What do I do now that the honeymoon phase is over?
The things that used to be exciting and "World Racey" are now just normal, and sometimes are just plain annoying more than anything.
(Boys from "tent city")
Eating rice is straight up old.
Not being able to just jump in the car whenever I want and go wherever I want is inconvenient.
Wearing the same clothes all the time isn't fun.
Missing everyone back home and all of the major holidays and events that happen, that I don't get to be a part of makes me want to cry.
Blowing up my bed every night no longer feels like a campout, it just sucks.
Not eating "my" food, that actually tastes good is sometimes painful.
I don't want to take another cold shower, only to dry off with my REI quick dry towel that smells awful after 5 months.
These have been my thoughts the past week.
I have been America sick.
I have been my own bed, my own food, my people, my plans, my shower, my way sick.
I miss the comforts back home and life as I knew it.
Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.
(line to get food at the feedings)
I am complaining about eating rice BUT at least I have food(and lets be real…you know I taxied to Mc'donalds after).
I am complaining about missing my family BUT I am lucky enough to have a family that misses me back.
I am complaining about my top of the line REI sleeping pad BUT I have a bed that isn't a dirt floor.
I am complaining about cold showers BUT cold or not I have a shower(and a towel to dry off with after).
I am complaining about wearing the same clothes all the time BUT even on the race I have more clothes than the average person I am talking to and on top of that they are(almost) always clean.
I realized everything I was complaining about and how even when I am on the race living a lifestyle that is way more modest then what I am used to at home, that I still have SO much more than most of the people I am coming across in ministry everyday.
I have nothing to complain about.
I am so incredibly blessed.
I feel like I am living 2 completely different lives at the same time.
I go between extreme poverty and need and then I get in a car and drive back into my normal privileged life, then I get back in the car and drive back into heartbreaking situations and then get back in the car and go back to my house and I continue to do it all over again.
(Street up to the orphanage we are serving at)
(announcing the feedings to the community)
(Little guy at the feeding)
I am living half off my day in a first world country culture and half off my day in a third world country culture.
It is the hardest thing to go between the two daily.
How do I allow what I am seeing and experiencing to effect the way I live my life?
How do I keep from feeling guilty for the blessings that I do have?
Is it a balance? A life style change? Giving more?
I know that I have so much and I love the life that I have, but how does what I have seen change the way that I live my life?
What does that even look like?
Hopefully as I continue on this journey Jesus will show me more of what this looks like.
