Words. They are a cosmic force to be reckoned with. They spew out of our mouths and connect with our hearts. Words have the ability to build us up… or tear us down in two seconds flat. They’re powerful. That’s why I choose my words with care. My goal is to speak words that give life. I want to say what I mean and mean what I say. I think before I speak.
In our first week in Cambodia, God said clearly, “My words are good; use them.” It was a great phrase and all, but I was a little unsure of the meaning or how to apply it to my life. There never seemed to be a good opportunity to say anything, so I kept my words to myself. They filled my mind, searching for a way to my mouth.
Let me explain a little about myself before I move on to the next part of my story. I’m quiet and shy, not exactly one to make a scene. I’m a terrible public speaker. When I’m extremely nervous, my voice quivers. I have a heart for evangelism, even though I panic every time someone asks me about Jesus. I freeze in big groups. Sometimes I fall back and let others take the lead if I feel they would do a better job than me. Now that you know my shortcomings, let’s continue.
When we stayed in Poipet for a week, my lack of understanding of God’s plan suddenly turned into anger. I was angry at God. I felt inadequate of saying any of the words he gives me. Everyone around me seemed more qualified than me, at least that what I told myself. I distanced myself from my team and everyone around me. I kept asking “Why God? Why did you give me these words?” I didn’t understand what I was supposed to do. Who do I say these words to? Who would even listen?
Then God spoke. He told me through Abraham, Moses, David, Paul, and so many others that He uses unexpected people to do extraordinary things. Abraham and Sarah were barren, but God made him the father of many nations. Moses couldn’t talk right, but God used him to set his people free. David committed adultery and covered his tracks, but God said he was a man after God’s own heart. Paul persecuted Christians, but God used him to preach the gospel to the gentiles. The words tattooed on my foot began to have a deeper meaning than I ever imagined as I listened to God’s voice instead of my own thoughts. “But God” is not just a reminder God didn’t leave us with no way back to Him, it’s also a reminder God is capable of using our shortcomings to bring him glory.
I remember that moment when God spoke and I understood. I even have the journal page to prove it. Since that moment, I’ve stopped fighting the words I know I have to share. Instead, I speak life into my teammates and my host’s church. I recognize the wisdom in my words and the power they hold.
I’m learning God speaks to me in phrases, snit bits of truth that I treasure and share. And almost everyday God takes my hand and whispers in my ear, “it’s time to speak.” I’m learning to say yes and speak the words he gives me.
