Love so incredible to know, it’s never gonna go, never gonna go
Love too impossible and true for anyone but You, for anyone but You
I think I’m on the brink of something large, maybe like the breaking of a dawn
Or maybe like a match being lit or the sinking of a ship
Letting go gives a better grip
I’m finding everything I’ll ever need,
By giving up gaining everything
Falling for You for eternity
Right here at your feet, where I wanna be
I am Yours
Love so indelible to know, You’re never gonna go, You’re never gonna go
Love too unthinkable and true for anyone but You, for anyone but You
Maybe like a match being lit or the sinking of a ship
Letting go gives a better grip
I’m finding everything I’ll ever need,
By giving up gaining everything
Falling for you for eternity
Right here at your feet, where I wanna be
I. AM. YOURS. FOREVER…. and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever, forever and ever and ever and ever….
*Foreverandever Etc… by the David Crowder Band*
Letting go gives a better grip. Only in the Kingdom of God does this paradox make any sense. This past week our team joined the whole squad for a period of debrief and rest. There was some hurt, confusion and downright attacks from the enemy, still through it all I saw the Lord show up. Before we even left Nepal I was excited about the chance to rest, spend some time in the Word and really journal my thoughts. Nepal was fantastic, but towards the end I realized that I am a bit more introverted than I realized and I was ready for some free time with just me.
When I finally sat down and journaled, I was able to see some things that I needed to give up and others that I should cling to. One night, the squad addressed the issues of alcohol and tobacco. Several people stood up saying they were done with these things, that they would no longer be a distraction or stronghold in their lives. I sat in the back, literally, the back corner of our meeting place and was proud of their decision but I couldn’t stand with them. I have never struggled with alcohol or tobacco. I don’t say that to be boastful or judgmental of those who have, I simply could not join them in giving up what had no hold on me. Still, it was good to see them take a stand and be done with what had held them for so long.
The Lord reminded me gently that not all struggles are the same. Mine are manifested in different ways than others and are also probably shared by more people than I know. When I was truly honest before the Lord and with myself there were several things that came to mind…things I could lay before him and walk away from in this next season.
As I pondered and journaled things came out that I knew needed to change. I wrote three concrete goals for this month: 1) Do not spend ANY personal money. I will not even go to the ATM because most of this is spent on unhealthy snacks, sodas or silly souvenirs that I don’t need; 2) Memorize the book of Colossians, because I want the Word to be hidden in my heart; 3) Only connect to the internet once a week…Even on the internet I set limitations for myself – I will post blogs and send email updates, but not waste time with other things. In just writing these goals, I felt more freedom.
Stephanie and Ben worked out with me that afternoon and I let them know my goals so that they could keep me accountable. Not only are they doing that, but they’re joining in as well! We trust the Lord to provide everything we need this month and if a few snacks or sodas are missing here and there, well “man does not live on bread alone”! Stephanie asked me about the earrings I’m collecting in each country. I had a quick “Oh, yea…about that…” moment where I thought about making a tiny exception…then Ben jumped in: “Does that really matter?” I chuckled to myself and responded with a quote from John Piper that I knew he would get immediately: “Look, Lord. See my shells.” In his book, Don’t Waste Your Life, John Piper talks about the true tragedy of wasting your life as opposed to living it and losing it for Christ. This means losing and giving things up daily to gain Christ and glorify the Savior.
Here’s a bit from the book, two stories of people and how they lived or wasted their lives:
These Lives and Deaths Were No Tragedy
In April 2000, Ruby Eliason and Laura Edwards were killed in Cameroon, West Africa. Ruby was over eighty. Single all her life, she poured it out for one great thing: to make Jesus Christ known among the unreached, the poor, and the sick. Laura was a widow, a medical doctor, pushing eighty years old, and serving at Ruby’s side in Cameroon. The brakes failed, the car went over a cliff, and they were both killed instantly. I asked my congregation: Was that a tragedy? Two lives driven by one great passion, namely to be spent in unheralded service to the perishing poor for the glory of Jesus Christ –even two decades after most of their American counterparts had retired to throw away their lives on trifles. No, that is not a tragedy. That is a glory. These lives were not wasted. And these lives were not lost. “Whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s sake will save it” (Mark 8:35).
An American Tragedy: How Not to Finish Your One Life
I will tell you what a tragedy is. I will show you how to waste your life. Consider a story from the February 1998 edition of Reader’s Digest, which tells about a couple who “took early retirement from their jobs in the Northeast five years ago when he was 59 and she was 51. Now they live in Punta Gorda, Florida, where they cruise on their 30 foot trawler, play softball and collect shells.” At first, when I read it I thought it might be a joke. A spoof on the American Dream. But it wasn’t. Tragically, this was the dream: Come to the end of your life –your one and only precious, God-given life –and let the last great work of your life before you give an account to your Creator, be this: playing softball and collecting shells. Picture them before Christ at the great day of judgment: “Look Lord. See my shells.” That is a tragedy. And people today are spending billions of dollars to persuade you to embrace that tragic dream. Over against that, I put my protest: Don’t buy it. Don’t waste your life.
I’m in Africa now, month 5 of the 11-month journey. The first four months went well and I am growing, but it’s time to change. It’s time to give the Lord everything and see that He alone can satisfy. I’m happy with the tangible goals he’s given and I have a hope that they will be met. As we were talking the other day, Ben began to say that the World Race isn’t really hard enough. It’s what you make it. If we were to take cold bucket showers the entire time and sleep on the ground in our tent each night, we would be able to adjust to it. I am still on my first bottle of body wash and only washed my clothes once last month. This life of abandonment has become normal—it’s up to us to keep pushing, keep growing, keep searching. So that’s what we’re doing…giving up the extras, the luxuries, the wants.
At dinner one day we were talking about “bucket lists” and what is really worth doing before we leave this earth. Someone said that if you look at Mother Teresa, everyone marvels at her life and dedication for the poor. No one ever said, “Wow, she really missed out by not skydiving or seeing the pyramids.” I added to, or rather started my bucket list with something I’ve been tossing about for many years – adopt a precious Asian girl from a country where she is viewed as someone with no value, who is not given love or affection and whose life is regarded as far worse than that of a son. I want to tell her that she is valuable, that she is loved, that she is precious. After meeting our new contact’s 3-year-old son, Vincent, I’m thinking about adding an African boy to the list too…he’s so cute! But let me get back to my point—I want to make a difference for Christ, even if that’s spending years on end with a few individuals to teach and disciple them so they, in turn, can spread the good news of Christ to their neighbors and families.
The Lord is so good and I can’t even begin to talk about His faithfulness. Yesterday we pulled into our new house, a house filled with love and joy. We are staying with our contact Moses, and his family. It immediately felt like home. We have warm beds (with mosquito nets provided), a hot shower (one of the nicest I’ve had on the Race), and a home-cooked meal that could’ve been my mom’s. It’s the simple things that are so appreciated.
Jesus, You are all I need. Help me to see that You and You alone satisfy.
You are life, love, hope. You are what I live for. You and no other.
But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith.
Philippians 3:7-9
You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing.
Psalm 145:16
