Training camp was probably the most mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually challenging thing I’ve ever been a part of. We spent 11 days in constant community, living in the wilderness of Georgia and having no access to running water. Yes, that meant bucket showers and port-a-potties. I don’t think I’ve smelled so bad in my entire life. They keep everything about TC very quiet so I had no idea what to expect. Because of that, I’m not going to go into too much detail of what we went through. I don’t want to spoil anything for future racers. But I can share with you what I learned about myself in the time that I spent there.
I’m not going to lie and say that the entire trip was the most amazing thing in the world. The first few days were pretty rough for me. We were introduced to 48 people on the first day, all of whom I had never met outside of social media. Let’s be honest, that’s not the easiest way to get to know 48 strangers. I’ve never felt so unsocial or overwhelmed by people. As most of my family and friends know, I make friends super easily and I’ll talk to pretty much anyone if they let me. So I didn’t understand why I couldn’t get myself to be at ease, open up and just be myself. I kept asking myself, “What’s wrong with me? I’m never this closed off. What happened to my social skills? How do I friend?!” I asked God to show me the root of my emotions and He showed me rejection. He showed me how much I’ve held on to the past rejection I’ve felt from relationships and friendships, even rejection from family. It was all stuff that I thought I had dealt with, things that I didn’t think were a big deal anymore. But take me out of my comfort zone, take my friends and family away from me and throw me into a group of strangers, and apparently I shut down. Apparently I revert to my insecurities and start judging myself and comparing myself to others.
The first few days of the trip made me realize how heavy of a burden I’ve been carrying around without even knowing that I was carrying it. It made me realize that some feelings that I’ve disregarded are still very much present in my life. It made me look at the true reason I have trouble befriending other girls and how much I truly compare myself to most of the ones I meet. Which is not fair to them or to myself. I got a first-hand look at how little self-worth I had and how much I look down on myself, how much I put down God’s creation. It made me look at how negatively all of this was affecting me.
I also learned that when you ask God to show you what’s wrong, He shows you and then immediately follows up with healing and release. I asked Him to change these things about myself and heal the wounds that needed healing. We split into breakout sessions where we got to talk a little more personally about different things. There was one on comparison which I figured would be a good thing for me considering the circumstances. God used it for me in such a huge way! He showed me how beautiful I am in His eyes. He showed me that I am chosen and loved by Him. He gave me an entire list of all of the positive things about me that I know to be true. But most importantly, He showed me where to find my identity. My whole life I’ve found it in other people. Whether relationships with men, friendships or family, I’ve looked to them for approval, assurance, love and acceptance. All the while, I should have been looking to no one but God for those things. He’s the only one who can validate me and make me feel whole, the only one who’s opinion truly matters. That fact is one of the most freeing things I’ve ever experienced!
The rest of Training Camp was a blast! I felt like I was finally able to ease up and be myself. It’s amazing how fast God turns things around when we let Him, how He works to heal you and make you feel free and great. I just felt better and better each day. I was able to have fun and get to know my squad in a more personal way. I’ve gotta say, they are some of the most incredible people! They’re so loving and accepting. I’m so excited to spend a year with them. I feel so honored and blessed that I get the opportunity to do life with these people. It’s hasn’t even been a week and I’m already feeling the need to be around them again. It’s incredible how God works things out!
I’ve been amazed to see how much God has changed in me in just 11 days! It makes me so excited to see what He’s going to do in 11 months! Launch starts on September 6th and I’m beyond excited! This next month and a half will be spent preparing some last minute things and just enjoying my friends and family at home. It’s going to be difficult to leave everyone, but I believe it’s going to be worth it. God’s going to do incredible things with my squad.
Please keep all of us in your prayers as we prepare for the Race! Thank you for all of your support so far. It means the world to me 
46 days until Launch!!!
