I have a giant, 3-feet tall, paper mache lantern in my hand.
The diameter of the lantern probably stretched out to about a foot and a half.
I was lightly gripping the paper-covered metal rims of the bottom ring of the
lantern. I watched the wax ring in the center of the lantern slowly catch a
flame and push the rest of the lantern straight up in the air.
My butt was sticking out, and my back arched, as I made
unnecessary squeals and dog-like pants trying to convey my excitement through
some kind of audible expression. But alas, I could not find a sufficient way of
describing the true zeal that was bubbling over in the pit of my stomach as we did
something people only do in fairy tales-literally. Have you ever
seen Tangled?
The girls were on our own during the month of May; some of
us working in prostitute ministry, some doing physical labor, and my team,
working at a retreat center for local Asian pastors and ministers. We sent our
guys packing out to goat land where they had the distinct honor of shoveling
goat poop and harvesting tapioca fields all month.
The retreat center is in Phang Nga, Thailand, surrounded by
the most beautiful mountains, waterfalls, and occasional elephants on the side of
the road. It is called Eagles Rest Foundation, and they aim to provide rest and
refreshment for local Asian nationals working in the ministry who can’t afford
to take a vacation. Our team of girls was partnered with another team of
beautiful ladies, and with our forces combined, we were able to light that tiny town on
fire with the love of Christ.
I was able to help with the ministries networking and
marketing, while the rest of the girls did workshops for our contact’s four
children. We did everything from sewing, singing, culture days, art, crafts,
cooking, sports, and all imaginable in between. It was a packed month and very
much needed for my team coming off of China.
But what I want to chat with you about is the last night we
spent with our contacts. It’s a husband and wife team (Rommel and Janene Ala)
and they have a special tradition that they do with every team, and it was on
that very night that we got to participate in it.
It was a humid night, and we had just finished chowing down
some delicious BBQ chicken when our contact Rommel brought out eight life size
lanterns. They were huge and paper mache and legitimately just like any bride
would dream of for her farewell send-off.
As we each held onto our own personal lanterns, Rommel
explained to us the meaning of this ceremony is surrendering everything to God.
Every hope, desire, burden, and dream into the hands of the all-knowing Father.
So there I was, with my legs spread and body arched, watching the wax ring on
the bottom ring smoke up to the top ring and eventually gaining enough force
to lift the lantern way up into the dark, starry night. As I silently prayed
and got a neck cramp from looking up at my lantern, I let go of my dreams. I let
got of my desires to one day get married, to one day adopt, to one day
financially support a missionary, to one day travel to Italy, to one day
change the world. I surrendered my desires and gave them to Him.
I’ve gripped onto them for a long time, and my knuckles have grown white from
trying to orchestrate my own life and plans. And it was tough. Parts of me
still try to take back what I willfully gave to God, (like it wasn’t already
his in the first place) but I am walking in the confidence that it is
surrendered to Him, and I am excitedly awaiting the day when he gives it back
to me, in abundance. That’s what I’ve learned on this race. That his abundance is
better that mine. His homemade chocolate fudge cake is better that my burnt
chocolate-chip cookies. And that’s what I let go. I like cake much better than
cookies anyways.
