I guess you could call this training camp continued. In an effort to attempt to get some emotions and thoughts out to help me process them. Also to share some amazing stories of how God showed up in some crazy ways.
At camp we would have 3 sessions a day that were awesome messages about some very important topics. We talked about Identity, relationships, forgiveness, pain and emotion, the holy spirit, shame vs guilt, sex, sanctification soul ties and codependency, healthy communication, electronics blogs and more, healing, and even about life between training camp and launch. We even had a few breakout sessions that we could choose what sounded good and get training on specific topics. I was looking over my notes tonight from the sessions, it was super encouraging to read since I haven’t spent too much time with God since I’ve been back home. After reading all of my notes, I realized how my relationship with God has changed and how I have changed as a whole. I jumped right back into my fake reality here at home and haven’t taken the time to merge the true me that came out during training camp with the other version of me that is stuck in my old ways. I truly hope that I can figure out how to do that before launch so that I can be my true self while on the field, be the person that God created me to be.
Now I would like to share a few stories with you, the first one is about the holy spirit and how it appeared in a what I think was a bizarre way, and the second about how I cried out to God and he showed me the right path and the last one is how I realized I can really make an impact on my travels over the next year.
*please note the squad mates I will be mentioning in my stories will be nameless because it pertains personal information that is not for me to share but for them, and also because its personal to me.
1. One night the message being taught was about the Holy Spirit. Two things happened to my heart that night. First, they had all the men stand up and look at all the women in the room and made them tell us all at once in unison how ladies deserve to be treated like ladies. I INSTANTLY cried, because I have been in ‘relationships’ with men and honestly have not felt treated like a bride of God. So I just cried because that melted my heart and for the first time I actually felt that to be true and that’s Gods truth for all women, and it gave me confidence. Then later on that evening we were practicing listening to the Holy Spirit for the person we had partnered with. I was with a squad mate and I closed my eyes and said “God whatever you have for her let me know, is there something I can pray for her about? Something you want me to tell her? I’m all ears.” I sat and waited awhile and then kept getting this image of an apple, I tried to shake it off and just assumed I was hungry or something but it kept coming back, so then I forced it out and tried to clear my mind again. Then I saw the image of a snake going up a metal stake and realized it was the medical symbol, and that’s why the apple kept appearing, it was health related. So I asked her if there was anything health related or if she was sick. She said she had just started getting really sick that day so I prayed over her. I honestly thought it was a shot in the dark. Then it came to me, what did the holy spirit say to her about me. She said she wasn’t sure if it was anything or not but then asked me if I had been praying to God about being fully funded before launch. I was SHOCKED! I had only recently been working on praying boldly and that was my bold pray that I had only shared with a few people at home and no one at camp. She also said she didn’t hear any confirmation to whether that was going to happen or not but honestly it didn’t matter, knowing she heard that means that God has been hearing my prayers and that I’m not just hopefully praying into to the void.
2. Many of the nights at camp we had Field Training, which if you are a future racer reading this I will try not to give too much away because you need to practice being unprepared in situations TRUST ME! One of our nights we had to take shifts from 11pm to 6am and go down to the dining tent and worship God and pray for the trip and the countries we were going to. I wanted to take that time to have a real conversation with God about something burdening my heart. At 1:30 two of my squad mates and I went down to the tent for our shift, we had to be down there until 2am when the next group came (someone had to be in the area at all times, so we took 30 minute shifts). When we got down there I was tired and it was cold so I just took myself and my blanket with me. We sat down and I forgot my bible and everything I wanted to bring, so I figured I would just start praying and having a conversation. I had been struggling with a squad mate and I could not for the life of me figure out why, to this day I still don’t know why. I was talking to God and trying to figure this out, God why am I annoyed with this person? Why am I being mean and rude to them? Why am I not loving on them like you love them? They are being nothing but kind to me and loving me and being Christ-like all week, so why am I getting upset with them for no reason? Then I borrowed my squad mates bible that she had brought with her, and just started flipping through the pages, back and fourth…until I found something.
Matthew 12:25-26 “25 Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them, “Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand. 26 If Satan drives out Satan, he is divided against himself. How then can his kingdom stand?”
I realized that by not even trying or taking the time to love this person like Christ loves us, that I am intentionally hurting the Kingdom of God. I was letting my own stupid unnecessary feelings get in the way of getting to know this person and seeing in them what God sees in them and created them to be. My squad mate had me repeat it to them because apparently she had been praying the same prayer and she too has been struggling with some of our squad mates. So I thought God was just trying to point something to me, but in fact was also for the person sitting right across from me.
3. Last one will be quick, but I want to share how I realized I can make an impact while on the field. I was having a deep sharing conversation with some of the girls on my squad, and I had shared very deep and personal stuff with them that I have shared before, one however was very new. I had only shared it with AIM on my application and with a friend that I trust with anything that I knew could help mentor me. It was a deep dark secret that I have kept for a lifetime and I had recently brought it out of the darkness and into the light and it was so amazing feeling free. I no longer had secrets in my life and I had been freed from any hold satan had on me. During sharing I thought it would be a good idea to share with these girls my secret, usually when you are about to share something that god wants you to share you get this heart racing about to pop out of your chest feeling. But this time I didn’t have that, I had a lower gut I should prolly share this feeling and I wasn’t scared or nervous but I felt at peace. It was good sharing it with these girls. One of the girls walked back with me to our tents and she had told me how glad she was that I was able to share something that deep and personal with them and it gave her the convidence to share with me that she struggles with the same issue. In that moment, I realized how God used me. He gave me the peace to share with others my struggles and secrets and that led to a domino effect of others feeling confident enough to share with someone their secret and now the feeling of being set free from that burden, the shame and all those dark feeling that satan trys to put on us and make us feel unworthy, it all disappears once we bring it all into the light, God’s light. I realized that the big deal of sharing God made it feel small and from that had a greater impact, he had me realize that he can use every part of me and my story to help anyone, even when I think I’m alone in parts of my story and that no one would understand or be able to relate, he places me in their lives and them in mine.
okay so that last one wasn’t that short, Sorry!
But now that I have shared all of this I feel like I have processed camp and my feeling a lot better now. I have a huge journey ahead of me but I’m learning that with God it is about to be the greatest jouney not just for the peoples lives I will be impacting but the journey is for me too. God is about to change my world, my views and the way I see things, but he is also going to change my relationship with him, it is going to grow so much and I cannot wait.
X
