*Written by: Me, and the rest of Team USA. All of these things happened to at least one of us this month!

 

Sometimes, in Guatemala…

 

…you are sorting through donated clothing when a cockroach comes scuttling out. It takes three people to destroy it.

 

…you move a dead baby bird off of the basketball court using leaves.

 

…you wake up with swollen eyelids because of the mosquitos in your room.

 

…you’re so excited to have your own bathroom that you don’t even mind that there’s no toilet seat.

 

…you confuse the words “cantar” (to sing) and “cocinar” (to cook), much to the amusement of the girls.

 

…you have to fill up the washing machine with a hose three times during the cycle.

 

…you fail at making tortillas by hand.

 

…your host informs you that one of the machetes has gone missing, so to please keep an eye out for it.

 

…an 11-year-old flips out when you touch a frog, informing you that they explode into “leche mal” (bad milk) when touched.

 

…a volcano explodes with enough force that ash can be seen on the premises. So of course, you proceed to climb a (different) active volcano the next day.

 

…you learn some, um, interesting new Spanish vocabulary while helping the teenagers with their anatomy homework.

 

…you learn through experience that flies are attracted to the scent of nail polish. Lots of them.

 

…the girls fart all. of. the. time. Well, they do eat a lot of beans.

 

…you give seventeen haircuts in two days.

 

…there are bats in the closet of art and medical supplies.

 

…you convince the girls you’re going to cook “sapo” (frogs) for them, and then never hear the end of it.

 

…a bird poops on you while you’re sitting in your hammock.

 

…you learn that cockroaches fly.

 

…the cook takes you to a hole-in-the-wall shop that is literally a hole in a wall.

 

…you buy bootleg DVDs outside of the grocery store.

 

…you witness a clown on stilts, a truck carrying tigers, and a parade of futbol players and their many fans, all in one afternoon.

 

…you trust a fart too much and have to pay an armed guard to use the restroom.

 

…you gather all of the girls into the common room to say good-bye, and end up being presented with handmade cards, three dances, two skits, a few speeches, and, to end the evening, a dance party.

 

…you get ahold of a real kitchen and go a little wild. Between the seven of you, you might make a ton of mashed potatoes with gravy, ravioli, grilled ham and cheese sandwiches, Indian curry, baked chicken, corn, Kraft macaroni and cheese, and three pumpkin pies.

 

 

And the quotes!

 

“I couldn’t tell if you were clapping or making a tortilla.”

 

“Life is more dramatic in Spanish.”

 

“Is it Nutella, or is it gold?” (Said when discovering that the Nutella in the grocery store was kept in one of those plastic anti-theft cubes.)

 

“You know what’s really good on pizza? Homemade applesauce. Don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it.”

 

“The Lord desires what we desire, and we desire sweets.”

 

“James, you’re like the dentist of walls.” (Said when James had to chip away at the cement wall in order to repair an electrical outlet.)

 

“I lack the necessary elbow room to twist the lid off this bottle.” (As seven of us are packed in a Trailblazer with all of our bags.)

 

“Everything explodes in Guatemala.” (Volcanoes. Frogs. Vehicles. Cicadas. Dance parties.)