This weekend in Midland was in a fog, literally. The scene was a back drop of a gray white with only black outlines of trees in the foreground. I read in my devotional from November 16th that the fog is a protection for me in Sarah Young's book, Jesus Calling. Sometimes to see the road ahead winding and all the things in the way of that path can cause our focus to be taken off of Christ and set on things ahead.
I need some fog to settle in my life.
I overheard my family discussing my trip next year and how they wouldn’t be able to let me know if anything happens to them and they wouldn’t know if anything happens to me.
I chimed in, "You’re the ones who live dangerously. I will be doing nothing of consequence.” I was mostly teasing. It doesn’t matter what country you’re in. Going out your door is a dangerous business.
Honestly, I’m afraid to walk away from my family. Will my dad be ok? His health is failing. Can my mom take care of him while taking care of herself? Will all my sister and brother-in-law’s needs be met?
If I let the fog settle in my heart, I'd ask God instead, do You truly love my dad? Will You help my mom and give her strength? Do You really provide, and will You for my sister’s family? And I would know the answers to these questions right away.
I need the fog to settle in my mind, my heart.
My little four year old nephew climbed up on my lap to watch a movie with me. He told me how he loves me. When I come back in two years, will he be too old to want to cuddle up with his aunt? Am I giving up a whole year of that?
Oh Lord, how I need the fog to settle in my emotions.
What if I can’t speak? What if I panic and the words don’t come when I know I’m supposed to speak? What if I choose to ignore the opportunities to share the gospel because I’m afraid? What if I get sick? Who will take care of me? What if I find loneliness is greater there than I expected? Who will fill that void? What if I’m making the most foolish financial decision I’ve ever made? What if people don’t believe in what I’m doing and don’t support me in prayer or financially?
And then the gift comes. I wake up on my birthday, the 16th and the fog has settled. It is His sweet protection on my heart which is but dust.
Lord, I need the fog to come and settle in my heart so all I can see are the next few steps. Then I can focus on just You. And then You’ll remind me, “You know I care so much for even the sparrows, how much more I do I love your family? Am I not your healer, provider, your shelter from the storm, your shepherd, your comforter, your Abba Father?"
He knows I am but dust.
Some days I'm a strong woman of faith. Others, I'm found in a pool of my own desparing tears. Right now the fog has settled so I can better be in His presence. It is a sweet gift of compassion on my heart. It will lift again when I let God take my fear and replace it with trust.
As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust. Psalm 103:13-14
