“Please, I don’t want to go.”
“I don’t need you to go on the World Race. I don’t need you to say “yes” to this adventure. I don’t even need you to serve me. I want you to, Jen, because I love you.”
These were the gentle words my Father whispered to my heart as I stood before him miserably struggling and complaining about what he had asked of me.
Flash back 6 months to summer…
The air was warm, the sky was blue, and God was sparking something in my heart that would soon engulf my whole life. I had noticed that many people around me seemed to buzz with some promise or goal they were moved by. God’s vision and power was stirring my friends and family to pursue changes in our church, to aid families struggling with cancer, to go for the new job, to venture off to college, and then there was me. I felt directionless. My prayer became, “Lord, raise in me a holy passion.” I immediately noticed a change in my being; God was building up my heart for missions.
I had witnessed the power of God’s love in the redemption of my three adopted siblings. I had experienced it in my own heart as he destroyed the bitterness I harbored towards my parents divorce. I had allowed his love to renew my whole being from the destruction and side effects of a negative relationship. His love wrecked my sibling’s abandonment and abuse, my animosity towards my parents and the chains of depression and anxiety that weighed me down.
I saw that the messiness of life is a vessel for his unending perfect love.
My eyes were opened. Suddenly, the pain and needs in other’s lives became so evident. There are children being neglected and abused in homes all around me. Countless families suffer financially, physically, emotionally, and spiritually and as a result, break apart. People are abusing drugs and alcohol to cope with emotional and circumstantial burdens. Young girls are finding their identities in unhealthy relationships simply because they desire to be loved. The list goes on…but it doesn’t have to.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” // 2 Corinthians 12:9
These words transformed how I saw the world. There’s grace for the girl who sells her body to slavery. There’s grace for the man who beats his wife out of anger. There’s grace for the kid that cheats on his final so he’ll pass the class. There’s grace for my messy prideful soul every time I try to serve God and receive the glory. There’s grace for every broken piece of our lives.
But then came God’s plan for my future, and I forgot about grace.
When he began to speak the World Race into my heart I was confused, upset, angry even. I was muddled by the illusion that this calling was just about service, and I knew I could do that at home. I didn’t want to give up my comfort. I thoroughly enjoy having my family and friends as close company in our quaint little community. Leave and go to 3 countries for 9 months without my family, sleep outside, eat weird food, and live with nearly 40 strangers in close proximity? No way dude, not happening.
I cried. I complained. I stomped my feet and balled my hands in fists. I gave the, “Okay fine I’ll go and serve you if you really want” speech with the worst attitude ever. And then God’s voice caressed my soul.
“I don’t need you to go on the World Race. I don’t need you to say “yes” to this adventure. I don’t even need you to serve me. I want you to, Jen, because I love you.”
And there I was again, being washed over with grace like an ocean, humbly stepping into this love.
I’m not saying “yes” because God needs me to do this. I’m not saying “yes” because I think I’m equipped. I’m not saying “yes” to be the good person. And I’m definitley not saying “yes” because I think this will be easy. I’m saying “yes” because it’s what my Father wants for me. He desires this for my life. He loves me fiercely, he has shown me grace and has offered me his goodness.
“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” // 1 John 1:3
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” // Jeremiah 29:11
This adventure will be a huge opportunity to breathe out a life of love, to see the beauty in the mundane, and become a sojourner in new places. I’ll look into the eyes of the broken and be in awe of God’s face. Grace will change lives. His glory will be all around me with new landscapes, and wonders of the world. My squad and I will enter into his presence with more intimacy than ever before. His goodness will swarm through the humility of his children in the humblest of places. His peace will take on a whole new meaning as I exit my comfort zone. His kingdom will come to earth with spontaneity, power and love. Captives, orphans, the hungry, and more will speak the name of Jesus for the first time.
And…
I will never be the same. Why? Because, I’m going on an adventure with my Father. What adventure will you say “yes” to?
“I am looking for someone to share in an adventure that I am arranging, and it’s very difficult to find anyone.” // Gandalf from the Hobbit
