his wedding. Paul is a man of great joy. I honestly don’t think I can recall any time where I’ve seen Paul genuinely angry. Even in the midst of losing his mother several years ago, I saw a man standing confident and joyful because of his intimacy with the Father. Paul exemplifies what it means to be a man worth following. He has so much incredible insight and wisdom. Paul has taught me what it looks like to be content in the right areas, to yearn for more in places, and to find joy in simple moments. Paul also has a massive heart. He and Laura have adopted two kids in their marriage, patiently enduring a difficult road at times. That comes from a heart devoted to joy and gratitude. I have shared a TON of life with Paul over the years. I could tell a lot of stories, but I’ll actually tell you just a bit about how much his contentedness shows its face in his relationships. So when I said that it’d be a miracle if Paul stays awake through reading this whole post, I was only half-joking. Paul can sleep anywhere at anytime. He was notorious for posting up on a couch and passing out. He didn’t much care to be the center of conversation or anything, he was just happy to be in the company of friends. One night at the Toolbox, he fell asleep on Matt and PJ’s couch. After having seen him do this for months, they decided to not wake him up and instead cut out the lights and go to bed. Paul woke up six hours later confused and probably a bit annoyed. He drove home and ultimately didn’t learn anything from the experience. I say that because I can’t even tell you how many times Paul has come to my house, hung out for a bit, and then fallen asleep at 9:00 PM before waking up at 11:00 and realizing it was time to go home. We all love this about Paul. It’s probably another of those “you have to witness it to appreciate it” type of things, but we still find it hilarious. Paul will always be one of my very best friends because of how much he has imparted to me along the way and how many memories and experiences we’ve shared together.
- Mike – I never lived at the Toolbox with Mike and actually only lived with him for a brief period of time in the house that some of us moved into after the Toolbox. Yet Mike was always around completing the dynamic of our community. I think Mike was the glue to our community in a lot of ways. At least that’s how I viewed him. If we were all gathered for something and Mike was at work or out of town, you could tell there was a significant piece missing. Mike is an unassuming guy who I think walks out his life in a lot of humility. Mike doesn’t thrive off of being seen, heard, or needed. Rather, I think Mike is confident in the man that God has made him, knowing that who he is is enough. That being said, Mike is one of the funniest and most joyful of all these guys. When Mike laughs, you know he’s there. It’s a big laugh and it’s authentic. For as quiet and unassuming as Mike is, he’s also really fun too. Some of my favorite memories with Mike are from weddings. One thing you have to know about this community that I’m describing here is that we love weddings. I actually think we have been invited to weddings because of how much we dance and enhance the atmosphere once we are there. A big part of that starts with Mike. Mike knows how to have fun, let loose, and just be in the moment with his friends. Watching him at weddings is always a worthwhile experience. Mike is also the guy who you can count on to be excited to travel and go places with his friends. He’s one of the first guys I call to go visit PJ in New York, where we of course find a sweet Karaoke spot to sing and dance like fools for the evening. Mike slays karaoke unlike anyone (other than PJ when you put on a Bill Joel track). Mike has instilled within me a desire to never settle and to always seek out a new experience or adventure. Thankfully, Mike also just moved back to Harrisonburg, so that’ll be exciting to come back to.
- Jim – Jim is my oldest friend. Our parents grew up friends, which obviously means we were meant to be friends as well. We went to church, Christian school, and other social events together growing up. We didn’t spend a ton of time together toward the end of high school and early into college, but Jim and I became really close friends again courtesy of none other than the Toolbox. Jim would spend time off from school at UVA with us at the box. I think we all collectively looked forward to the weekends when Jim was home. I’m also 99% certain that he spent an entire summer living on our front porch and sleeping on Matt and PJ’s couch. Jim is a man who connects really well with people. I think Jim is the kind of guy who has always had a strong connection with the Lord and, as a result, finds it easy to connect with those around him. You’ll be waiting on him to finish a conversation with a random stranger he just met any time you take him with you. I love that about Jim. My favorite story involving Jim has nothing to do with that, though. Instead I want to go back to a party we were having at the Toolbox during the summer of 2009. Everyone was mingling throughout the house except for Jim. Jim was in the kitchen trying to heat up frozen corndogs because he got hungry. I don’t know exactly what his methods were, but he came out of the kitchen with a dozen corndogs in a cast-iron skillet. He started dancing his way through the crowd urging our guests to take a still-frozen corndog, which is why I question his cooking methods. I know this is one of those “you had to be there to appreciate it” kind of moments, but he and the rest of the guys will know and remember exactly why this was such a great Jim moment. I loved being around Jim because he never struggled to include those around him. I literally never left my time with Jim feeling worse about myself. Jim always left people around him better than when he found them.
- Brooks – One of these things is not like the other…and it’s Brooks. Brooks never lived with any of these people and probably wouldn’t have expected to be included here, but I have such a deep respect for Brooks that I couldn’t help but include him here. He actually would have fit in perfectly with this group had he been around it from the beginning. I met Brooks years ago through Young Life. We met, probably judged each other, and then moved on. I don’t think I thought about him more than a handful of times in the 6+ years after we met and before we became friends. The Lord thankfully had different plans and drew us together through a mission trip to South Africa almost two years ago. It took exactly five minutes before I felt a connection with Brooks. He and I are so similar and have so many of the same perspectives on life. I’ve shared a ton of life with Brooks over the past two years and it feels like I’ve known him just as long as the rest of these guys. He volunteered with my youth group, helped organize weekly basketball ministries with kids back home, and even helped support the youth program after I left. Brooks is one of the hardest to write about because we shared so many different experiences in such a short amount of time, so they’re all so fresh. One of my favorite parts of his character is his humor. We often laugh at the same thing at the same time…every time. While in South Africa, we wanted to talk but we also wanted to take a bath at the same time. To avoid any awkward situations, we hunted down some two-way radios and went to our separate bathrooms and talked about life over the radios. Feel free not to go there in your imagination. But also hear me when I say: separate bathrooms. And I love baths. Vulnerability session over. I realize how weird that sounds…trust me. But it was also one of those things where the more ridiculous it sounded, the more fun it was, which is a terrible rule to live by, so don’t do that. One of the things I learned quickly about Brooks is how much he desires the Lord. Brooks can recognize when things lack authenticity, and he doesn’t like that at all. He isn’t a man who settles for comfortable. As my friend group was marrying, having children, and moving away over the last two years, it was Brooks who became my closest friend. He helped walk me through a pretty rough time of life prior to the race. I bet he has no idea how much he meant to me as a friend during that time.
So there they are. I don’t think I’ve ever told them each individually how much I have loved and appreciated them. The stories and shared experiences will always be important to me. These are men who have affected change in my life in very big ways. I honestly don’t think I can adequately express my thankfulness for them and for our community that we shared together. It was the time in my life that I look back on most fondly.
I find myself regularly yearning for a return to those days. To the days playing Mario Kart 64 and Halo for hours. The “snowpocalypses.” The mega-breakfasts. The trips to Snowshoe. The canoe trips down the Shenandoah. The front porch hangs at the Toolbox. The bachelor parties and the weddings. The long nights sitting in Ernie’s room listening to him meander through conversation that most of us can’t track.
I long for a return to the days where life was simple. Where lazy corn hole on the back porch was a daily exercise. Where spending three hours devising a zombie apocalypse protocol was considered a worthwhile investment of time. Where ruining a dryer (Josh) was the highlight of conversation for weeks. Where I would listen to their stories of camping because I refused to sleep outside.
I have a deep desire to return to those days. And that leads me back to my original question: if we are designed for community, why do we leave it behind? Why don’t we cast roots deep into the ground where community already exists and thrive there in that space? That’s a question I’m going to explore more in part two of this blog, but for the sake of ending well, I will say this much…It’s not a bad thing to long for those days and that community. It was good. It was purposeful. It bore fruit. But in the process of questioning, the Lord revealed a truth that I don’t enjoy facing. We leave community behind because God has something better waiting on the horizon.
