Happy 5th Birthday
Micah!
I'm feeling sad that I am not with you, but I'm grateful we celebrated before I left. I love you, my medium sized buddy!
My friend and I used to laugh about putting on what we called "horse and pony shows" for people and how we hated it. Have you ever put on a show for someone? Did you have your words all planned for what you might say? Did you dress up yourself or your home to give a best impression?
When he asked, "How are you?" You said, "I am well." Because that is the hospitable answer.
In all honesty, maybe there are things that are not so well.
I'd like you to know that I don't want a pretty faith. I don't want to dress it up to look perfect. I don't want a "horse and pony show faith" just so I can impress you with my knowledge of scripture or how long I've been a Christian. I don't want my faith to impress you with how much "good" stuff I've done.
I'd much rather have something real, authentic and not all put together in such a pretty package with all of the answers.
Some days my faith gets dirty. Some days I screw up – actually all days. Most of the time I'm pretty selfish. There's so much that I can't explain about the Bible. There's even more that confuses me and I question about my faith.
I'm glad for it. I'm glad to know that my God wants my questions. He lets me experience His presence even in my confusion.
But the best part is that I'm letting God move in my heart regardless of my mind. I'll never be able to outsmart God. I'm good with that. But He has moved all of me and my dirty heart.
You may think you've seen it all, studied it all, and know it all and you put on a pretty face. I know Ihave and still tend to do. I dress myself up so you can see the best part of me. Truth is that I've got some dirt. I recognize that I am not smarter than God and that I will never have all the answers. I'm ok with that. I'll keep pressing in to know Him more.
I'm so glad that as I try to wrap my mind around the things of God that I let Him wrap His arms around my heart. That's when it all makes perfect sense.
In China, life is getting dirty, literally. Living out of a backpack and according to many other people's schedules feels messy sometimes. I have avoided taking showers except for after the squatty potty on the train because I smelled like pee. I'm pretty sure I peed on myself. I have been wearing the same pants and sweater for the past four days. Living with limited resources is quite doable, but I've noticed I have missed some things already. I've also been missing my alone time. I'm used to doing whatever I want to do whenever I want to do and how I want to get it done.
I'm making adjustments to the way I think and relate. I am learning I have to adjust as to better learn how to love the people I live with. And it's messy for me sometimes.
Just like my faith.
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe He exists and rewards those who earnestly seek Him. Hebrews 11:6
Struggling to post pictures here in China. Sorry:(
