For those of you who know me well (or at all really), you know that being organized isn’t one of my strongest attributes. Honestly, it’s just about all I can do to find my work clothes and keys and make it out the door in the morning most days. 3 out of 5 days a week I usually take a leap of faith and walk out of my apartment shoeless in hopes that I’ll have a pair waiting for me in my car. This has left me walking into work in flip flops or with moccasin boots on from time to time. If you are ever in the parking garage at Georgia Aquarium at about 8:28am, you will probably catch a glimpse of me running down the ramp trying to make it to the time clock by 8:30. Needless to say, planner and organizer are not words I would use to describe myself.
So, in an effort to make my transition into the World Race a little easier I’m trying to start preparing NOW. Today, I decided to really start tackling my “stuff”. I’ve lived in this little studio apartment for the past 3 years and am absolutely amazed at the amount of things I have accumulated. I spent most of this afternoon sorting thru papers, pictures, clothes, boxes, and all kinds of things I forgot I even had. It was kind of making my head spin! Where to begin????? Luke 18:22 …“sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. THEN COME, FOLLOW ME”. Great. But way easier said than done. Some things are easy to toss into a garbage bag, or into the “donate” pile. Things I haven’t worn in a year or used in ages. But then I came to some sentimental things. Books, and papers, and old projects I’d worked on. I found so many things from when I was just beginning my career as an animal trainer. The “Starting Your Career as a Marine Mammal Trainer” book was tucked away on my shelf. I found my old internship folders and my “marine mammal handler” certificate I got from MOTE back in 2006. Am I ever going to need these things again? I don’t know, but probably not. These things are linked to memories and experiences that have brought me to where I’m at now. They represent a season in my life that I will always treasure. I came across some expensive shoes and purses. Do I need them? Nope! Is it easy to get rid of them? Nope! My coffee table that I love, my surfboards….things, things, things, things! All of this got me thinking….sell everything you have and then come follow me…. Luke 9:23 “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it but whoever loses their life for me will save it”. What does this mean??? “Deny themselves”. Is it just getting rid of these things or is it something more?
I’m learning that getting rid of my “stuff” is another way of God cleaning out my “junk”. These tangible things are way easier to let go of and “deny” than some of the emotional and spiritual things I hang on too. I cling to my family, my friendships, my control, my comfort, my “me time”. What would it look like to deny these things as well? To let go of them and fully trust God with them?
While I was working this afternoon I was listening to Christine Caine’s talk from the Passion 2014 conference. She said “the degree to which you are willing to go into the dark room, to allow the image of Christ to be forged in you, is the degree to which you will fulfill the calling and the purpose He has for you.” Jesus and I have been in the dark room together quite a bit lately. The image he’s forging into me? I think I’m starting to see the picture. It’s a picture of a life where He is enough. He’s enough to meet my physical needs as well as all of my emotional needs. The needs of my soul. All of my desires. He is ENOUGH. I can trust Him.
I’m walking into a HUGE unknown, but He’s there. In Isaiah 43 God says “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” It’s time to drop off the old and step into the new thing that God is doing. But this is a process.
In Christine’s talk she spoke about King David and the time between his anointing and his appointing. The 20 years from the time that the Spirit of Lord was poured out on him to when he became King. What was he doing? He was in that dark room with God working out his “junk”. God was working out in David what he was going to need in his appointment.
So where am I in this room tonight? I’m trying to work out that it’s ok for me to be uncomfortable, and that I will be fine without having hours or even whole days all to myself to do what I want. I’m working on letting go of all the material things that I’ve stored up over the last several years because my eyes are seeing where true joy and contentment flow from. I’m in the deepest part of the room with my fists clenched in front of God learning to trust Him with my family. Learning to open my hands and heart FULLY to Him. And I will stay here and wrestle with the Holy Spirit until I’m able to let it all go. My prayer is that the image of Christ is so clearly imprinted on me that I would be able to drop everything and everyone at His feet and step completely into His will believing that He is EXACTLY who He says He is.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5,6
