So here’s the thing. I’ve been thinking for weeks now what my first blog should be about. And, I’ve come to the conclusion that if you’re willing to follow me on my journey before and during the World Race, then I need to be honest about what’s actually going on in my life as I prepare for this next season. I mean, I could write about my excitement for this upcoming 11-month journey through South America. I could tell you how amazing my life has been ever since committing (almost) a year of my life to missions.
But… I’d be lying. And, this is why.
I am a mess. I’m super excited, yes, but also nervous and quite frankly, overwhelmed by the idea of living outside a backpack and sleeping in a tent for 11 months. I just love my comfy bed, to be honest. However, I’m learning to come to terms with the reality that growth never happens within the walls of your own comfort.
This is a hard pill to swallow because if we are honest with ourselves, being comfortable is so much easier. It doesn’t require work. It actually doesn’t require much movement at all. And honestly, I’ve chosen to sit comfortably for many days now. Weeks. Months. Spiritually speaking, I’ve taken a seat on a big, comfy couch and have refused to get up. I’ve thought about getting off my feet. I’ve attempted it a number of times. I’ve even set both feet on the ground, but I’ve found myself sitting right back down every time. And it all comes down to this: I’m scared. I’m scared of being uncomfortable because that means I would have to break down the walls I’ve tried so hard to build up. It means I would have to stop pretending like I have it all together. It would also require me to be vulnerable and these are all things I’ve never been good at. Yet, these are the very things that will force me to grow.
So…no. This process of preparation hasn’t been glamorous. In fact, I’ve been flooded with fear and doubts and insecurities ever since applying for the World Race. I’ve believed the inner voices that have told me I’m not good enough, not pretty enough, and not brave enough. I’ve compared my life to others so many times that somewhere along the way I’ve neglected the voice and gifts God’s given me. I’ve felt so inadequate that lately my prayers have sounded like a mere cry for help.
But, in the midst of it all, I’m choosing to trust the process and I’m choosing to believe that God has not left my side. I know that God has much in store for my team and me while we are on the mission field, but I also believe He wants to begin a new work in us even now as we prepare. So again, I’m trusting that this process has meaning and purpose. I realize that the World Race is intense and challenging, but the peace of God constantly reassures me that this is exactly where I am supposed to be. My life may not look like everyone else’s, and that’s okay.
As I continue to prepare for these 11 months in South America, I’m challenging myself to be uncomfortable and I challenge you to do the same. Let’s shake off the dust and silence the thoughts that hinder us from moving forward. There is so much more in store and I’m tired of being comfortable.
John 10:10: “The thief comes to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”
