Last Thursday, a group of us went to the maximum security prison in Chimaltenango to minister to the prisoners that are kept there. We were not allowed to bring cameras to or into the prison, so pictures in this blog will be limited, but you can trust that the message will be straight from my heart.
Let me start out by giving you a vision for the prison. The policy in Guatemala is, "Guilty until proven innocent." So many of the people here are just working to prove themselves innocent while others are truly guilty. There were 290 men and 11 women in the prison, and the outside of the "maximum" security prison was anything but maximum. There was a 10 foot high chain link fence with a lock on the outside and two guards posted on a hill above. We entered into a prison that was dark and dirty. We gave the guards our passports, signed ourselves in, were hardly searched and then released into the heart of the prison. As we came into the courtyard of the prison, everyone stopped and looked at us. A small amount of fear came into my heart and I started to pause but kept going through. We walked up the side of the courtyard which was more like a basketball court and walked up some stone stairs on the side to another level. At the top of the stairs we entered a dark, hot, and full room. A full room of Guatemalan prisoners who were all holding Bibles and listening to a pastor preach in Spanish. We walked into the room and the members of the Church of the Captives stared back at us. It was a mind-blowing feeling to be in a maximum security prison in Guatemala, and attending a church service with about fifty men. The men quickly gave up their seats for all of us as Maureen went to the front to introduce us.
What happened was overwhelming.
Maureen asked everyone to pray.
This might seem like a simple request, but there was more there than idle words and prayers.
The Spirit of God entered the room.
The group of fifty men began to cry out to "Abba, Father." In their own language, to the same God that I was praying to. To the God of love, healing, forgiveness, grace, peace, joy, gentleness, faithfulness, kindness, and hope. As they began to pray, I began to cry. A group of men who had lost everything, some of them for a crime they never committed, were pouring their heart out in a way I had never heard. The sound of the room was like the roar of a lion, and I could not help but feel the lion roaring inside of me.
After the prayer, silence entered the room and everyone sat in God's presence. Maureen then asked us up for introduction. Originally we had planned to sing a few songs that we learned in Spanish first, then have Casey share her message and then last I would share my testimony, but you know what happens when you make plans for yourself. God shows up and changes them. As Casey was tuning her guitar, Maureen said, "Do you have anything else you can do while she is tuning the guitar?"
In an instant I said, "I could share my testimony." Without thinking, I had gone out of our choreographed ministry and jumped in with the Holy Spirit. As I began to share my testimony, I found freedom in expressing myself as I was.
"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. We love, because He first loved us." (1 John 4:18, 19 NASB)
Sometimes we like to sugarcoat our testimony so that everyone will accept us. This sugarcoating keeps us safe from judgement of others, keeps us safe from questions, keeps us safe from disappointment, keeps us looking more Christian, and most of all keeps us safe from embarrassment.
I am guilty of this sugarcoating, and it breaks my heart. At training camp I was given a word from my friend/squad-leader Mac. He said, "Don't try to be perfect, just be honest." Often times, I sugarcoat my testimony because I don't want to let anyone down. I try to be perfect. Why?
I have lived two lives my whole life, and finally as I write this blog in El Salvador on a hammock I cannot help but cry. Instead of pursuing a life of honesty, I have lied to the people I care most about. I use the excuse, well they never asked. I use the excuse, I have this covered on my own. I use the excuse, they will never find out. I use the excuse, they wont love me if I tell them. I have used the excuse, that I am just human. These are lies from hell.
I am done sugarcoating my testimony. As I shared at the prison, I didn't sugarcoat my testimony. I spoke with the prisoners about the years of partying, sex, and drugs. I spoke with the prisoners about how I went to jail. I spoke with them about the time I spent chasing women. I spoke with the prisoners about the constant struggle I had with satisfying my flesh. The life of a prisoner that I had lived chained in bondage to the flesh. I was seeking to satisfy myself in this never ending pit of despair. I lived a life of lies, all in the name of self. A life that said, "I was having fun", that "I wasn't hurting", that said "everything was fine".
Then I spoke with them about the freedom I have found since I have fully committed my life to the Lord. The freedom I have found as I read the Word of God. As I read more of the Words in the book, I cannot help but live a life that is fulfilling. My life now is anything but boring, it is a life of happiness. I live a life that is fully commited to giving the glory to God, and in return he gives me more joy than can ever be found in satisfying my own desires. I am living in freedom, and it is so peaceful.
After I finished my testimony a loud clap erupted from the room, and I knew that the Holy Spirit had used my testimony. After Casey brought a powerful word from the Lord, the pastor from the church started to pray. As I was praying, I knew that I had to speak to someone in the room. I have stated before that, "I got a word." This might seem like a foreign concept to many of you, but I can only describe it as God speaking through me. Sometimes He paints a picture in my mind, sometimes He just gives me words to say, but they are not in any way from my own mind or power. I spoke into a man's life. God told me that he was living a life of two masters and that God was ready to use him if he would give his full heart to God. I encouraged him in his calling and then returned to my seat.
As we ended the service a man walked up to me and handed me a piece of paper.
The paper's summary is: "To the man with the great beard, I have struggled for many years with sexual sins, but since you shared your testimony I have found deliverance through Jesus. Please continue to pray for me." It was from a man sitting in the crowd. Since I stepped out in faith, God used me. The mistakes that I made in my life were used to further God's kingdom. I was so encouraged as I read the paper.
Then I was presented with a bookmarker.
It says, "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, (Matthew 28:19 NASB) from the Church of the Captives."
God is doing some amazing work in the hearts of the men at the Church of the Captives and it is so amazing.
I pray that as you finish reading this blog you will be liberated in your walk with God as I have been recently. It hurts sometimes to expose ourselves, sometimes its very hard but there is so much freedom to be had when you are walking in honesty.
This is from the book Spiritual Slavery to Spiritual Sonship by Jack Frost – "Sons enjoy the close and intimate presence of God because they know that His presence and nearness do not depend on their behavior. They have discovered that He is with them all the time, no matter how much they get off center of His love. All they have to do is stop, return to the center of their heart where God's love dwells, and He is always right there. Sons know from personal experience the truth of the Scripture that says, "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you. (Hebrews 13:5b)."
