Jesus, why?

Do you ever find yourself asking this question? I know I’ve asked this a lot.
It all began back in month 1, El Salvador, January 30th.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

Sitting on my bed with my Bible in my hand and my back against the wall. I was thinking about ‘The World Race’ and giving up this whole year to simply serve wherever I was placed. And then all of the sudden, I heard the Holy Spirit.
He said, “Ask the L-rd if you’re going home after the race.”

Frozen.
Lets rewind a little bit.

In 2011, before the World Race, I found myself saying several times that there would be some reason I wasn’t going to come home. I questioned, “Why am I saying this?” having this gut feeling I was right, but not necessarily believing it.

Fast-Forward, El Salvador.

After a good long pause, I said, “L-rd, am I going to be home after the race?”
Immediately, I heard Jesus say with a kind and gentle tone, “No, you’re not.”

[I’m sure you’re wondering, wait, what? Jesus… How did you hear Him, what does He sound like? Well, He is a real person – fully G-d, fully man and He sounds like a man, full of peace…gentle, but strong. I don’t always hear him audibly, but in this specific instance I did.]

My heart sank and I began to weep. I wouldn’t describe this feeling as sad, but I felt broken. A moment later I heard the Holy Spirit again say, “Ask the L-rd if you’re going to be home by Natalie’s birthday?” (My little sister – January 13th)

I began to weep harder.

Before I left on the world race I promised my little Noodle bug that I would be home for her birthday. However one of the biggest mistakes was forgetting to ask G-d before I made the promise. A lot of the reason this was so difficult was I missed Christmas with my family in 2011 because the L-rd told me to spend 2 months in Italy and then I missed Noodle’s birthday by 3 days because I left on the race January 10th.

So again I ask, “L-rd, am I going to be home for Noodle’s birthday?” And again, filled with compassion and such gentleness I heard Jesus respond, “No, you’re not.”

All the more I began to cry. Like I said before, I wasn’t necessarily sad, but I was broken and torn because I knew what G-d was asking me to do was long term.  

I was so quickly reminded of the verse in Luke 14 with the passage entitled ‘The Cost of Being a Disciple’

“Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning them to He said, ‘If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters – yes, even his own life – he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.”
[Luke 14:25-27]

Jesus goes on about counting the cost of the decisions you make, whether or not He’s worth it. And then He says, “In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.” [vs. 33]

I don’t believe Jesus literally wants you or I to hate our families, but what I’ve come to understand is our devotion and love to Jesus should be so extravagant, radical, and outrageous that in comparison it would appear like hatred to our family and friends.

At any cost, decision, or request, you are willing to do whatever Jesus asks to follow Him.

This embracing peace came over me and I knew Jesus would never ask me to do something that would hurt me, but only what was necessary for the furthering of His Kingdom and His love to the people He is so in love with.

Torn between my family & Jesus, I will choose Jesus every time. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family and I would do anything for them, but my devotion is to my King, L-rd Jesus.

I began to receive prophecies and words about going to Israel and the Jordan. People from all over, most not knowing each other started to give me these words from G-d saying I was called to go to Israel. Throughout the year on the world race I have run into more Israeli people then I can count and know beyond any doubt that G-d has called me on to Israel in December directly from the world race.

As of right now I have booked my plane ticket from India to the Jordan and I will see where the L-rd leads me to go. I will need all of the prayer I can get for discernment of where and when to go, as well as the money to support me as I go. If anyone feels led to support me monthly or even give a one time gift, absolutely anything will help as I continue to share the love of Jesus with the nations.
My upcoming expenses will be anything from travel costs like airfare and bus, as well as daily food money and lodging. If you would like to support me, please email me at [email protected]

I know G-d will supply all of my needs and I am so grateful for all of you who have been praying and supporting me as I do His work.

Even though this is a risk and a step of faith into the unknown, I am willing and ready to do whatever He asks.

G-d is so faithful and He makes everything so clear. If I can encourage any of you that if you ask the L-rd, He will answer and He will always supply the way for what He asks of you. I am watching it before my very eyes where doors that never existed are being opened, Thank you G-d that you are real, that you make a way and supply for all my needs.