12 days.

12 days.

12 days resonates in the pit of my stomach and i ask myself, how can time fly so fast?
How is it i leave in 12 days?
How is it possible that September is almost over and October is quickly approaching?

In 12 days, i will be leaving to nanny on a cruise from the 1st until the 9th. On the 14th i will be headed to Georgia for the World Race training camp to meet my team and go over the year. On the 24th i will be leaving Georgia and heading to Iowa to spend a few days with a family that is very close to my heart. Then on the 28th, i will return to Phoenix. And with one day to spare before i leave for Italy, i will be doing laundry, cleaning, and saying goodbye.

Good-bye?

Never before have i felt such a quickly arising, heart-quenching good-bye. Before when i left for Africa or when i moved to Texas to go to the Honor Academy, i never felt this good-bye. Maybe because i always knew i was eventually going to come home and leaving was not permanent. 

This time is different.

i have never been so uncomfortable, but so at peace. i have never been so stretched in what Jesus is asking me to do, but i know He is asking me to do it. How can i deny the plans of G-d?
i told G-d, "where You lead, i will follow."

"Even when it's hard Dura? Even when I ask you to leave everything?"
& then these words were called to mind.

"Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it." Matty 10:37-38

He never said it was going to be easy, but He did say He would go with me.
Is my heart racing? yes.
Is my stomach raging with butterflies? yes.

But not out of fear nor anxiety, but because i know i can't do this without G-d. I know what He is asking me to do is far too big & too crazy to do on my own. 
ONLY by HIM & through Him will i be able to set forth where He is leading.

As i stand at the edge of this cliff of life, heart pounding, eyes closed.
i hear my sweet Savior say, "Follow Me, I am here. I will catch you."

so i jump.

Proverbs 16

"Commit your work to the L-rd, and your plans will be established." vs. 3

"The heart of man plans his way, but the L-rd establishes his steps." vs. 9