In the past 11 months I’ve been to 15 countries on 3 continents. I have seen, done, and felt things I can never explain with words. I have experienced God. Not just learned more about this God I serve, but lived and moved and found my being in Him. Living amongst His people from many tribes and tongues in the vastness of His creation.
I have heard His voice in the dark of night. Felt His hands in mine. Been brought to my knees overwhelmed by the weight of His glory. I’ve fallen in love even more deeply with my Savior Jesus.
The memories made along the way are ones I want to hold on to forever…
Scarfing down heaps of spicy curry with my hands in India.
Worshipping with local believers in a secret upper prayer room.
Tasting fresh, hot pink dragonfruit for the first time.
Listening, mouth agape, to the story of a woman who defeated death in Vietnam.
Spending the night in a treehouse in Cambodia and waking up to 30 pairs of villagers eyes on me.
Teaching English classes in front of hundreds of little uniformed kids in Thailand.
Sharing my story with a room full of men in a rehab.
Jumping off of a waterfall.
Having crepes and espresso in Europe.
Playing with gypsy children from a Roma village in Bulgaria.
Getting swarmed by preschoolers in Africa.
Standing in the crisp, clean mountain air of Kosovo as a flock of sheep graze on a nearby hill.
Snuggling around the woodburning fire in a log cabin with my team.
Gut wrenching laughter. Moments in God’s presence where my soul feels so free I think it might fly away. Moments so sweet I wish they could be bottled up and sealed away forever…these are the vibrant colors that splash the canvas of life leaving you breathless and face to face with the magnificent God of variety.
Along the way I was stripped of every comfort blanket with no where to run and escape. That’s what it took for me to see that God alone is my safe place. God IS my comfort zone.
I was broken down by doubt, fear, and shame as the gunk of my sinful nature came to the surface, only to be rebuilt on the solid foundations of faith, love, and acceptance found in Christ. I’ve seen the brokenness of humanity and I’ve seen the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
But nothing worth having in this big oxymoron known as life comes without a price. It’s safe to say the race has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
The non-sugar coated version of the story is riddled with suffering and pain. I held children who were filthy and abused, clothes and hearts tattered. Visited slums so impoverished the timing of the next meal meant life or death. Lived in homes so dirty frat boys would blush.
Cried myself to sleep multiple nights in a row agonizing over an orphan whose sweet face was burned into my mind. Battled with my body being infested with parasites and been so weak I could barely lift my head off of the floor. Endured 70 hour travel days from one hot sleepless bus to another only to arrive at another unfamiliar, uncomfortable destination.
Been forced to eat heaping plates full to honor cultures and gone without food. Prayed for a dying man who had spent his life worshipping hindu gods, body reduced to skin and bones. Seen the hollow deperate looks in the eyes of prostitutes working brothels in the red-light districts of Nepal.
Lived across the street from a monestary in Thailand and watched the monks in their orange robes day after day walking around the four walls of a silent prison. Seen idol worship that has made my head reel. Been in pagodas and temples where I have felt the palpable presence of evil. Shared 1 bathroom with 27 people. (If you know me that’s hard).
Almost daily I was stretched far past max capacity mentally, physically, and spiritually. At times, I’ve wanted to give up. I’ve been angry. Frustrated. Terrified.
And do you want to know what? In the end I am thankful for every. single. second of it. Because it was only THROUGH these blessed trials that I further saw my Father’s heart and experienced His grace through which my faith was able to grow. THROUGH these trials I came to appreciate both the thrilling and mundane sides of life. THROUGH these trials I saw that the power of darkness doesn’t even compare to Almighty God’s power. And THROUGH these trials I got to come to a fuller realization of my glaring need for His strength and the help of others; that God’s sovereignty and love is enough.
And for all of the struggle and darkness there was infinitely more of God’s light and goodness! It shone in the brave souls in Vietnam risking their lives to share the gospel. In the joy of the residents of the special needs home as they danced without concern for what people thought of them.
It burned like a fire through the villages of Nepal as people eagerly gathered in the streets to proclaim God’s glory. It was the hope that broke forth in the woman at the dance bar as she was told of her true worth. In the smile of an orphan being held and tenderly loved. In the radiant joy amongst people with so few material possessions.
In the hearts and minds of those hearing the name of Jesus and the good news of the gospel for the first time. In countless churches and communities on fire for God and willing to sacrifice anything for Him. It flickered in my own heart reminding me to whom I belong during the dark nights when my own thoughts threatened to consume me.
It manifested itself through 50 young people living in community courageously bearing their souls to eachother in vulnerability and becoming a family. It was the sound that sent goosebumps down my spine; what I imagine heaven will sound like with people of many languages worshipping together.
God showed up and showed His kindness by healing people, speaking His loving words to them, showering His gifts, and using us cracked vessels to bring many lost souls home to Himself.
“the light shines in the dark and the dark will not overcome it”…
The biggest thing I learned is when its all said and done there’s really only one thing in this life that matters and it’s loving God and from that outflow loving others. It sounds cliche but it’s true! We came into this world with nothing and we will leave the same way.
Throughout the race I kept being reminded that this life is not about me or my comfort. Never was. Never will be. It’s all about Him. The maker and sustainer of it all. And His goodness far surpasses anything else this world has to offer.
God is so faithful and has not only carried me through the race but has also given me direction for what’s next through prayer and words of confirmation from others. It is bittersweet seeing the race come to an end but I’m excited for this new season ahead.
I will be forever grateful for this incredible life-altering journey. Thank you again times a million to everyone who has been a part of it I could not have done it without you and of course without God. All my love…
See you soon, America.
