—–> Sometimes it hurts when your heart grows. <—–
My teammate shared this saying (from her mom) with me a few weeks ago as we were leaving Ecuador. It impacted me and at the same time comforted me as we packed up and headed to our next country.
Saying goodbye to our new family in Ecuador was one of the hardest things I have had to do on the Race so far.
On our last night in Ecuador, after a few hours of fun, Bold Radiance was sitting on a soccer field with our host family and all our amazing friends. They went around the circle and each shared encouragement and thanks to us, sending us out in prayer and blessing. Our host said he was astounded with the way we connected with the youth, and the reason the month was so wonderful for them was because we built such strong relationships with each of them.
I couldn’t understand why saying goodbye hurt so much this time…and then I realized, it was because my heart is growing.
For three days straight after leaving, I could not stop crying. In a sense it felt like I was reliving having to say goodbye to my family back home for a year and I decided it was just too hard.
It started to become a legitimate fear that I would have to experience that process eight more times and I made up my mind that I could not go through that pain again.
I began to think I should simply coast through each month and not get in a deep relationship with anyone in particular…that way I could save myself some heartache when it became time to say goodbye.
Three days after leaving however, God spoke so powerfully and lovingly through my squad leader as I was relaying to him the depth of pain I was still experiencing.
I knew he would understand since he spent ten days with my team in Ecuador,
“Wes, I just don’t think I can do that again. It’s so hard to get close to people and then have to say goodbye.”
He responded with the words that have shaped my view of the entire Race,
“Esther, why else are you here?
Why else are you here but to pour yourself out fully to everyone you come in contact with?
You guys didn’t hold back last month and I know the people of Portoviejo will never be the same because you have left a lasting impact there. God worked powerfully through you guys and He is going to continue to do great things because you gave all of yourself for His Glory and His Kingdom.”
Now, whenever I think about not engaging in conversation, playing games with the kids, spending my free time with a ministry host, going the extra mile to show the people around me that I am interested and care about them, I continue to hear Abba’s voice calling me to more,
Esther, why else are you here?
