Jim Elliot, a Christian missionary and martyr from the 1950s, once said, “Missionaries are very human folks just doing what they're asked. Simply a bunch of nobodies simply trying to exalt Somebody.” Many times there’s a misconception that missionaries are very spiritual, always happy and somewhat boring because of all those “worldly things” they’ve given up. They’re in a super spiritual league of their own. Contrary to popular belief, it is possible for a missionary to have a bad day. We’re human. We have emotions, needs, and are still battling with sin in our own lives.
This month has been tough for a number of reasons. I came in on day 1 missing ministry because of a stomach sickness. At night I can’t sleep well and during the day I fight the battle of comparison – but last month, we did __________. Some days the battle of the mind can be so hard. Lately, I’ve found myself spending my free time reading lots of Harry Potter on my Nook. Note: I could care less if you love or hate Harry Potter. The point is, as a fictional book, it can be a distraction from the things of the Lord. While I love to read and am not saying that reading anything other than the Bible or John Piper is a sin, putting yourself too much into other things is a waste of valuable time that you could be spending with the Lord.
When I went into my own little world I didn’t have to think about reading my Bible, praying or ministering to my teammates or my host family. It was a way to withdraw from the tough thoughts of reality for a bit. Apart from getting lost in a book, there have been some days that I just want to feel normal…to have a shower that isn’t cold and to wash my hair with conditioner. Once, Brandon, Steph and I walked down the road to a small convenience store. It took us about 15 minutes to get there (most of it uphill), and when we went in I quickly realized that they didn’t have what I needed. It was mostly junky stuff and snacks. I ended up buying some overpriced baby-wipes (you can never have too many on the Race) just because we had walked all the way there.
As I was walking through the aisles there were juice boxes and Pringles that were extremely expensive so I just sighed, put them back on the shelf and kept going. On the way out I grabbed a Coke and a candy bar. I didn’t really need them, wasn’t super hungry or anything – it was the fact that it was 2 days before Christmas and I was 7,000 miles away from home. A soda and candy bar just screams “America”.
Two weeks have gone by since we set our backpacks down in our new home. We only have two left. This mental battle full of distractions and self-pity is still raging. I’m thankful that the Lord has helped me to discern what’s going on as I keep fighting. Sometimes we end up in tough places – physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. It’s not our circumstances that define us, it’s how we respond to what comes our way.
Not too long ago, Taryn, Brandon and I watched the Lord of the Rings series. Yea, we’re nerds and we know it. Anyway, there’s the part of the movie where Frodo tells Gandalf: I wish none of this had ever happened. I wish the Ring had never come to me. Gandalf’s response: So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for us to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. (That was a rough paraphrase because I don’t have the time or energy to look it up.) Still, that’s very wise of you, Gandalf.
I may not have chosen many of the circumstances that are wrapped up in this month, but I can choose to either waste my next 14 days or take the initiative to find the lessons of the Lord in the most unusual of circumstances.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:2-4
