The hardest day….well I originally wasn’t planning on sharing this story except with a few family and friends. I felt like it was simply a very powerful and personal encounter between me and God.
I was however, reading a devotional the other day which was focused solely on sharing your testimony.
“When we share a testimony, we are loaning our faith to others. When we listen to a testimony, we are borrowing faith from others. Either way, the church is edified and God is glorified.”
(Draw the Circle, Mark Batterson)
Needless to say, I am now sharing my story – a testimony of one of the many ways God worked in my heart during Training Camp – so He can have the glory!
Here goes.
The hardest, yet most amazing day for me at Training Camp was about halfway through the week. I had gone to my regular spot in the woods, just out of sight of the hustle and bustle, to have my daily quiet time. Immediately following was the breakfast hour, but my morning communion with the Lord became my favorite part of the day. Or so I thought…
As I was listening to the birds, soaking in the Father’s presence and meditating on His Word, I felt the Holy Spirit nudge me saying,
“You need to fast from breakfast this morning.”
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Since March, I have been fasting once a week – I started doing 24 hrs. during the season of Lent and after that, it was laid on my heart to continue the discipline in some capacity for the next few months until Launch. Wednesday morning breakfast has become my routine fasting time.
To be completely honest, fasting is most definitely not a spiritual discipline I am good at. Having a physical, outdoor job, even skipping breakfast alone is very difficult for me. I have been learning to break my fleshly desires every week in order to line up with the Father’s will and draw nearer to His presence, but the road has not been easy.
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My first response when I was given the directive to fast that morning in the the woods was, “No…”
Not just a hesitating, “Ummm…no.”
Not a, “No thank you.”
Literally a flat out “No!!!”
God didn’t give in so easily.
After I still felt Him pressing me about it, my second response was, “Are You sure??”
He brought to my attention that I wasn’t keeping track of days while at camp, and it was in fact Wednesday.
Like a typical unhappy child response, I pleaded, “Lord, can’t I just have the week of Training Camp OFF!? I mean, I’m here, I’m in tune with You! You know I’m committed to this ministry.”
He reminded me that I had made a commitment to fast every week until Launch and Training Camp was no exception.
Looking back I am so glad there are stories of people in the Bible who argue with God because it helps me not feel so bad about the moments I spent building my case and justifying why I should not be doing the particular thing He was asking me to do that morning.
“Lord! You know how I get when I don’t eat,” I reasoned. “I can’t focus well, my body gets weak…..I get GRUMPY!!! I need to be able to focus completely for everything we are learning here right? It’s already been such a full week and I know there is more to come. I will be completely drained.”
It was in those moments I will never forget how He responded,
“I am going to put you in situations this year where it is going to be challenging and necessary for you to do things you do not want to do in the moment…I need to know you will be faithful in the small things before I can’t trust you with the big ones.”
“Oh……um, ok Lord.”
My weak and pathetic voice whispered to my Maker, “My spirit is willing but my flesh is weak. Give me strength to overcome this Father.”
The battle that ensued in my mind was real and intense. I felt like there was so much spiritual warfare going on and I was so overwhelmed by my own weakness, I broke down and wept.
The enemy wasn’t screaming in my ear…..he whispered sweetly, dubiously, to my flesh,
“It’s fine…..you’ve been faithful every week. Skipping this week is not going to make that big of a difference. You need to have your strength and energy! God is not going to disown you if you don’t obey in this. You’re still going to go on the race. Food is energy, strength, focus, fellowship with your squad…”
Then Abba spoke….He whispered gently, powerfully,
“Man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.”
I started to feel strengthened, renewed.
I repeated it over and over, letting it soak to the very core of my being:
“Man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.” (Matthew 4:4)
To be cont….
