I feel discouraged.
As we stepped into debrief as a squad in Nairobi, Kenya I was excited to see the rest of the squad. An anticipation to reunited with my new friends who have completely changed the way I think and act. A godly group of Christians who are radically changing the world. As we ended our first gathering as a squad we began to lift different request to our Heavenly Father. At the end of our prayer for our sick squadmate, Amy Colley, Brittany Baker asked whoever on the squad who needed prayer for healing to come forth. A few came forward and we began to pray as a squad.
Immediately I was hit with a force that is quite indescribable. This force was doubt, not of myself but I feel like God revealed to me the doubt that was enveloping the room. A haze that was overshadowing our squad. I just broke down in tears. I was overwhelmed and could not contain any of my emotions. As prayer ended, the haze did not lift… It was still heavy on my heart. I felt drained spiritually and emotionally from the entire experience. There was a spiritual battle in that room in which God had opened my eyes.
As I shared my experience and feelings with Sammie Jo, she said that I needed to share it with the squad. I wasn't quite convinced that I wanted to share what happened or what I felt. I honestly didn't know exactly how to share, but the next night as Lindsay Q. was sharing a word that God had put on her heart, I knew that I needed to share. As I tried to interpret what I felt like God had shown me, others came along with challenging words. As Alys spoke, something clicked in Brittany's mind and she scooted herself into the middle of the room and asked for prayer for her eyes. She felt like God had shown her that her eyes were going to be healed at debrief and while she wasn't sure if that meant so she should see into the spiritual realm or see without glasses/contacts or both. Either way, she was ready to see the Holy Spirit sweep into the room and heal her.
And did He ever.
The Spirit swept into the room like a hurricane and my heart was racing with excitement. As people came out to pray for Brittany and Alys' eyes to be healed, I stayed at the back of the room. Hesitant to run forward because I know with all my heart that there are people on my squad with a divine calling to healing ministry. I know God has put healing on my heart, and I want others to see the power the Holy Spirit gives them. I stayed at the back of the room and began to bind up the doubt and fear in the room. A force that was still at the forefront of my mind, but something that doesn't have any control over our mind as Christians. I began to ask God to put a hedge of protection around our squad at that time. As I was praying, God revealed to me again the doubt that was in the room so I shared out loud what I was doing in the room as I prayed to bind and loose thing on Earth. A prayer from Matthew 18:18 that displays the anointing power that is displayed through the Holy Spirit, given by Jesus dying on the cross, from the Father who reigns in Heaven.
In that night, my foot was healed from pain that I had. Jo Linda's foot was also healed. Mark received release from a burden that he had been carrying. Jill began to speak in tongues through Hosanna challenging her to speak out. Katie H. prayed for Jo Linda and I for the healing and through her healing was granted. Faith was stretched and God's supernatural glory pierced into the natural.
The reason I am discouraged is because through each of these testimonies, I heard the negative aspects of the night first.
As Christians we cannot focus on the negative aspects in our walk with Christ. We have to always be looking forward. When the Spirit is moving, its easy to get caught up on something you don't believe and miss out on what the Spirit is actually trying to show you. You cannot let the devil get that stronghold in your mind.
I cannot let the devil have that stronghold in my mind. As I wrote out each of the amazing miracle above, I was thinking maybe I should just end the blog. I was encouraged by what happened and overwhelmed that God chose us to display his glory, but I also knew that there was so much more on my heart.
I don't know why people are not healed. I don't know. But that doesn't stop me from praying. It cannot stop me from praying.
"One of the more common things people tell me when I’m about to pray for their healing is, I know God can do it. So does the devil. At best that is hope…not faith. Faith knows He will." (Bill Johnson – When Heaven Invades Earth)
This book is one that is wrecking my world, it's changing the way I view my walk. The amazing part about it is that, its doing it all through scripture. Powerful scripture. He breaks down the Lord's prayer and it literally blows my mind. It says in Matthew 6, "Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven." It just makes me believe that God's will for earth is as it is in Heaven. Perfect. I cannot believe that my God wants any less for me. Another quote from this book is, "If I believe God allows sickness in order to build character I'll not have confidence praying in most situations where healing is needed." Our God is good! Really good!
Faith is challenging. People walking in bold faith challenge you, they don't let you stay stagnant or adrift in your own ways. I cannot stay stagnant. As I read miracles from other World Racers, I want to see that from our God. What I have really been challenged with lately is learning to love better. That has been my prayer in these past couple days, and is a side topic that I might go into on another blog.
Jesus wasn't easy when He challenged his disciples, and I am struggling with the voices that are trying to keep me from challenging my brothers and sisters. It's discouraging sometimes.
Scripture from Jesus focusing on doubt and its not just a couple times in scripture. It is scattered throughout scripture. Our center is Christ but we shouldn't be afraid to point out doubt.
And He said to them, "Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you. (Matthew 17:20 NASB)
Change your thinking as I am changing mine.
Jo Linda challenged me to change my focus. As I called people from the doubt she told me that I kept the focus on doubt instead of calling people up into faith. Man, so good! I know these types of situations will happen again and we constantly have to accept constructive feedback on how we can engage the Spirit in new ways. To bring the focus to Christ, she was right. I had called out the doubt, but I failed to encourage in faith.
Focus on the positive. Expect the positive from Christ. Better than expect, know. You have to know, you cannot just hope. My challenge to each of you is to look at the positive first, maybe only. Take that to God.
Hosanna said to me that, "It's easier to become a critic than a builder."
Be a builder.
