I wish I could tell you all exactly when it was that I first began seeing God less as Father and more as a condemnation-thirsty judge. The truth is, I am not sure that I can recall a significant period of time in my life where my perspective on God was not skewed and perverted from truth in one way or another. Rather than seeing God the Father as creator, lover, pursuer, and provider, I have instead relegated Him to a box that I have created and labeled judge, jury, and executioner. While those characteristics are certainly true, they fail to provide the true picture of God the Father.
Unfortunately, my skewed vision has allowed the incorrect version of God the Father to spill over into the remainder of the Trinity. Rather than being my example, confidant, savior, and friend, Jesus became the unattainable. Because how can a legalistic sinner measure up to the standard of God incarnate? Rather than being the indwelling guide, comforter, helper, and means of sanctification, the Holy Spirit became the absent one. Because how can anyone feel the presence of someone if they do not know for whom they are seeking?
So God became the almighty, eager to condemn, distant, unattainable, unknowable, withholding, incognizant stranger sitting on His throne with a hovering gavel, waiting to strike and render a guilty verdict on my behalf.
While I do not know when that perspective laid its roots deep in my heart and mind, I do know where it came from. In John 10:10, Jesus says that “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.” Earlier in John 8:44, Jesus is defending His identity to a group of unbelieving Jews held in captivity by the enemy’s deceit. In this passage, Jesus says, “You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there was no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” It is the enemy who perverts our vision of God and gives us a false sense of His identity. This is not a vision of God I received from my parents or from any spiritual leader that has guided and directed me along in my crawl with the Lord. It comes completely from the one who seeks to rob us of joy.
With every moment of prideful arrogance, every utterance of gossip and slander, every lustful thought, and every other rebellion against God, I condemned myself and was left questioning whether or not the outstretched arms of Jesus was actually enough to cover me. Would it continue to cover my rebellion? As I kept stumbling back onto the wide path that leads to destruction or wandered in the woods between the wide and narrow path, the weight of feeling like Jesus’ sacrifice was not enough for me was laid to rest on my shoulders. Why would Jesus want a follower who insisted on making his own footprints rather than walking in the well-traveled prints already set forth?
Legalism has repeatedly robbed me of the joy of fellowship with God. It has abounded in my life without hindrance. It discredits God’s Word. It says that Jesus was not enough. It lays waste to grace. It is one of the enemy’s favorite weapons to use against God’s children. What better way to prevent us from being dangerous to the enemy than to make us think we have nothing to offer? Please do not misunderstand me here…there is a balance between legalism and what Dietrich Bonhoeffer calls cheap grace; a false perception of grace that yields no transformation. That balance is the point at which we recognize that God’s grace is sufficient and that it does not come from human effort so that no man can boast (Ephesians 2:9). It is also the point at which we realize that God’s grace compels us forward, out of stagnation, out of the darkness, into the light, into a life of submission, obedience, and adoration, culminating in intimate fellowship with the Lord.
The Race is beginning to break down some walls between me and the Lord. Our wonderful squad coach, Mary Ellen Powell, recently spoke to us at debrief about Jesus’ baptism. In Luke 3:22, after John the Baptist has baptized Jesus, God’s voice bellows from Heaven saying, “This is my Son, in whom I am well pleased.” Do you realize that God the Father thinks the exact same way about each and every one of you as well? The Father calls us HIS CHILDREN. His sons and daughters. Not his slaves, servants, and subjects. Rather, the Lord delights in calling us His Children, His very own possession, a people belonging to Him (paraphrased: 1 Peter 2:9). Not only that, but God is so good that He says that He is WELL PLEASED in Jesus. Mind you, Jesus has yet to begin His ministry as this point. He has yet to call His disciples, turn water into wine, heal the sick, blind, and lame. Yet the Father says He is well pleased. Do you believe that He makes the same claim over you and I, sinners unworthy of the free gift of grace? Before we are obedient. Before we go and make a single disciple. Before we even call on the name of the Lord, the Father is well pleased by us.
That is the picture of God that I want. That is the picture He wants for me as well. He is not excited to render a guilty verdict with a gavel that is eagerly hovering and waiting to strike. That is not who God is. There is so much more I could say here, so please do not hesitate to contact me and let me know what you are thinking as well. I am learning each day what it looks like to fully embrace and live into the free gift of grace that the Lord has set before me. The walls in my heart are coming down day by day, brick by brick. I want to lead, serve, and love not out of obligation, but of my own volition and the joy that comes from knowing a God that owed us nothing, yet afforded us everything.
