The past two weeks it feels like I have had one HUGE crush on training camp. I find myself thinking about it ALL the time. Thinking of what it could look like and what it could hold. Buying things and getting myself ready for it. Praying for it.
It is hard to concentrate on what is happening in the present because every second my mind gets I some how end up daydreaming about training camp. There is a list about a mile long full of all of the reasons I am excited for training camp, but I think training camp brings me so much excitement because it is the beginning of the change that is about to take place in my life.
I am oh so ready for the change.
You know when you get a really cute new outfit and all you want to do is try it out and wear it for everyone to see? That is what is happening within me.
I have been challenged and had very eye opening experiences that have made me alter my view of how I want to live my life and I am so excited to try those new ways out. I am excited to ditch the materialism and live off of the bare necessities. I am excited to be around people who are crazy about Jesus. I want to live everyday to love and serve the people around me. I am excited for God to rock my world and open my eyes to things he wants to show me. I am excited to see people healed and saved. I am excited to have my worldview questioned and strengthened. I am excited to love God and love his people. I am excited to see what God has and what he does.
I have been continually reading and praying Ephesians 2:10 "For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." I am excited to see what it is that he planned for me and I am even more ecstatic to participate in it and be a part of it.
Change is exciting. It is the start of a new chapter to be written. It comes with a sense of a fresh start. It is the beginning of new adventures.
BUT today right in the middle of my daydreaming session the change became less exciting and a heck of a lot more fearful. I started to think of all of the things that are coming to an end as this chapter closes.
I became fearful of the drastic changes and unfamiliarity that is soon to come my way. Things like moving out of my apartment with people who have been in my life for every moment of the past 5 years. Permanently moving out of Southern California, which I have called home for 5 years. The realization that I will not see family and friends for 11 months. The fact that I won't be physically present for the holidays. The fear of if I will even like this thing called the World Race that I have been so excited for and so on and so on.
Suddenly all of the things I was so excited for were completely overshadowed by the fear of losing what I have now and the fear of the unknown. It made me want to freeze time and preserve how things are.
Fear has officially crept in BUT I am kicking it to the curb.
You know why? Fear does nothing but make me a crazy person. Philipians 4:6 tells us "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done." That is what I have been trying to do. Pray about what I am fearing and give that to God instead of dwelling and driving myself crazy.
Change is a good and natural thing. The things that I am excited for are all wonderful things that deserve excitement. Life as I know it is changing but it is not dying. It will look different, but different is not a bad thing.
I am thankful for where I have been BUT bring on the change because I am just as excited for where I am going!
A few of the many memories I have to be thankful for during this chapter of life.
Can't wait for the wonderful memories that are to come!
