Our time in Cambodia is coming to an end as we move on to Vietnam tomorrow. It was a short month, only about 3 weeks of ministry, but a lot happened. We started the month with 7 team members and are finishing with 6. Brian who I had been with for 4 months did not feel a peace in his heart about being here and decided it would be best to go back home. A definite loss for team Fusion.
I’ve been thinking about the holy spirit lately. Overall team Fusion is quite charismatic, meaning that my teammates consider themselves close with the holy spirit. They take very literally the scriptures that God poured out his spirit on us and dwells within us. That’s the kind of Christianity that I want to believe in, the kind that has power and is worth believing in. Todd White embodies this holy spirit mentality very well, if you haven’t ever listened to him then look him up on Youtube. Truthfully though it’s often quite hard for me to believe that God’s presence is within me. God the father makes sense to me, he created everything for his glory. God the Son is a pretty radical idea but it’s believable that God loved his creation so much that he would take on human form and pay the ultimate price of sin on our behalf. God the holy spirit is the most difficult of the trinity for me to believe. If God is within me then why can’t I tell? And if God is within other Christians then why is it not blatantly obvious in their actions or their ability to richly love? In an attempt to bless and show others the power of God, my team prays a lot for physical healings. Although I haven’t yet seen any limbs grow back, there have been things that could very well have been God’s supernatural hand at work. I’m not chasing the perfectly convincing miracle though. Although an indisputable miracle would solidify my wavering belief in God’s presence on earth, it would not eliminate my greatest frustrations with Christianity, which is the hiddenness of God’s presence within ME.
The idea of a natural world and a supernatural world is pretty crazy. If there’s an entire universe of the supernatural intertwined with the natural right here on earth then why is it so infrequently seen tangibly? I just read Disappointment with God, a great read. Philip Yancey addressed this question by bringing to light the last chapters of Job. After a long silence through immense suffering, God alas speaks to Job’s question of “why?” by informing him of the complexities of the universe and asking Job who he thinks he is to ask the creator of everything how he runs things; an indirect response but quite fitting. Humans probably can’t even comprehend the answer to the question of why our vision of the supernatural world is so impaired. But the fact of the matter is that if you’re a Christian then you believe in the supernatural, in angels and demons, in miracles and in Jesus himself. I believe the ultimate answer to any question you ask God is, for my glory.
Although still not content with the answers I’ve found, I’m slowly walking into a perspective that is OK with not having the answers yet still believing. If there really is a God then the answers to many of my questions could really be beyond my own comprehension. Until God makes his presence known within me, all I can really do is take it on faith that he is there and everything is for his glory.
I’ve been thinking about the task of loving others for God’s glory. I’ve really enjoyed playing with the children here, an opportunity that presents itself at nearly every part of the day. Sometimes though I’d rather sit in my hammock and read. It’s in those moments of conviction that I have a choice, to choose my own desires or to love when I don’t feel like it. I think that’s the real deal, pushing aside selfishness to embrace love. Not to say that love needs sacrifice; I just believe that the more sacrifice your love has, the richer it is. After all, the richest love of all came at the ultimate sacrifice. I wish that rich love was something that I chose into every day, sadly the sacrificial love I have chosen into with these children is a love that is sparse in my life. Far too infrequently do I engage in the difficult solely for the sake of loving someone else. That’s one unique aspect of God, he cares more about your motives than what you’re actually doing. I also believe that all humans are completely selfish, meaning that we won’t do something without the chance of a reward. God knows that so he designed us to take pleasure in loving others, in seeing the joy on a friend’s face after you surprise them with a gift or give a kid a piggy back ride. But it’s also possible to engage in a “loving” act for the wrong motives; for personal gain, to build a reputation, acting of obligation, acting from the perspective of a prideful heart and so on. My challenge to you is to engage in rich love at least once a day for the next 7 days. Analyze your motives and be as pure and rich as possible. My prayer request is for God to give me the strength and desire to love others richly for his glory and not my own.
As promised, here’s a video from Laos. It’s not nearly as good as my Thailand video but it gives a sense of the natural beauty of the country and for some of the ministry we did.
