It was a night that I’ll never forget.
The sky was crystal clear, every star hung in its perfect place. My team and I sat around a bonfire laughing, making jokes and enjoying each others presence. I stood up and explained the things on my heart, the things that have held me back. I explained the piece of paper in my hand. Then, accompanied by a slow clap cheering me on, I threw the paper into the fire. My team then proceeded to clap and cheer, followed by most of us dancing around the fire in celebration of what God has done. They then threw their papers, their representations of the chains in their lives, into the fire. We gave everything up to God.
It was a night I will never forget.
I see my life as a line with two distinct turning points.
Turning point 1
January 2014. I gave my life back to God. I promised him that I would push harder and lean into his plan for my life. I had to stop doing things my way. I jumped into a church, got involved in a ministry and joined a small group. God moved. The change was quick and intense. But I plateaued. I needed another push, another breaking point.
Turning point 2
September 2014. I found myself in the middle of a break up. I know, no one wants to hear another girls heartbreak story. But this one was different. I’d seen how I’d worked through this stuff in the past and knew that my way wouldn’t work. So I turned to God in my hurt and anger. I clung fiercely to him. Yet again, he moved. I grew again in leaps and bounds. I found myself in new ways, developing a deep craving for the word. I found myself leading and being led in ways I’d never experienced before.
Now here I am in South Africa and God’s moving again. I’ve found myself at the beginning of another point in my life line.
(P.C. Tabitha Turner)
Turning point 3
People experience freedom in a number of different ways. Mine came in the form of someone else’s new relationship. It amazes me how something can hold you back or keep you rooted somewhere without you realizing it. You can try to make plans for the future. You can go back and forth about where you think God wants you to go next. “Hang on God. Let me see how this works out and then… then God, we can talk about your plans.”
How does that work on any level? I’m out here where God wants me, doing everything I can to grow the way he wants. But I’ve still been living life very much at home. Sure, I’ve been present enough the last 4 months. I’ve learned and experienced a lot. But I left a part of myself at home. I haven’t fully emerged because I haven’t fully been here.
I’ve been praying about my future quite a bit in the last month or so. Let me tell you, when God listens, he listens intently. He answers quickly and specifically. You just have to listen for it.
I was laying in my tent the other night thinking over every possibility of what he wants for my life. “Father, just be obvious. Shut any door that needs to be shut and make me notice it.”
He delivered. Doors were shut. The best part? The thing that I feared the most is the thing that brought me the most peace and freedom that I think I’ve ever experienced.
“Sometimes you don’t feel the weight of something you’ve been carrying until you feel the weight of its release.”
To say that I feel lighter is a big understatement. My squad leader Benita told me something along the lines of needing to understand what it looks like to fully leave my life in his hands, to fully trust him with it. I thought I’d gotten that down before. I was so wrong.
God’s given me so much through this. He’s given me courage, boldness and a sense of self worth that I’ve never experienced before. I feel peace, joy, happiness… I feel excitement for the future. The world and all of its possibilities seem to have just gotten a whole lot bigger. I finally feel free to go wherever and do whatever God leads me to.
And I know that this is just the beginning. God’s moving in a huge way. I can feel it. I feel like I’m standing on top of a mountain looking up at the stars. “Let me show you all that I have for you my child. We’ve only just begun!”
I know that this is my next turning point because I’m finally willing. I’m finally at a point in my life where I can just let go and let him use me the way he wants to. I’m trying to find the words to explain my heart and this immense feeling, but they just don’t seem to come.
Just watch. Keep your eyes open and your ears tuned to his voice. Something big is about to happen, something huge.
I’m finally ready! Are you?
(P.C. Tabitha Turner)
