Last week some teammates and I talked about how this time last year we were in that awkward waiting period between training camp and launch . . . and now our World Race has come to an end.
It is a strange reality to wrap our minds around; India feels like forever ago but at the same time it feels like it was yesterday.
It is hard for me not to go through a constant wave of emotions thinking about everything these past 11 months included and how they impacted me. I laugh at the fun memories; feel anger for the hurt we saw; rejoice at the difference the Lord allowed us to make; cry happy and sad tears for the amazing friends I made and the fact that we will no longer be together constantly; feel peace for the growth I recognize in myself; feel exhausted for not stopping for more than a day in the last 11 months . . . everything that I am feeling within one minute alone is overwhelming but, oh so beautiful.
These past 11 months were the starting point to a life well lived. The World Race was a season I desperately needed but by no means will be my best year ever. God used all I experienced to break me and rebuild me into the person I lost throughout my journey to the Race. I am forever grateful for His call and even more grateful that my stubborn butt was obedient. I am excited to continue living a life for the Kingdom, partnered with God and not having to figure it all out on my own.
Each month I asked God for a word, a promise, or a lesson . . . something I could look back and know that is what I gained from that point on the Race. I call them my “11 Ah-Ha Moments”. I wanted to share them with you to let you into some of the Truths I learned over this messy, crazy, beautiful journey.
Month 1 – Ongole India – On the rooftop of our ministry site
- You’re my greatest creation.
- We were worshipping under the stars, the sky was so clear we could see the Milky Way and I just remember so clearly hearing God tell me even in all this beauty that I created around you, you, my beloved, are my greatest creation.
Month 2 – Pokhara, Nepal – Mountain side near ministry site
- You’re never alone, I pursue you daily.
- Nepal was a hard month for me for I was sick 90% of it and stayed back from ministry a lot. My birthday was coming up, I didn’t feel like the people around me understood me, and I was feeling lonely. I sat on the same mountain ledge every morning to pray and read my bible, I remember asking God to remind me know I am not alone. Immediately an eagle flew over head and I heard Him say, “I am always with you, I pursued you when you didn’t know me so why would I stop now that you do?”
Month 3 – Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam – Rooftop of hosts home
- I am more than you know.
- As we looked over the large city in a communist country, I just remember thinking how much bigger His heart is than I could ever possibly comprehend. Most of these people have never heard of Him or they deny Him, yet, He still loves them so deeply and individually.
Month 4 – Otres Beach, Cambodia – During our adventure weekend
- You are choosing to sit in the dark.
- A teammate of mine walked me through an inner healing exercise where God showed me that I chose to push things far into the back of my memory rather than confront and heal from them. He asked me to allow Him to slowly puncture holes of light into the darkness of my memory so He could lead me to the freedom He had for me.
Month 5 – Khon Kaen, Thailand – Men’s rehabilitation center
- Faith is giving me everything, everyday
- I’ve struggled with control for majority of my life. Many of my prayers God was responding with “give it to me” which made me physically cringe at the idea of giving up all control. On our last day ministering to the men at the rehab center we saw some men give their lives to Christ. This idea hit me hard: To live by true faith is trusting that He will do better than you can. That means handing over all your stuff everyday to Him willingly.
Month 6 – Tirana, Albania – Formidable coffee shop
- Trust in the goodness of my plan
- Giving up control is hard, so much so that I needed to learn that lesson more than once in different ways. One morning I remember getting so ahead of myself researching and making plans for after the Race that when I finally silenced my mind long enough to hear God, He said, “How do you know you’ll still want that in 5 months?” I almost cried. Once again He reminded me to trust Him and know His plan is good.
Month 7 – Athens, Greece – Floor of our air bnb
- You’re not capable of doing this alone.
- Remember when I said I needed to learn how to give up control? Yeah, we’re still working on that. I got to the point where I could willingly give God my future and my family but, I just wasn’t quite ready to give Him my relationships or my emotions. So there I was sleeping on my deflated mattress pad on the hard wood floor because the bed in our air bnb broke; I felt homesick for the first time, absolutely alone, broken and simply over the Race. Fighting back tears God so lovingly asked, “Are you done trying to do it on your own strength?”.
Month 8 – Dobromirka, Bulgaria – Hiking a mountain with my team
- Joy is a choice.
- Its cold, my body hurts, I’m emotional, I have so much I need to do … my mind was racing overwhelming me with unnecessary stress. There I was doing one of my favorite things with some of my favorite people and I had the worst attitude. In that moment, it was almost as if God was joking with me, I heard Him say, “You do know you could just choose to enjoy yourself, right?”. I couldn’t help but laugh because if one of my teammates would have said that exact same thing I would have given a snarky answer of how it’s not that easy. But, really it is. Joy is a choice, how you see your circumstance is a choice and I get to make that choice everyday.
Month 9 – Kadoma, Zimbabwe – Lasting Impressions property
- I am in everything that surrounds you.
- I have always connected to God through nature. Africa though, wow, took that feeling to the next level. I struggle often with being in awe of the creation over the Creator when I see what beautiful detail He put into His design. Our host is an environmentalist [and obviously a Christian], as he walked us around the property we paused often to look at the different plants and things. Never in my life had I heard someone be able to explain something so “science-y” relate to God more so than it did science. In that moment I realized He truly is in everything that surrounds us.
Month 10 – Manzini, Swaziland – Parent Vision Trip
- I keep all my promises.
- Back in Cambodia one of the areas of light God wanted to shed in my past was learning to forgive myself. He made a promise to me that I would rejoice in the revival about to take place within me. That moment came during the week our parents were here. We were asked to share a brief testimony of what God has done in our lives and I was convicted to share a personal part of my story with a room full of mostly strangers. As soon as I finished speaking I was filled with peace and knew He fulfilled that promise and He has every intention of fulfilling every other one He has made.
Month 11 – Durban, South Africa – LIV Ministries property
- Matthew 6:8 “Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him”
- A huge part of what fills me is being around horses. There is a lot of emotions that comes with this year coming to a close and I didn’t really know, at first, how to begin processing them. God blessed me incredibly by placing me at a ministry where I could interact and ride horses everyday to connect with Him in a special way. It never fails to amaze me that He truly knows us better than we know ourselves.
What a year! I am so grateful for everything I had the opportunity to experience, the memories I am taking away, the people I met, the hard things I overcame, and for a Father in Heaven who is loving, persistent, and oh so patient! Thank you for being a part of this journey with me, I couldn’t of done it without you! If you are subscribed to my blog you will receive a newsletter that gives ministry overviews, favorite adventure days, pictures from the year, funny memories, whats next for me after the Race, and some questions to ask me about this year. If you are not subscribed and would like to receive the newsletter please give me your email and I will send it your way!
